I can’t stand the thought of waxing my own pole anymore, so when it hit me that there are still thousands of men in the world who regularly fuck socks I knew I had to look for a better alternative. The old saying goes that a man knows his own junk better than anyone else, thus why so many naïve fellas continue to beat their own meat like it’s still the first day of 8th grade. I get it, but I don’t agree with it. It’s the 2018, fuckers. Time to grow up.
By that I mean it’s time to start slipping your dipper into something a little more high-tech than your fist or tube sock. Not only is that shit cheap and pathetic, but it also doesn’t feel half as good as some of the toys on the market do these days. Take, for instance, the Sayber X. In my quest to find something that was good enough to change the minds of the homemade sex toy enthusiasts, I came across this expensive bastard and figured I would give it a try.
There’s nothing more frustrating that growing the balls to try something new only to be disappointed in the end. That’s enough to turn even the bravest among us into full-blown skeptics. I get that too, which is I why I ran this toy through the gamut; I tried to break it just to test out its limitations. In the process, I wound up finding a handheld masturbator that makes hands-on masturbation feel like some lame bullshit.
Before I get into the nitty gritty of this thing, I should first tell you that it had some stiff competition. On the roster was the Fleshlight and Kiiroo brand lineups, as well as the popular AutoBlow 2. As similar toys made by reputable manufacturers, I thought the Sayber X should be judged by a jury of its peers. What can I say? I would have finished law school if I didn’t get distracted by all these fuck holes.
What Is the SayberX?
The Sayber X is a handheld sex simulator that erks and jerks your junk into submission with the help of several fuckable features. I’ve heard of sitting on your hand and calling it a stranger, but this takes shit to a whole other level. If you’re sick of blasting off like a lame ass, the SayberX is a sleek and sexy way to add some power to your palm.
Designed to swiftly stimulate all parts of the penis (corona and shaft), this stealthy son of a bitch uses a series of commanding motors to send waves of pleasure up and down the canal. It has a relatively tight opening, a non-anatomical orifice, and human-like ribbing splattered on the inside of the removeable sleeve. The overall look of the SayberX pays homage to simplicity, but the lustrous casing gives it a tailored, high-tech, and somewhat otherworldly appearance.
But didn’t your mother ever tell you not to judge a book by its cover? While this toy has its merits, it could certainly use some work. The various features of it are satisfying enough, but in a world full of automatic pumpers with VR capability and free access to porn content, using the traditional toy to crank one out is growing more tiring by the minute. Luckily, the SayberX is another one of those automatic motherfuckers with lots to offer a guy who’s not into all that fancy shit.
SayberX Introductional Video
Fancy may not accurately describe this bitch, but the technology behind it is like something out of a science fiction movie. The Gods of Good Sex smiled upon the makers of the SayberX, especially when the designers were coming up with the hyper-realistic material that spans the toy’s inner chamber. I, for one, preferred the SayberX material over the Fleshlight SuperSkin shit that’s got everyone’s panties in a wad. Call me a rebel.
The soft and silky SayberX also features basic improvements on the features it already had from the original version. The plastic outer casing is much thicker and more durable this time, made from what I can only assume to be some sort of hypoallergenic, medical-grade magic trick. While robust and solid, the entire contraption is still surprisingly lightweight and portable. Considering that there’s also an onboard drive system that powers the motor, I was shocked by its grace.
Furthermore, this toy has a variety of play-improvement features that make using it much more enjoyable than the standard handy (self-inflicted or otherwise). For one thing, it has this setting that sustains the toy’s motion without assistance. You won’t have to manually pump it, but you can if you want to. There’s a Sex Ring attachment available too, which is basically just a silicone finger loop that reacts in real-time to the wearer’s body movements. It connects directly to Bluetooth and can foster a pretty good time between two creative pervs.
