Q: I recently started dating someone but we haven’t had sex yet. She invited me over to her place for dinner, and I’m hoping the evening is going to end up in the bedroom. My question is, should I bring my own toys with me? Is that presumptuous? Or should I leave them at home and just use whatever she has on hand?
A: If she’s invited you over for dinner, that’s a good signal that she’s at least open to the possibility of moving things into the bedroom. If you’re pretty sure that sex is on the evening’s menu, I would feel free to pack a kit with a few of your favorite items. That way you’ll have them on hand just in case, and you can use them or not as necessary.
Throw in anything else you consider essential, like lube (those little sample-size packs are perfect), condoms, gloves, dental dams, etc. Your hostess may have some of these in her nightstand, but maybe not. In any case, she should be impressed by your thoroughness and thoughtfulness.
If you’re female and you know you’re going to want to fuck your partner, definitely bring your own strap on and harness. Your playmate might have their own gear, but it might not fit you, and wearing somebody else’s harness can be weird, especially if it hasn’t been thoroughly cleaned. If they have a favorite dildo that they like to be fucked with, it’s reasonable to use it with your harness if it’s compatible.
When you whip out your toy bag, give your friend an opportunity to dig into their drawer too so they can bring out their favorite butt plug or special brand of organic lube.
Packing your own toys on a first date might seem presumptuous, but if you already have supercharged sexual chemistry between you, go for it. Of course, if you get caught empty handed, sex can still be wonderful without accessories. But toys can make it more fun for everybody. Better to be prepared than not.