Before you roll your eyes in disbelief, yes, there’s a such thing as a squirting dildo. Designed to provide a hyper-realistic masturbation experience, gushing gizmos aren’t nearly as nasty as they sound.
When you get the right one, self-gratification is forever changed.
In fact, dribbling dildos can create a cascading effect that produces a whole-body orgasm.
Considering the fact that we buy fake dicks with “realistic” veins and porn star-inspired molds, it’s not too far-fetched to imagine a life-like sex toy that gushes in appreciation just like the real thing. In other words: squirting dildos offer you the well-timed money shot you deserve after all that humping and pumping.
- Give It to Me Straight, Doc: How Does a Top Ejaculating Dildo Work?
- The Five Features of a Fabulous Ejaculating Dildo
- The Top 3 Ejaculating Dildos on the Market in 2021
- 1.The “Bust It” Realistic Squirting Dildo by Doc Johnson
- 2. Doc Johnson Realistic Ejaculating Dildo 5.5 Inch
- 3. Lifelike Lover Classic Ejaculating Dildo
- The Official Squirting & Cumming Dildo User’s Manual
- The CONS and PROS of Ejaculating Dildos
Give It to Me Straight, Doc: How Does a Top Ejaculating Dildo Work?
Commonly referred to as “ejaculating dildos,” “cumming dildos,” or more specifically, “ejaculating marital aids,” squirting dildos, as we’ll call them here, allow the user to control when and how the toy cums during manual masturbation.
The way in which that feature is manipulated, however, depends on the toy and its manufacturer. As such, some squirting dildos are better than others.
First of all, the primary reason people like squirting dildos is the money shot, otherwise it’s simply a run-of-the-mill dick-shaped penetration device.
Understanding the voodoo that squirting dildos do is a vital step toward finding the ideal model. Put simply, ejaculating toys are a prime example of perverted realism if you use them right.
A squirting dildo works by ejecting your choice of lubricant from a pre-drilled hole in the tip.
Because many lubricants have the same appearance and texture as human semen, ejaculating dildos create a hyper-realistic sensation inside the vagina, the anus or on the skin. In fact, high-quality ejaculating dildos can accommodate warmed lube for even more intensified pleasure.
Finding the best squirting dildo requires not only patience and research but also a keen understanding of your body and sexual preferences.
Just like with any other sex toy you buy, there are a few considerations that must be made before money is exchanged. If you’re new to the realm of squirting dildos, this guide should help you navigate the trenches.
The Five Features of a Fabulous Ejaculating Dildo
There’s one thing that all sex toys have in common, and that is that none of them have anything in common. They’re all created differently; and as such, their features and functionality vary widely.
Simply jumping into the ejaculating dildo pool without knowing what to look for will leave you up Shit’s Creek without a paddle (literally).
Plus, you may end up hating the idea without ever experiencing all that these unique toys have to offer and that would be a damn, dirty shame.
To find the toy with the most potential, compare it against similar toys using the following criteria:
No matter what anybody says, size is VERY important. This is especially true when you’re talking about penetrating sex toys.
Like all dildos, the squirting variety comes in a variety of shapes and sizes to satisfy the desires of all tastes. Don’t forget about that when shopping just because one of the options you find have cute features or a convenient design.
Apparently, there’s a “cucumber test” you can administer to determine the ideal size of a dildo, but I have no idea what that involves so here’s an easier, more environmentally-friendly way:
- Figure out how many fingers need inserted into your vagina or anus to stimulate pleasure.
- Consider the gratifying effects of gentle stretching.
- Measure the width of your fingers.
- Use the width measurement to determine the average diameter of the dildo you should buy.
Keep in mind that most squirting dildos are standard-sized but many manufacturers produce extra-small or extra-large devices as well.
Usually, you can find a toy’s measurements in its description. If not, your best bet is to move along.
Let it be known: not all dildos are shaped realistically, or like penises for that matter.
Especially in the highly specialized squirting dildo market, toys are offered up with such variety that consumers must take a more educated approach to purchasing one than they would a family sedan. We’re talking shafts that are straight, curved, angled, ridged, bumpy, extremely veiny, and so on.
These things are made to provide a wild ride but that’s a ridiculous number of options to choose from.
Don’t skip the shape when you’re considering whether a squirting dildo will work for you. The shape of any toy is supposed to work with your body to stimulate various erogenous zones.
