Bed, Bath, and Beyond

ducksoap.jpgI saw a new sex toy today – a vibrator imbedded in a bar of soap. It got me thinking – first about our own soap masturbation toy, then about things people do in the bathroom.

Besides the bedroom, the bathroom is probably the next most popular room of the house for having sex and/or masturbating. It makes sense – some people can’t get privacy anywhere else, you’re usually at least partly undressed in there, and the running water makes for easy clean-up or disposal of evidence. And if you have a shower massager, sometimes the water is the best way to get off.

The other benefit of the bathroom is a ready supply of slippery substances to use as lubricants. But just because that lotion is safe to rub on your hands, it doesn’t mean it won’t irritate your johnson if you use it to jerk off.  Here are a few guideline for using toiletries as improvised lubricants.

For male masturbation:

  • Lotion is popular, but the fragrances may irritate your genitals, so use unscented if possible. If you do use scented lotion, wash it off afterwards.
  • Don’t use your Axe body wash. Your junk will smell great, but your dick may get irritated and dry. Same goes for deodorant soaps, scented soaps, and shampoos.
  • Use at your own risk: toothpaste, Vicks, Gold Bond powder. It might seem exciting, but jerking off with Ben-Gay or Icy Hot will put you in a world of hurt.

For insertion (girls and guys):

  •  Again, stay away from scented products. Some unscented lotions or creams may be OK to use as lube, but they aren’t meant for internal use, so use caution.
  • Soap or shampoo of any kind is not a good lube. It will irritate your vaginal or anal membranes.
  • Water-based lubricants will wash away in the shower, but you can use silicone-based lubes.
  • If someone gets you one of those penis-shaped soap-on-a-rope things, don’t use it as a dildo. It will smart.

Leave a Comment