Top 7 Best Blowjob Machines In 2021 – Reviews & Best Prices Online (See The List Below)

Getting a blowjob is the shit. Is there anyone who has the balls to disagree with us? It’s the whole “finding someone to deep throat you and do that little thing with their tongue” that makes it complicated.

Sure, partners are great, but they always want to cuddle afterwards. Hookers can be cheap, but they seldom take no for an answer. And jerking yourself off gets the job done, but where’s the fun in that?

Having access to an automatic blowjob machine is the tits, and thanks to modern science, there is little that the most popular models can’t do. Hyper-realistic and majorly mind-blowing, our top picks are the cream of the crop in our horny yet humble opinions.

We don’t take this shit lightly either. Telling us there’s a machine that will suck our dicks while we casually eat bar peanuts is a dream come true. We’re not going to let these bastards play with our emotions.

Here Are Our Top 7 Best Blowjob Machines In 2021:

We’ve put our courageous cocks through the ringer on your behalf. And as soon as we get done icing our empty yet satisfied balls, we will flood you with an onslaught of complaints about that.

In the meantime, have a gander at our top seven fuckable favorites:

#1 Autoblow Artificial Intelligence Blowjob Simulator

Too many people talked smack about the original Autoblow, so the makers went back to the drawing board and came up with the world’s very first blowjob machine equipped with artificial intelligence, endurance training settings, and a patent-pending penis gripper to increase the realism of each experience.

The Autoblow A.I. is an extremely high-tech yet surprisingly user-friendly masturbator for men, with a textured silicone sleeve (that’s interchangeable by the way) and 10 different pleasure settings to explore – one of which will continually change its technique until you get off or shut off.

It runs like a racehorse, is 50% quieter than the original, and can pinpoint 250 distinct pleasure zones along the shaft of the penis without ever losing an ounce of power (because it gets plugged directly into the wall via an AC/DC adapter, which means it doesn’t need batteries or a recharger).

Origins of Our Loyalty

  • Quieter than the original
  • Lightweight and durable design
  • Intuitive functionality for optimal customization
  • Ergonomic, built-in controls
  • Interchangeable sleeves with varied textures (sold separately)
  • Ideal for stamina training
  • Easy to clean and maintain
  • Made from non-porous, skin-safe materials
  • Accommodates all penis sizes (with enough lube)
  • Non-stop masturbation possible
  • Decent price point



#2 The Kiiroo Keon Blowjob Machine

There is little that the Kiiroo Keon can’t do in terms of cranking out the very last drop of baby batter left in your nut sacks. The only reason it’s at number two on our list is because it’s big, it’s the most expensive automatic blowjob machine on the market.

Albeit an investment in cash and space, this titanic of a toy is totally worth the price.

It can synchronize with Bluetooth via smart device to provide long-distance real-time play for couples, gyrate alongside pre-recorded porn content from a massive library, pleasure your private parts using an array of self-driven speed and vibe features, and pretty much do everything your partner can do besides wash the dishes or complain about your stamina.

Origins of Our Loyalty

  • Stealthy operation
  • Rocket-like motor speed and power
  • Compatible with all Kiiroo models.
  • Compatible with Oculus Rift, Google Glass, and most other VR headsets
  • Great for solo artists and couples
  • Long distance relationship support
  • Fantasy fulfilment
  • Impressive durability and life span
  • Decent price point
  • Wireless when not charging
  • Hot and high-tech looking
  • Can accommodate various penis sizes depending on the masturbator insert





#3 Kiiroo Onyx Plus

The Onyx Plus by Kiiroo is a magnificent machine for its intended purposes, with complete Bluetooth smart device compatibility and plenty of online porn content for your VR viewing pleasure.

Made primarily of medical-grade silicone and high-density polymer, this automatic blowjob contraption runs at top speeds of 140 strokes per minute and can be used alone or with VR glasses.