And while the distance limitations of the Bluetooth connectivity are somewhat restrictive, there is the possibility for long-distance loving if you’ve got someone just as fucked up as you to play along. The Sayber X features 5 different speed functions as well, which meant I customized by session by experimenting with the throttle. Fun Fact: this little bastard could even be used for stamina training by any dude with a penis no bigger than 7 inches. I feel sorry for all you guys out there with massive donkey dicks, or do I?
The Sayber X is by far not the most expensive sex toy on the market these days, with some of the fancier shit costing hundreds if not thousands of dollars for just a base model without any accessories. For the price, which is about $300 for the device and pleasure ring, you get the following items:
- The Sayber X handheld sex simulator
- A sample packet of the brand’s patented lube
- An instruction manual
- A standard electrical power cable
This toy, much like the Fleshlight Launch, Kiiroo Onyx 2, and other automatic masturbators, is advertised as feeling “like someone is riding you,” and it certainly gives the competition a run for its money. As a more compact version that’s missing only VR capability to make it an equal, the Saybe X costs a little less and comes with the same kind of manufacturer’s warranty as the others do. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come with a storage case either. Can someone let these fuck faces know we need discretion?
Anyway, there’s an iPhone and Android app designed for this magnificent monster too, which makes long-distance play using the motion-activated ring a fucking party in the pants. Keep in mind that a less expensive model of the Sayber X is available as well (cost: about $250), but it doesn’t come with the app-linked X ring. Neither models come with a replacement sleeve, but both the X ring and extra sleeves can be purchased and repurchased at your leisure.
TIP: The X Ring costs about $30, so it may be cheaper to buy the toy and the ring separately instead of buying the whole kit and caboodle as a set.
I’ll be honest here. The mechanical fluidity of the Sayber X pales in comparison to the performance of the competition. It’s admittedly a little on the jerky side, but I like it rough. While the Fleshlight Launch and Kiiroo Onyx 2 are smooth operators, I prefer a toy that feels like it’s there. The Launch is kind of heavy and the Onyx is bulky as hell, but both are super quiet and run too smoothly to provide the bumpy ride that some men (like me) like.
I’ll go a step further and say that the SayberX feels like an actual vagina. While the brand doesn’t have a massive inventory of orifices, sleeve textures, and famous porn star models to mold, their overall ability to capture the nuances of the female canal is uncanny. There aren’t any sleeve warmers available either, but I found that the Fleshlight sleeve warmer works just fine with whatever removeable sleeve you have. Then again, warm water and a little patience work too.
Warm or not, the combined sensations of the toy’s life-like sleeve texture, its shape, and the powerful gyration of the motor had me catching feelings in about 2.5 seconds flat. I don’t need all that visual aid bullshit to bust a nut. Don’t get me wrong; watching porn and fucking imaginary partners is fun and all, but big boys have enough perversion in mental storage to fill up an encyclopedia.
My opinion is that the Sayber X is perfect for guys who like to sit back, close their eyes, and have their dicks juiced like an orange while they wait for their laundry to dry. It’s not for busy motherfuckers who need 100 things going on at once to cop a release. This toy is simple, solid, and satisfying. Big boys don’t cry.
Opinions Are Like Assholes
Everybody might have an opinion, but I doubt anyone has fucked the SayberX more times than I have at this point. I keep going back for more, trying to discover hidden design flaws, tips, and tricks to share with you lazy bastards. It’s a lot like watching a movie 4200 times; you not only memorize it, but you also begin to take notice of shit you hadn’t realized before. That’s where the fuck I am in all this. I haven’t seen daylight in weeks.
PROS: Because of my experience with toys like this, my opinion counts for something by default. While nothing leaves me speechless anymore, the Sayber X did a good job shutting me up with the following positive attributes:
- Mr. Popular – This toy was not developed by a team of big-wig CEOs at a large company. It was created using an Indiegogo Crowdfund project with a 108% success rate.
- Handyman – It’s a high-tech pleasure provider made with German engineering that’s solid enough to make you question your opinion of World War II.
- Friends with Benefits – The Sayber X can be bought with the X Ring and used with a free app to be activated and controlled from anywhere on the planet.