The squirting action of these customizable dildos is meant to work in tandem with all that. If it has a terrible shape or features curves and bumps that don’t do it for you, the entire experience may be ruined (or excessively messy).
TIP: For best results, stick with the realistically shaped squirting dildos, especially since these toys are designed to provide the most life-like experience outside of real sex.
It’s okay to be a material girl when you’re living in a material world. With modern-day manufacturers constantly introducing sex toys made from new or questionable materials, it makes perfect sense to shop with caution.
Skin sensitivities and allergies can be a real downer, not to mention potentially dangerous.
The best squirting dildos are made from high-quality, medical-grade or skin-safe materials such as:
- Polycarbonate plastic
- A brand’s patented skin material (SuperSkin, CyberSkin, etc.)
Try to stay away from toys made with latex because it limits the kind of lubrication you can use during sex and may cause skin irritation.
Furthermore, steer clear of phthalates as they’ve been linked to cancer and other serious health conditions. Being a responsible sex toy owner and user means treating your device and your body with respect.
That brings me to my next point: the material used on your toy will directly affect how easy it is to clean, store and maintain.
In addition, not all materials are made with the same industry standards. You’ll notice both skin-safe silicone and medical-grade silicone mentioned. Not only are they not the same but they feel and smell differently as well.
I probably don’t have to tell you this, but the features of your squirting dildo are extremely important. While many “ejaculating marital aids” offer vibrations, some do not.
On the other hand, a few of the best models on the market offer a whole lot more than some standard vibes – super high-tech features like Bluetooth compatibility, VR headset syncing, downloadable porn, online content libraries, motion-activated sensors and linked smart phone apps.
Remember, however, that your dildo’s functionality is dependent on your ability to manipulate the controls.
So, if you’re not very tech-savvy, an ultra-modern model probably isn’t right for you.
Alternatively, those who are comfortable with contemporary technology might find the traditional, low-tech models a bit too boring or predictable.
Last but not least, you should probably glance at the price.
After all, most consumers want to get the most “bang” for their buck (pun intended). Looking at each product’s price tag will help you determine which manufacturers are living in reality and which ones have their head in the clouds.
While there’s no magic number, expect to spend at least a couple hundred bones for a squirting dildo that’s worth your time.
BONUS FEATURE: COLOR
Today’s sex toy industry is all about being attractive and trendy. As such, you’ll find squirting dildos in a wide variety of colors, from human complexion shades to bright neon hues.
Although most of those techni-colors are made with skin-safe materials, err on the side of caution by double checking each product’s ingredients list (if possible).
The Top 3 Ejaculating Dildos on the Market in 2021
You’ll find a plethora of squirting dildo models out there, but as you know now, they’re not all worthy of your attention. While not every sensible device is on this list, the top three models are mentioned below (in no particular order):
1.The “Bust It” Realistic Squirting Dildo by Doc Johnson
Made by a reputable company, the Bust It is made in American with the best quality materials and under strict manufacturing standards, a.k.a. no latex or phthalates.
With a hyper realistic design, this flesh-colored veiny mold conveniently features a removeable suction cup and a syringe-style lube ejector.
The total length is just over 9 inches, but the total insertable length is around 7 inches. That leaves about 2 inches of hangtime for a solid grip.
It has a nice girth of a little under 6 inches and it’s available in three humanistic colors: white, brown and black.
FAVE FEATURES: It comes with a small sample of “Nut Butter” which is a synthetic jizz replacement, plus the price and proportions are both on point.
2. Doc Johnson Realistic Ejaculating Dildo 5.5 Inch
Nobody is certain who Derek is but apparently, he’s got an enormous dick. This thing is a squirting dildo of epic proportions. At 12 inches long and over 7 inches in circumference, Derek provides a fit that’s only for the pros.
It features a realistic look and feel, plus it holds about ½ ounce of “jizz” in the toy’s ball sack which, conveniently, doubles as a hand pump for the money shot.
FAVE FEATURES: It’s affordably priced and surprisingly easy to fill with lube.
3. Lifelike Lover Classic Ejaculating Dildo
Although it’s made by a relatively unknown company, the SD with vibes gives users the best of all worlds – a realistic feeling dildo, an easy-to-use squirting mechanism and spine-tingling vibrations.