The magic show stars a powerful motor which runs 10 contracting inner rings that glide smoothly up and down the shaft in tandem with the real-time movements of the people or content involved. Neato mosquito!

The Origins of Our Loyalty

  • Quiet operation
  • Powerful motor
  • Self-sustainable
  • Incredible versatility
  • Affordable price point
  • Can accommodate small and average-sized penises
  • Incredibly real feeling
  • Great for solo artists and couples
  • Long distance relationship support
  • Extended motor/battery life
  • Wireless when not charging
  • Somewhat sexy looking





#4 Fleshlight Quickshot Launch Blowjob Machine

The Quickshot Launch is a sexy little number that combines all the fuckworthy features of the insanely popular Quickshot male masturbator with the high-tech components of the best-selling Fleshlight Launch – an automatic blowjob device of epic proportions, with an adjustable speed of up to 250 strokes per minute.

As the first of its kind, this bad boy is a powerful yet compact machine with an open-ended design to make cleanup and maintenance a snap.

Hailed as one of the world’s most luxurious cock teasers, the original Launch device was only compatible with the brand’s full-sized masturbators. But along came the QL, and now we can enjoy the same hands-free fun with our favorite clear, compact and conveniently designed masturbator sleeve.

Origins of Our Loyalty:

  • Transparent sleeve and cradle
  • Variable speed and stroke lengths
  • Three pleasure zones
  • Rechargeable via USB
  • 60-minute run time
  • Wireless control with Fleshlight Active Launch Mode
  • Universal smart phone mount
  • Accommodates most penis sizes
  • Made from patented skin-safe material
  • Ergonomic design for easy control

*NOTE: The Quickshot male masturbator sleeve is sold separately.



#5 AutoBlow 2 Blowjob Simulator

Although the AutoBlow 2 is our number 3 pick, it still has a few leading qualities about it.  And while it’s somewhat cumbersome in size and shape and can’t accommodate larger penises, this automatic head giver gives an outstanding performance.

With an appearance that is reminiscent of the famous Fleshlight, the AutoBlow2 is a new and improved version of its original design – a sex toy that took the industry by storm.

Featuring a massive motor with at least 1,000 guaranteed hours of power and with enough juice to go completely hands-free, this marvelous machine comes with three different sleeves (each with a slightly different tightness) and uses the tried-and-true pleasure rings phenomenon that keeps us “cumming” back for more, even if it’s not as high-tech as its cousins.

Origins of Our Loyalty

  • Plugs into the wall, so no need for charging
  • Tolerable noise level
  • Discrete shape
  • Realistic texture sensations
  • Good speed differential
  • Can accommodate all penis sizes, depending on sleeve used
  • Extremely powerful motor
  • Dependable
  • Surprisingly durable
  • Exceptional price point



#6 Lovense Max 2

This automatic blowjob beast pushed all our buttons in all the right ways, despite the fact that it’s not as fancy as the other toys on our list. The Lovense Max 2 is touch-sensitive, meaning it’s super easy to use and great for couple’s play.

It features these tiny little air vents which control suction with a swipe, and it has a fully rechargeable battery that’s compatible with Bluetooth – making it perfect for real-time fun on the run.

This wireless toy is ideal for long-distance romance and is compact enough to stow on the go. With remote, app, or on-device touch controls, this high-tech pleasure pioneer is relatively affordable and requires no assembly or add-ons to get started.

Origins of Our Loyalty

    • Wireless when not charging
    • Can accommodate small to average-sized penises
    • Compact and convenient for travel
  • Decent speed options
  • Ergonomic and attractive shape
  • Nearly silent
  • Commanding motor strength and longevity
  • Affordable price point
  • Hyper-realistic material
  • Compatible with Bluetooth and other Lovense Max toys
  • Durable
  • Impressive battery life




#7 SayberX

If cute and compact convenience is what matters most to you, then the Sayber X might be what you’re looking for. This super sleek and sexy automatic blowjob beast features an insanely cushiony texture with a hyper-realistic feel (SayberSkin), stretched over a 7-inch/2-inch chamber that sends the sensations of 5 different speed functions up and the down the main vein.

