Selecting the perfect vibrating dildo can be a pain in the ass – literally in some cases. However, it doesn’t have to be that way anymore, especially not with this crazy cowboy in town. I welcome you all to the Self-Taught School of Sex. Today’s lesson: Buying the Best Vibrating Dildo. You better ace the quiz at the end.
- The Definition of a Vibrating Dildo
- The Top 3 Advantages of Using Vibrating Dildos
- The Top 5 Things to Look for in a Good Vibrating Dildo
- Top 5 Best Vibrating Dildos to Consider:
- 1. The UPRIZE RC Erecting Dildo Vibrator
- 2. The Fun Factory Stronic Real
- 3. The Fun Factory G5 Big Boss
- 4. The Urge Strapless Strap-On Dildo Vibe
- 5. The Shane Diesel Suction Cup Dildo with Balls
- 5 Tips for Picking Out/Using a Vibrating Dildo
The Definition of a Vibrating Dildo
Vibrating dildos, or “vibe dongs” as I like to call them, come in many shapes and sizes. To understand what a vibrating dildo is, though, you first have to know what a dildo itself is (and isn’t). Put simply, a dildo is merely a handheld self-pleasure device that’s used to generate vaginal and/or anal stimulation during sexual intercourse or masturbation by yourself or with a partner. A dildo is not, however, an old cucumber in the bottom of your refrigerator drawer.
In terms of vibrating dildos, the name pretty much sums it up. Vibrating dildos are simply dildos that have vibratory powers through either an integrated motor or an internal bullet. The main idea is for the vibe dong to stimulate the g-spot and/or p-spot of the user with a variety of settings that lend themselves to the toy’s overall functionality. If the device can do that while being thrusted in and out of a tight orifice, it’s considered a legit vibrating dildo.
While getting an education on vibrating dildos it’s also important to realize that they’re not all made the same. The variant sizes, shapes and qualities of the devices available can leave the average consumer overwhelmed. Being well-versed in your options is crucial, but that starts with gaining an appreciation for the popularity of this innovative, body-safe sex toy.
The Top 3 Advantages of Using Vibrating Dildos
Back in the day, our ancestors were forced to masturbate with whatever they could scrounge up around the house. Modern-day archaeologists have recently uncovered thousands of carefully carved dildos fashioned out of everything from stone to chalk. Fortunately, we’ve come a long way since then.
Contemporary sex toys are swanky, well-made pleasure tools that have features we could have only dreamed about in ancient times. Thanks for advancements in technology, today’s best vibrating dildos offer a whole host of advantages to the average person’s sex life, including but not limited to the following three:
- Customizable Sex Options
Vibrating dildos have provided much-needed inspiration for the ever-evolving sexual revolution that our world is currently experiencing. Made by some of the most in-tune manufacturers on the planet, today’s best marital aids allow users to enjoy a fully customizable orgasm whether that be through their own labors or with a willing partner’s help. Furthermore, the settings featured on most modern-day vibrating dildos can be turned on or off during playtime, further expanding the playbook for today’s hottest sex toy enthusiasts.
- Couple’s Play Choices
Engaging in a little foreplay with your partner is always fun but fingering and fondling can only take you so far. After a while, you both start desiring more pleasure from the other. Often times, the only way to provide that is to involve a sex toy or two. And one of the most sought-after couples-friendly sex toys is the vibrating dildo. Versatile and vivacious, top-notch vibe dongs are a lusty lover’s best friend. Some even come with wireless remote controls and/or Bluetooth capabilities for short or long-distance mystery runs.
- Compatibility with Other Toys
All of today’s scientific discoveries have not been wasted on nonsense things like curing cancer. Important matters have been addressed as well. Thanks to the hard work and dedication of the world’s most talented perverts (I mean scientists), we now have vibrating dildos that are compatible with other toys. Granted, you’ll probably have to buy both devices from the same manufacturer to enjoy all the features, but the point is that we’ve finally reached a point in our evolution where we can achieve climax while being social butterflies instead of weird hermits.
Because of the integration of user-friendly, couples-engaging features, contemporary vibrating dildos are playing a huge role in making sex toys less taboo. In fact, vibe dongs have now been openly discussed and promoted on countless new broadcasts and other media outlets. Stay-at-home moms are hosting “romance” parties in their basements while the kids play upstairs, and guys with cock and confidence problems are finally getting their groove back. Dare I say that good vibrating dildos have the potential to change the world?
