I can’t remember the last time I used a dildo that didn’t look like a real human penis (yesterday). It’s been an even longer time since I enjoyed the sensations of a temperature reactive toy (this morning). The innovations that continually come out of the modern-day sex toy industry still amaze me (I’m not surprised, pervs). And that influx in supply has only made it harder for already confused consumers to find a decent dildo (they’re all the same, right).
With that said, certain dildos stand out from the rest for one reason or another. I cast out my wide net to catch the diamonds in the rough, always bringing back the cream of the crop to float my boat. And although you may not be able to tell it at first glance, the Vixen brand’s Bandit dildo is a force to be reckoned with. Fit for the price and featuring almost everything you’d want in a dong, this penis-looking plaything isn’t anything to scoff at.
What Is the Vixen Bandit?
Let me start out by saying that this is not the most realistic dildo I’ve ever seen. However, it’s not too shabby, plus it’s still a terrific fake dick. The Vixen Bandit is a slightly less luxurious model than the similar Vixen Johnny made by the same brand though, but the prices are rather comparable. Designed for either vaginal or anal play, this precisely proportionate penis is made for people who have a little experience working with insertable sex toys. Sans the colloquially deep curve that seems to be regulatory on today’s “realistic” dildos, the Bandit is virtually a straight-up rebel in that it doesn’t suffer from a bad case of Peyronie’s disease.
The Main Features
Despite its relatively unique shape, the thick and juicy Bandit by the now well-known Vixen brand is designed to poke and prod the p-spot or g-spot of the lucky bastard using it. Perfect for solo play and couple’s rendezvous, this defiant dong is weighted to provide supreme pressure to the glans. I also found the straighter shape of the shaft to be a much better fit in most positions, and many folks who enjoy cavernous stimulation like I do will appreciate the greater depth at which it can penetrate too.
But either way you look at it, the Vixen Bandit dildo does it best to be realistic like its brand brothers. Not the most luxurious model but still a prime contender, the Bandit uses the coveted dual density core technology that’s currently taking the sex toy industry by storm. Straight and somewhat fake-looking or not, this thing is obviously made to get the job done.
Sans bells and whistles like bursting ball sacks and vibrating shafts, this stand-alone shaft does the damn thing in whatever situation you put it. In addition, the following things also describe this big-balled bad ass:
- It’s covered in the brand’s patented VixSkin material which has the following qualities:
- Temperature responsive
- It has a very slightly curved shaft for a more comfortable and versatile fit.
- The head is somewhat smaller than the shaft, making insertion and removal easier.
- It can be used with or without a harness.
- It has lifelike characteristics, including:
- It measures 7.5 inches in total insertable length.
- It offers 5.5 inches in circumference.
- The base diameter is a standard 4.5 inches.
- The O-ring diameter is only 2 inches.
On top of all those things, the Vixen Bandit also uses the ever-popular Dual Density Core technology, meaning it feels like a real erection while also being flexible enough not to bust down your walls. And best of all, that fine amalgamation of features involves absolutely no use of latex or phthalates either, plus it’s all condom and water-based or flavored lube compatible.
What Comes in the Box?
Like most other sex toys that come out of the Vixen brand warehouse, you won’t be impressed by the quality or appearance of the VB’s packaging. In fact, it’s somewhat surprising that the manufacturer hasn’t worked a bit harder on presentation, especially in lieu of all the luxury brands out there selling similar dildos in sexy packages for less. But I digress. Your precious penis will come stuffed inside a clear plastic snap-together container and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.
Inside it is just the Bandit dildo, hugged tightly by one of the smallest packets of water-based lube you’ll ever see. There’s no toy cleaning solution included, nor is there anything else in there for that matter. What you see is literally what you get – a big fake dick in a cheap plastic box. It’s sure as hell a good thing this dildo’s features speak for itself, or else I’d have nothing to write about.
How It Feels
Like any good dildo that’s got a stiff erectile core and a smooth, temperature sensitive surface, the Vixen Bandit feels much like the real thing. The balls are soft and placed in such a way that they touch and tickle your erogenous zone with every thrust. Furthermore, the slight curve and tapered head work together to make this ride less wild and more wonderful.
The Cheers and Jeers
You realize nothing is perfect, right? Ok, so let’s all take an objective look at the Vixen Bandit before we make our minds up:
Take Out – Since the Vixen Bandit is compatible with nearly every strap-on harness known to man, it’s easy to take it along for any pants party you attend.
Now Serving Newbies – Although the VB is large and girthy enough to accommodate the needs of fake penis pros, it still has the user-friendly dimensions and features required by the novice.
As Good as It Gets – With lots of acceptably realistic features like texturized balls and strategically placed veins, the Vixen Bandit is about as real as it gets for the price.
Weather Man – It’s easy to play with the temperature controls when you’re working with something like the VixSkin material. I’m seriously a huge fan.
Mr. Clean – The non-porous nature of that VixSkin shit makes it some of the easiest material to clean and maintain. No special cleaning solutions needed (I guess that explains the naked box).
Could Be Better – Although it has plenty of lifelike characteristics, the VB is certainly not the most humanistic dildo on the market. Not the best match if you need something super believable.
Where Do We Go from Here? – Like all other Vixen brand dildos so far, this son of a bitch does not come with any type of storage whatsoever, meaning you’ll have to get creative when it’s time to put it away.
Money Matters – While it’s not the most expensive silicone dildo there is, you could get a significantly better dong for just a few more dollars.
The Final Verdict
Overall, the Vixen Bandit is a great tool for both slow-building towards orgasm and hardcore pound fucking. With plenty of length, a substantial girth, and a material that feels like the real thing, this temperature-sensitive, dual-density core-having, relatively realistic dildo could make the perfect spontaneous stocking stuffer (as long as your stocking is a well-lubed pussy or ass). You can find more information or buy Vixen Bandit at the official lovehoney website.