The Sayber X works a lot like the Kiiroo Onyx and the AutoBlow in that it utilizes pleasure rings to simulate oral sex. However, the Sayber X can use motion-activated rings (at an extra cost), and the original price tag is surprisingly affordable to begin with.

Origins of Our Loyalty

  • Ergonomic German engineering and design
  • Compatible with most smart devices via the SayberX app
  • Reasonable operating volume
  • Smooth and realistic movements
  • Affordable price point
  • Masculine looking
  • Compact and travel-worthy
  • Durable and dependable
  • Can accommodate small and average-sized penises
  • Wireless when not charging
  • Comes with storage



Ridiculously high standards are what we are best known for. So, despite the following toys’ obviously purposeful popularity, we still managed to find a way to complain. It’s not every day we get to have such a good time being ungrateful assholes, so leave it alone. Our top penis-juicing picks are based on the following cock-worthy criteria:

  • Price – How affordable is this shit for men with real-life bank accounts?
  • Textures – What sort of sleeve surfaces and consistencies are available for this motherfucker?
  • Features – What happens if we push this button?
  • Compatibility – Does this bitch work with my other toys or, better yet, with my Bluetooth?
  • Accessories – If I want to get some customized brain with this son of a bitch, is that possible?
  • Sensations – How life-like feeling is this bastard, really?
  • Upkeep – Is it going to be a pain in the ass to clean up after myself?
  • Durability – How many times can I abuse this thing before it falls apart on me?
  • Discretion – Am I going to have dozens of awkward conversations?
  • Appearance – Will I look like a cool kid when I’m using this beast?

After we have answered all the important questions, we then rate the sons of bitches and list them in order, for your convenience. As children, we wanted to make the world a better place. Instead, we review automatic blowjob machines and we’re proud of it. At least we know where the best orgasms are. Nana-nana, boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo.

Pleasuring Yourself With a Quality Blowjob Machine

When shopping for your next self-driven knob slobber, we suggest borrowing some of our pre-formulated questions from above. However, being as the average blowjob sex toy purchase is a very personal endeavor, we also suggest coming up with a few inquiries of your own. In other words, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is my junk small, average, or monstrous?
  • Who will I be sharing this thing with (if anybody)?
  • How important is visual stimulation to me?
  • Do I get bored easily?
  • How much time do I honestly spend pleasuring myself with sex toys?
  • Do I have all the necessary supplies and equipment to enjoy this shit to the fullest?
  • What does my bank account have to say about all this?
  • Where in Hades will I put the damn thing?
  • Are there separate purchases required before I can bust a nut?
  • How is this better than a regular blowjob?
  • What’s the catch?

Not all automatic blowjob machines are created equally, so buyer beware. As a rule, they vary in size and function as much as they vary in price and appearance. Be sure your family jewels will sit snugly inside each chamber by checking the product specifications.

Also, remember to peruse the accessories available to see how much growing you can do with your new toy.

What’s the Catch?

In a perfect world, automatic masturbators would show up at your door fully assembled, lubed up, and ready to go. However, we live on Earth so that shit is never going to happen. Sometimes, you’ve got to fight for your right to party.

With that said, you should know that a few of the automatic blowjob machines on our list require a few things that might up the ante on the price tag. Those “things” include shit like:

  • extra parts
  • registration for online porn content
  • downloaded apps or programs
  • cell, internet, or data charges and fees
  • payment for video/chat database access
  • shipping and handling
  • taxes
  • hush money for your previous partners
  • lubrication
  • toy cleaner
  • sleeve material preservation powder
  • accessories
  • electricity
  • your dignity

There is a cost to everything. However, being able to get a mind-blowing blowjob whenever you want it without expending any extra energy seems priceless to us. As long as you get the kind of toy that’s suitable with your intended purposes, you shouldn’t have a problem.