I’d proudly shout that from the rooftops if I knew that every shopper on the planet would end up buying the perfect model for themselves before forming an opinion. Unfortunately, that’s seldom ever the case. The sex toy market is not only huge but it’s also quite confusing to someone who doesn’t know what to look for. Personally, my first sex toy purchase was a set of anal beads and I hadn’t even tried ass play yet. The reason: I was so inundated with options that I got lost in my own perversion. Don’t let that happen to you.
The Top 5 Things to Look for in a Good Vibrating Dildo
The only way you’ll ever enjoy all the things that come with responsible vibrating dildo ownership is to shop with due diligence. And the only way to shop with due diligence is to have some predetermined guidelines in place to help you out. Fortunately, I just so happen to have a set of those just lying around in my office. Here they are, without further do – the top five things you need to look at or consider when searching for your first (or next) vibrating dildo:
- The Overall Size
Know this, my freaky friend: There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all vibrating dildo. Couples-friendly, versatile, adjustable or otherwise, the overall size of this particular toy plays a huge role in how much fun you and/or your partner will have with it. A proportionate vibe dong should be about the same size as your ideal penis, with a few centimeters thrown in for good measure. As always, be sure to understand that the total length and insertable length are two different things. And of course, never ignore the numbers regarding width (girth), especially if you’re new to sex toy play or intending to use your dildo both vaginally and anally.
- The Realism (Or Lack Thereof)
Good dildos don’t always look like a real dick. In fact, some of the best vibrating dongs on the planet are made to resemble anything but a human penis. And while you might think that such products wouldn’t sell or produce sexual pleasure, it turns out that orgasm can be reached through the use of more than just the natural shaft. On the other hand, there’s something to be said about a vibrating dildo that looks exactly like a throbbing cock. Either way, examine the realism (or lack thereof) on each toy you’re considering – you know, just to ensure it has the right stuff like an NYOTB song.
- The Materials
As with anything on the modern market, and especially contemporary sex toys, vibrating dildos are made from a wide variety of materials, some of which are not exactly safe for the skin. Granted, most of today’s best sex toy manufacturers have gone above and beyond to make sure their products contain nothing but high-end, hypoallergenic components. However, there are still a few stragglers that have latex, parabens and phthalates in them. Double check each dildo’s material list before falling in love. Getting a rash or an allergic reaction from your plaything can be a real heartbreaker.
- The Features
Vibrating dildos are set apart for one glaring reason: They vibrate. The speeds and intensities thereof can vary widely from model to model. Therefore, you must take ample time to review the various features offered on each device you’re eyeballing. Look for things like adjustable vibe settings using ergonomic touch-sensitive control pads or wireless remotes. Also peep the new SenseMotion Technology being used which adjusts the vibe settings with the flick of your wrist. You might also be interested in features like Sync-to-Music, virtual reality, and downloadable porn content, especially if you’re a horny power couple.
- The Manufacturer
That brings me to my last point. Always (and I mean always) consider the maker of the toy in your hand. Not only does the manufacturer’s reputation tell you a lot about the quality of product but it might also make you privy to certain advantages. Special sales and discounts are only the beginning. Some manufacturers actually offer quality guarantees and product warranties, not to mention the fact that some of the couples-friendly vibrating dildos can sync up with an automatic male masturbator if it’s made by the same people. And if you’re lucky, you may even be able to enjoy a little brand cross-over since many sex toy makers have started developing products together (Kiiroo and Fleshlight, for example).
No matter what you decide or how you come to that conclusion, it’s vital that you at least use the aforementioned guidelines to point you in the right direction. Keep in mind that today’s marketers are extremely clever. You may think you know what to get, but you could be sorely mistaken if you don’t shop smart.
Top 5 Best Vibrating Dildos to Consider:
Appreciating the value of vibrating dildos and knowing how to shop for one is only half the battle. You’re still up against thousands of different models with features that seem eerily similar to one another. It’s rough out there, so a few little suggestions can go an awfully long way for most people. With that said, here are what I consider to be the top five best vibrating dildos on the market right now:
1. The UPRIZE RC Erecting Dildo Vibrator
Forget about RC cars, this is best remote-controlled toy money can buy. The UPRIZE Erecting Dildo Vibrator uses the manufacturer’s patented technology to provide long-lasting, rock-hard erections that come with 10 different vibration modes that can be manipulated by you and/or your perv of a partner. This durable and delectable dick has a 6-inch circumference and a 6-inch insertable length, plus it features a convenient suction cup on the bottom of its flared, soft-balled base. Made entirely out of smooth, skin-safe silicone and happily harness compatible, the user-friendly URC is 100% waterproof, not to mention it uses a rechargeable battery and curves ever so slightly for momentous g-spot/p-spot motivation.