And while many people look at this thing and assume it’s merely a novelty item, CosmeticPerfection has still managed to create an effective erotica device that’s user-friendly and ergonomically sufficient. It measures 8.25 inches in total length (with 6.75 inches of that insertable), plus it has a 6.25-inch circumference and a 29-inch remote control cord.
That’s right; I said this thing is remote controlled.
FAVE FEATURES: The remote control makes this toy so much fun to use during couple’s play, not to mention how the vibrating motors add a pleasurable plot twist to the story.
The Official Squirting & Cumming Dildo User’s Manual
Did you know that climax is just as important to sexual gratification as the initial engagement (a.k.a. foreplay or insertion)? While men are constantly coddled with voyeuristic sex toys designed to give them terrific visuals, women happen to like a good look as well.
In today’s highly technological world, it’s now possible for the ladies to achieve a realistic orgasm while watching the show unfold.
Getting the most out of any squirting dildo requires some common sense, not to mention a little familiarity with the product itself. Aside from understanding how the toy works, knowing a few tips and tricks can improve your experience tremendously.
The following are 3 facts you need if you’re in the market for a squirting dildo:
- The Lube You Use Matters
Your squirting dildo will ejaculate whatever you put in it. So, if you pour poison into your toy, expect a bad day. As such, the lube used in your “squirty thingy” matters more than you might think.
When a man cums, his semen is thick and musty, right? Some of these things eject lube that looks, feels and smells like the real thing.
Point of advice, however: try to always use a lube that’s produced or recommended by the same manufacturer who made the toy. Aside from pure functionality and brand affiliation, safety should be your primary concern.
Some lubricants aren’t good for all skin types, especially the ones that contain latex or other potentially hazardous chemicals.
Since the best squirting dildos are usually made from silicone or TPE, stock up on silicone-based or water-based lubes just to be safe (and savvy).
FUN FACT: Some squirting dildos allow users to create their own unique lube recipes (like the Doc Johnson Realistic Ejaculating 6-Inch Cock). There are even a few flavored lubes to try out in case you’re wanting to brush up on your oral presentation.
- Your Prep Game Needs to Be on Point
Owning and operating a squirting dildo should require a license. Although they all come with a set of instructions from the manufacturer, the learning curve can be somewhat difficult with some models.
Not only should you prepare for the feast by familiarizing yourself with the toy beforehand but you should also manage each session like a sex-pert.
To do so, you’ll need to know how to fill the dildo’s “cum” chamber. Keep in mind that all models work differently, so make sure you know where the trigger is located and how to activate it.
Some models require the user to squeeze a hand pump while others eject lube with the press of a button. Whip out those instructions so you don’t mess anything up.
- Deal with the Aftermath Like a Pro
Sometimes, it’s fun to get a little messy. However, not cleaning up after yourself is a rookie mistake. Unclean dildos (especially ones with hollow chambers) can become breeding grounds for bacteria if they’re not maintained properly.
On top of that, dirty dicks can cause infection, skin irritation or simply break down the material of the device over time. Try to deal with the aftermath like you know what you’re doing.
Many times, squirting dildo makers have incorporated the cleaning process into the overall design of the toy, making it easy to take care of.
However, some manufacturers haven’t gotten the memo and thus, their toys are quite difficult to maintain. Look for something that requires little more than a quick rinse with mild soap and water.
Understand as well that most squirting dildos allow for portion control, meaning they eject varying amounts of lube/jizz depending on which setting is chosen by the user.
So, if you select a large load then you might want to lay something down to protect your floor or bed. And since squirting dildos aren’t just for solo artists, keep your partner’s comfort and hygiene in mind as well.
The CONS and PROS of Ejaculating Dildos
In order for anyone to experience the true magic of a squirting dildo they must know what they’re getting into. Below are a few pros and cons you should consider:
- Squirting dildos are ideal for those with fantasies about semen and causing orgasm.
- These toys allow users to safely and privately fulfill desires.
- SDs increase satisfaction by stimulating all the major body senses.
- Ejaculating marital aids help spice things up in the bedroom without involving outside parties.
- High-quality squirting dildos often accommodate a variety of lube types and recipes.
- Many models offer the same high-tech features that non-squirting models have.
- Squirting dildos aren’t nearly as discreet as other models.
- SDs require more maintenance and patience, especially during cleanup and storage.
- Ejaculating marital aids aren’t likely to make you climax if you require g-spot or direct clitoral stimulation.
- Many people consider squirting dildos more of a novelty item than a reliable staple.