While there are plenty of knock-offs out there, keep in mind that popular manufacturers got their notoriety for a reason.

How to Know a Good Blowjob Machine When You See It

Mama said there would be days like this, when a perverted man couldn’t get a good blowjob without swiping his credit card. Either way, buying your high-end sex toys from a no-name supplier is bad news for a million reasons.

Opting instead to trust your sensitive dicks to a reputable label is always a good idea. After all, would you let just anyone suck your delectable dick, would you? Don’t answer that.

Look, if you’re going to spend any amount of money on an investment in self-made orgasms, why not make the purchase count for something? All of the toys on our list have been pre-screened for legitimacy.

They each get delivered right to your door in unmarked boxes and are sold by trustworthy companies who use website encryption to keep their customers safe.

Furthermore, the sign of a good sex toy is a heap of positive reviews. If your time is money, save yourself some by skimming through what people are saying about the machine you’re interested in.

Keep in mind that opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one, but there are times when those incoherent rants can come in handy, especially when you’re unsure about which toy you should spend your hard-earned money on.

Back to homepage

Reviews Of The Top 5 Best Fleshlights In 2021

Buying a Fleshlight is something that over 2 million people have done at this point, so if you don’t have one yet, you’ve probably been living under a rock or jerking off into a sock.

That shit is just sad, especially considering how customizable a Fleshlight is. The days of relying on your own creativity are over, giving way to some of the most remarkable and affordable sex toys in the industry.

As a commanding force in the market, the famous Fleshlight brand has earned its lofty reputation for several good reasons.

In fact, the innovative company has gained such an incredible following that its designers have been forced to come up with some pretty crazy stuff.

However, in the rush to appease all you perverts, the plethora of sleeve texture options has become somewhat cumbersome. Navigating through the options can seem impossible, most notably for folks who aren’t yet familiar with the brand’s prowess.

Searching high and low for a well-made masturbator can be tedious to say the least; and if you don’t do it right, you could end up wasting a lot of your hard-earned money.

Fuck that noise! There are plenty of inventive fuck holes to choose from, but unless you have some sort of comprehensive buying guide, you’re shit out of luck.

And since new stuff is introduced to the market at the speed of light these days, getting ahead of the game makes more sense than blindly shopping online for the next big thing.

Top 5 Best Fleshlight Textures In 2021:

So, why is buying the perfect Fleshlight often harder than you are? Because the brand offers over 100 different sleeve textures, and nobody wants to spend money on the wrong shit.

That number includes things like the Freaks lineup and the Fleshlight Girls collection, two top contenders on the masturbatory market today.

The Freaks lineup features orifices and textures that are literally out of this world – werewolves, aliens, vampires, and cyborgs just to name a few.

The Fleshlight Girls collection is something that, until recently, was totally unheard of in the industry – sleeves that are expertly molded after the internal intricacies of some of the world’s top porn stars. Now do you understand why this shit is so hard?

There’s literally something in the Fleshlight inventory for everyone on the planet, which may explain why the brand’s popularity has reached legendary heights.

Sorting through the rousing rubble can be difficult, which is why this guide has been created. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. Among the plethora of options out there, the following 5 are continually the hottest selling ones in their catalogue:


1. The Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit (STU)

This sexy bastard is designed to provide such an intense sensation that it forces you to cum, thereby training your dick to last longer over time when it’s used regularly.

The texture is incredibly dense, with a variety of unique coils and nodes, and a tightness that reminds you of your first time. Not recommended for casual use or couple’s play, the STU will make you feel like a chump if you’re not careful how you use it.




2. The Fleshlight Ice

Made with voyeurs in mind, the Ice is completely see-through, allowing users to enjoy the sight of their family jewels being jerked into submission.