2. The Fun Factory Stronic Real
This USB rechargeable vibrating dildo is much more than meets the eye, although what meets the eye is already quite attractive. Shaped and sized just like a real human penis, the Fun Factory Stronic Real vibe dong is an active and alluring member of society. By that I mean it vibrates while also thrusting at seven different speeds and at three different intensity levels depending on which setting you choose on the integrated control panel, making it one of the most user-friendly, couples-compatible sex toys on the market. Sleek and sexy, this bad boy has a tapered, realistic tip, comes in two sophisticated colors, and measures 5.5 inches in insertable length with a 5-inch girth – perfect for both vaginal and anal stimulation.
3. The Fun Factory G5 Big Boss
If you’re anything like the rest of us, you can’t even look at this thing without immediately noticing how unique it is. With a specialized finger-loop handle on the bottom that features the toy’s integrated control panel, the Fun Factory G5 Big Boy offers 5 different speeds and 4 powerful vibration functions. Moreover, it’s made from medical-grade silicone and is completely waterproof in case you were wondering. This amazing work of ergonomics features a realistic shape and head, plus it measures a human-like 7 inches in insertable length with a generous 5.75-inch girth. The best thing about this vibrating dildo, however, is the speedy 2-hour recharge time required by the surprisingly robust internal power station.
4. The Urge Strapless Strap-On Dildo Vibe
I just had an urge to put this product on my Top 5 list because of its relatively exclusive design and impressively well-done features. As one of the rarest sex toy types, this already amazing vibrating dildo works triple time as a prostate massaging butt plug and a strapless strap-on. Curved slightly to meet the needs of all body types, the Urge Dildo offers 6 long inches of insertable length and brings 5 inches of girth to the table. It’s made out of skin-safe silicone too, meaning it’s hypoallergenic, compatible with water-based lubes and also submersible. This bad boy features a wireless remote control that handles all 8 of its pleasurable power variations.
5. The Shane Diesel Suction Cup Dildo with Balls
If you’re in the market for something hyper-realistic and large enough to fill the hole in your heart, then look no further than the Shane Diesel Suction Cup Dildo. Not only does it feature a pair of soft, textured balls that are molded to look and feel exactly like the famous porn star’s, but it also vibrates at various speeds and intensity levels to keep you cumming back for more. And with additional texturization on the shaft, a bulbous tip, and a suction cup base, there’s no limit to the things you could do to yourself or others with this thing. Remote controlled and crafted out of skin-safe PVC, the SD dildo even comes with an autographed picture as a bonus libation.
5 Tips for Picking Out/Using a Vibrating Dildo
Don’t take my word for it. Skim through the following tips and tricks to make sure you’re getting the most bang for your buck:
- Double check that you nor your partner have any skin sensitivities or allergies to certain materials, and then stay away from sex toys that contain those materials.
- Ensure you have enough personal lubricant on hand that’s compatible with the materials of your vibrating dildo and with you/your partner’s skin type.
- Consider whether you have the time and money to proper clean and store your new plaything.
- If provided, always register your toy’s warranty within the first 30 days of ownership to avoid an expensive disappointment.
- Make a budget for this purchase before you go shopping but remember that your financial limitations should be somewhat flexible to account for surprises, accessories, and shipping (where applicable).
As always, take the high road when shopping for a new vibrating dildo. Only buy your supply from a reputable dealer who offers discreet billing, private shipping, and reliable customer service.
One Final Word
It doesn’t take a genius to pick out a good dildo vibrator. After all, we’ve been naturally crafting our own versions since the beginning of time. Having finally entered the era of high-end sex toys, it’s time that you start shopping like an expert. And if we all raise the bar like this, then the world’s sex toy manufacturers will have no choice but to provide us with even better stuff. Either way, there’s likely already a vibrating dildo out there that’s perfect for you. I hope I’ve helped you track it down.