- Reality Check – The opening, inner chamber, motor movements, realistic SayberSkin material, and speed settings combine to create a toy that’s capable of making you second-guess reality.
- Movin’ On Up – Any automatic sex toy is far superior to a traditional handy or blow job.
- Open Sesame – Once available only through the maker’s Indiegogo campaign with a special order, the general public can now buy a Sayber X and take it home to destroy.
- Bands Will Make You Dance – The X Ring is motion-sensitive, Bluetooth compatible, and adjusts in size. There’s even an extra-large band to go on your favorite toys, I’m not even kidding.
- In Charge – You don’t have to charge anything (except maybe your smart device that’s hooked up to the X Ring) because this toy plugs into the wall outlet for its power.
- The Skinny – The brand’s patented SayberSkin has been to the clinic and is free from all STDS, phthalates, and toxins, so it won’t rash you out no matter how hard you fuck it.
CONS: With all these positive things to say, you’d think my opinions wouldn’t include shit talking. You’re wrong. Nothing makes me more vocal than a sex toy with room for improvement. Here goes nothing:
- Missed Connections – The app makes long-distance play more fun, but for some reason the Bluetooth connectivity between devices in the same room is often sketchy. In all fairness, that’s probably due to the overall shittiness of Bluetooth itself.
- Rash of Bad Luck – If you have an allergy to latex, you may find yourself up Shit Creek without a paddle on this one.
- Size Matters – All the expertise used during the creation of this toy and it can only accommodate a 7-inch cock? I’m flabbergasted, and nearly a quarter of the male population is fucked.
- Chains of Bondage – While I can appreciate the freedom that comes from never having to chase down a charge, the electrical cord feature is a pain in the ass at times, namely when you’re trying to rub one out on the go.
- Slight of Hand – Although there are 5 distinct speed settings, the button which controls those settings is inconspicuously placed and, worst yet, touch sensitive. I accidentally changed the setting mid-stroke almost every time I used this toy.
- Call a Redo – Like I said, I have been slamming my ham into the SayberX for weeks on end. That must be why the material, albeit silky and well-made, has begun to show signs of wear. I’m literally fucking this thing to death.
Getting your hands on the perfect sex toy is not possible. As soon as something awesome comes out, there’s quickly someone (like me) to find the flaws in it. Because the world is filled with varied opinions, needs, quirks, and quests, it’s not easy for a toy manufacturer to develop a flawless product. Put simply: we’re all some assholes that are too picky for our own good. We’ve got to learn to give credit where credit is due.
My Judgment Call
For a sex toy that started out a just an idea between business partners, the Sayber X has come a long way. The new and improved version is much sleeker than the original, but I suppose that’s how it goes when you start to learn about what the market wants. This toy has made itself comparable to the Fleshlight Launch and Kiiroo Onyx 2 – not an easy feat whatsoever. That’s got to count for something.
In my opinion, the makers of the Sayber X saw a need and filled it by creating a sexy yet simplified version of the hottest automatic blowjob machines on the market. They did it at a price point that’s relatively reasonable, despite the need for continue replacement sleeves and lube. The extra cost of the X Ring is a turn-off though, especially considering it’s the main thing that makes this toy cool. Without the ring, the Sayber X is just a squishy hole that jerks you off automatically. Wait, that sounds amazing too.
The complaints lodged against the Sayber X are fair, but none of them are deal breakers for me. I can work around a bad Bluetooth connection. I can wear a condom to prevent an allergic reaction to latex. I can enjoy some corona stimulation if my dick gets too big for the hole (I’ve been using a penis extender). I can get an extension cord or power adapter to give myself more room for special exploration. I can keep my goddamn hands to myself and let the toy do what it does best. And I can even afford the general maintenance of my toy by putting a little money back for replacement sleeves. After all, responsible and imaginative sex toy ownership is the name of the game.
You can find out more information or buy the sayberx at their official website.