Perfect for solo artists and dominant duos, this badass beast of burden also features a unique sleeve and tantalizing tightness that work in tandem with the visual aid it provides. Popular mostly for its innovative transparent appearance, the Ice remains a top seller despite it’s familial competition.




3. The Fleshlight Quickshot

As one of the most compact masturbators in the Fleshlight lineup, the Quickshot is for the open-minded pervert on the go.

Being as it’s hollow on both ends and thus requires much less cleanup and maintenance, this bitch can give a full 360-degree massage to your man parts in the quickest and most convenient way possible.

Certainly not for everybody, the Quickshot is highly recommended for men who prefer a side of efficiency with their orgasms.




4. The Fleshlight Turbo

This bitch is about as close as you’ll get to a mind-altering blowjob without having to pay for dinner or watch out for the cops. Voted as the most realistic and satisfying alternative to oral sex, this self-driven dick sucker is designed to please even the men who think they know it all.

With three separate points of initial insertion and a special suction capability, the Turbo is like the Wu-Tang of sex toys: It ain’t nothin’ to fuck with.




5. The Fleshlight Girls Collection

Although this one consists of dozens of different toys, the premise of them all is the same. Each one is fashioned after the vagina, mouth, or asshole of a popular porn star. Not only is the orifice personalized but the internal texture is as well.

Moreover, these fuck sticks are perfect for use with the brand’s affiliated VR content and other live sex sessions. What can be better than that?


Considerations For Choosing The Best Fleshlight Sleeve Texture On The Market

Known globally for their wide variety of male masturbators, sexy accessories, and unique toy designs, the Fleshlight company has catapulted itself to the top of the intimacy aid industry, with customers ranging greatly in age, gender, and sexual appetite.

However, do to the overwhelming demand by the world’s most depraved minds, the brand has been required to churn out more products than the average consumer can handle at once.

Generally speaking, all Fleshlights are designed with the same purpose in mind. Comprised of similar materials and featuring comparable ergonomics, the average Fleshlight fuck stick offers a revolutionary ride using a durable and discreet outer casing that resembles a standard heavy-duty flashlight.

Inside rests a customizable skin-safe sleeve that’s made from the brand’s patented SuperSkin material. Each sleeve is removable and can be easily swapped out with any of the others in their inventory. And that’s where the problems begin.

Without some of this advice, you might end up like everyone else who visits their website to buy a sex toy: sifting through numerous pages of products only to close the tab and go back to beating your meat with a tired palm.

Perusing misleading customer reviews won’t get you anywhere, mostly because every man has his own unique desires when it comes to the type of experience they’re looking for.

You know what they say: “Opinions are like assholes, and everybody’s got one.”

In fact, Fleshlight has a few assholes of their own. Each of their toys can be further customized based on the type of orifice (or opening) you choose.

The brand offers mouths, pussies, anuses, and even a few non-anatomical options for the super freaks who want to fuck with freedom. Regardless of the opening, the hole is perfectly tight and textured just right. But, if you spend too much time figuring out what you want, you’ll be left with too little time to enjoy what you buy. The buck stops here, folks.

On a More Personal Note

Now, keep in mind that each of these toys (and most of the other ones in the Fleshlight inventory) are compatible with the Launch device – a fully automated machine that allows for hands-free fucking while enjoying shit like sexy games, live chat, virtual reality experiences, and long-distance love-making.

Although the Launch is obviously sold separately, it’s definitely a must-have addition to your Fleshlight collection if you’re looking for some high-tech pleasure.

Since buying a sex toy and picking out your favorite accessories is an extremely personal purchase, I’ll try not to get too bossy here.

However, the sheer number of sleeve options available for each of the toys offered by Fleshlight can be excruciatingly complicated. While designing your ideal sex slave from scratch might seem like a lot of fun, it’s not for the faint of heart.

Remember that each toy has its own unique sleeve, but they can all be interchanged. So, start out with something amazing but keep your mind open to the possibilities.

The Top 3 Best Fleshlight Sleeve Textures of 2021:

Your basic Fleshlight model is comprised of four simple components: an outer casing, the end-cap, a protective top cap, and of course the interchangeable sleeve.

While there are several copycats that are currently flooding the market, only this brand can promise such high quality and expertly designed craftsmanship.

In fact, this coveted toy has become so popular that the word “Fleshlight” is now being thrown around as a generic term for handheld male masturbators.

You know what they say: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” An original FL will measure a hefty 10 inches in length and will have about 3.5 inches of girth.

The sleeves will feel close to real human skin (especially when the sleeve warmer is used), and the whole s

Fleshlight Go & Fleshlight Classic

hebang will feature an ergonomic shape that’s suitable for nearly any man’s hand as well as a natural-feeling texture that promotes the organic movements of the human body in motion. But don’t take my word for it; look around on your own and compare what’s out there. Guarantee you will notice a difference immediately.

As mentioned, the famous Fleshlight brand sleeve comes in a variety of colors, shapes, sizes, and features hundreds of different textures designed to tease, tickle, or torture your dick into submission.

It’s always suggested that new users peruse the inventory to get an idea as the sheer number of options available, not to mention it’s a terrific opportunity to take a look at the shapes and textures in stock.

In the meantime, check out the top Fleshlight sleeve textures of the season:

  1. The Dirty Dozen of the Fleshlight Girls Collection

There are troves of filthy females who are just nasty enough to agree on having their most intimate parts molded by an undoubtedly horny professional artist.

These women carry the best-known names in the pornography industry, and the reasons for their popularity can be easily seen while viewing one their many videos.

With that said, some of the Fleshlight Girls have canal-inspired molds that feel much better than others. Of the top contenders, the following dirty dozen are the cream of the crotch crop:

    • Stoya
      • Stoya’s sleeves are just as penis-primed as she is, with tons of mystery and intrigue between every nook and cranny. With a somewhat relaxed opening met by an intensely tight canal which features several gentle teeth, nobs, and ridges, it’s no wonder why this sleeve is selling out faster by the day.
    • Riley Reid
      • Ms. Reid is one of the hottest of the hot – the Classic American beauty with a heart of gold. The same can be said about her amazing sleeve texture as well, which features three separate pleasure pads that each offer a unique sensation using squared-off nodules and pristine pleasure rings.
    • Brandi Love
      • Brandi’s sleeve texture is a lot like the vortex she creates in the bedroom. Twisted in all the right ways, this crazy insertable material twirls around the shaft after pleasing the penis’s corona with perfected tightness. Succumb the ridges as they swallow up every drop of jizz you produce.
    • Eva Lovia
      • This sleeve is inspired not only by the internal texture of Eva’s body but also by her unique personality. Full of surprises which include tightly twisting pleasure coils, soft yet supple tickling nodes, and straightened ridges that work together to juice your junk like the professional porn star it was designed by.
    • Alexis Texas
      • Considered to be one of the most realistic feeling textures in the Fleshlight Girls lineup, the Ms. Texas sleeve is a lot like an actual human vagina, without the need for extra ridges, coils, or nodes. Still, it’s organically smooth texture shouldn’t discourage you. The ergonomic formula God used to make her pussy and asshole a top seller is the same formula used to capture the greatness.
    • Jenna Haze
      • Imagine slamming your manhood into the softest bowl of skittles known in existence. The Jenna Haze sleeve texture is like cock candy, with the perfect number of little nobs to keep you cumming back for more unless, of course, you go into a daze over Jenna’s haze.
    • Lisa Ann
      • Known as one of the vets of porn, Lisa Ann’s still got it (and then some). Her molded sleeve texture is a lot like that of Jenna Haze, only it’s made to accommodate larger penises and features a much more relaxed opening that tightens up as you dive deeper. The nodes inside are a bit more intense as well, making this the ideal sleeve for men with desensitized dicks.
    • Kendra Sunderlan
      • Kendra’s sleeve texture is like something out of a science-fiction movie – a carnal carnival of sexy twists, turns, ridges, bumps, and nodules that work together seamlessly to provide the kind of thrill ride that made Ms. Sunderlan famous in the first place.
    • Asa Akira
      • Exotic is one of the first words that comes to mind when describing anything about Asa Akira, and that includes the shape and feel of her molded sleeve texture. There’s nothing simple about it: serpent-like and smooth in all the right places while also being able to play rough.
    • Christy Mack
      • Enjoy the wild and wonderful world of Ms. Mack’s magnificent manhole. This bad boy has all the most popular features rolled into one, with an end section that teases the tip of the penis with precision. After all, we all need to get wet and wild from time to time.
    • Misty Stone
      • They say that there’s nothing wrong with a little bump and grind, and they’re right – if they’re talking about the Misty Stone Fleshlight Girls sleeve texture, that is. Beginning with a few well-placed bumps and ending with a series of rough and tumble ridges to grind your dick to a halt, this smooth operator is quickly becoming a masturbatory mainstay.
    • Romi Rain
      • The brand hit one out of the park when they molded the pussy of Ms. Romi Rain. Her sleeve’s texture features the World Series of details, complete with a row of gentle nodes followed by a quick shot of ridges that are capped off by a puzzle-like pattern that finishes you off homerun style. Score!

Keep in mind that all the Fleshlight Girls are super sought-after stars, but that doesn’t necessarily mean their molded textures feel the best when compared to the others.

While the women who inspired the textures in this collection are beyond hot, there’s always a bit of competition. We shouldn’t want it any other way.

Moreover, some (not all) of the sleeves in this collection come in vagina, butt, or even mouth orifices, with varied textures thereof according to the one you choose. See why this choosing shit is so difficult?

  1. The Freaks Lineup

If you happen to be one of those guys who likes to spice things up or get kinky in the bedroom, the Fleshlight Freaks Lineup may be just what you need to turn your fantasy into a reality without all the unwanted consequences (like injury, death, dismemberment, or legal issues). The Freaks collection features the following freakishly delicious options:

    • The Drac – a coiled monstrosity of sexiness that is designed to resemble Dracula’s bat wing.
    • The Cyborg – an ultra-high-tech version of an organic vagina, plus the pleasure of a well-appointed twist.
    • The Frankenstein – twisted at first and then jagged to finish, this man-made marvel is as freaky as it gets.
    • The Zombie – with both a vagina and a mouth sleeve texture available, it’s possible to become once bitten but twice shy with this one.
    • The Predator – this self-explanatory sleeve features an orifice that resembles the character from the popular movie, “Predator.” Additionally, it also offers a playground of pussy power that’s designed to force the ejaculate right out of your junk – like it or not.
    • The Reaper – with a sleeve texture like this one, you’ll put all other toys to death once you feel the intense, death-defying details that lie within its catacombs.
    • The Alien – having an appearance of a quintessential alien is one thing, but if this is what fucking an extraterrestrial feels like, human women better step their game up.
    • The Bigfoot – if a sasquatch had a pussy, there would be a man who wanted to fuck it. That’s understandable, especially considering how this sleeve’s texture is like the Yellow Brick Road for dicks.
    • The Yeti – perfect for adventurous sight-seers and similar to the Bigfoot sleeve’s texture, the Yeti’s patterning is slightly less dense and features an opaque design to aid in voyeurism.

NOTE: Not all the Freaks Fleshlight sleeves come designed as more than one orifice. However, this revolutionary lineup does have all the same designs for women in the form of freakish dildos. Hubba, Hubba.

  1. The Flight Series

As one of the most popular handheld masturbator sleeve collections in the Fleshlight brand’s inventory, the Flight Series is a group of super sexy and sleek devices.

Each one comes in three different models with three distinct textures and are ideal for traveling and discretion. The series includes the following options:

    • The Aviator – slim, sexy, and clear for your viewing pleasure, this Flight Series version is chalk full of see-through texture rings that line the sleeve’s chamber which is large enough for penises of 8 inches in length.
    • The Instructor – with a non-anatomical orifice, the Instructor version is ideal for private perverts who enjoy having a ticklish shaft and a neglected corona.
    • The Pilot – aerodynamic and ergonomic, the Pilot version in the series features a sleeve texture that pushes back, creating a superb sucking sensation that’s like nothing else on the market.

The Flight Series is cool because, not only are the sleeve textures pretty impressive, but they are all compatible with the brand’s shower mount accessory (and the Launch; did I mention that?). Rather than taking a trip with a puny pocket pussy, pack one of these conveniently sized cock massagers into your carry-on and do it like a goddamn adult.

*Reminder: each of the Fleshlight units has the ability to house any of the sleeves you choose from any of the collections mentioned here.

Furthermore, all Fleshlight handheld masturbators (and their tailored sleeves) are made to work with the high-tech Launch machine that’s made from the same brand. Even better: The Launch can operate with the Kiiroo Onyx 2 and the Kiiroo Pearl 2 as well.

At this point, you have no more excuses if you’re not getting the best sex of your life.

The Top Two Runners Up

Fleshlight is a household name for numerous reasons, including their offerings of varied sex toys for both men and women. Aside from their cornucopia of industry-leading sleeves and porn star-inspired textures, this massive market force has even more to consider.

Behold, the brand’s top selling toys that don’t feature their tell-tell sleeve textures:

  1. The Fleshjack Series

Just a quick note here: the Fleshjack Series has become a huge part of the Fleshlight name.

Although the brand is most commonly known as a toy manufacturer geared towards men, the Fleshjack lineup of toys is designed specifically for women (and/or customers who are into seriously freaky anal play). Molded after the biggest male porn stars, these delectable dicks are veiny, voluptuous, and very hard . . . to pass up.

Each one has features that are similar to the standard Fleshlight and its subsequent collections – same SuperSkin material, same high-end manufacturing, same durability, same freaky inspirations.

The only thing is that these bitches use no textured sleeve, require zero casings, and won’t work properly with the Fleshlight Launch or other Bluetooth compatible toys. Looks like the wonderful world of women’s toys finally has some catching up to do.

  1. The Vibro

This gentle genital genius is another one made for the records. Featuring dual battery-powered inserts that vibrate at various speeds and in different patterns, this son of a bitch can make a live lover obsolete.

It can be used in solo mode or added to the Fleshlight party quickly and easily, not to mention seamlessly thanks to its high-tech electronic operating system. Just think of a standard Fleshlight, but add vibration to it – that’s the Vibro for ya.

This device is a hot seller because it comes in two distinct orifices – ass and pussy. There’s even a combo pack available that includes extra batteries, a small water-based lube sample, and both orifices.

Best of all, each of the orifices feature a unique texture that can only be described as magnificent. Just turn on the variable speed vibrations and let the party start (and end) with a satisfying climax.

Picking the Cherries

With so many options, how in the hell is anyone expected to know which product to buy? When your budget allows for only one item, which one will you choose?

Picking the cherries and scraping the cream from the top is easier when you quickly narrow down your search to include nothing but the toys that are right for your no-no spot.

Fortunately, most of the Fleshlight brand’s inventory is familiar and fun to use. But before you fall into the rabid rabbit hole and get too comfortable or confident, consider the following to avoid getting ripped off (or worse):

    • The Size of Your Dick
      • Not all Fleshlights are the same size.
    • The Sensitivity of Your Penis
      • Some of the devices feature more intense textures than others.
    • The State of Your Corona
      • Certain sleeves are designed to provide corona AND shaft stimulation.
    • The Visuals
      • The transparent design of some sleeves makes it possible to get a good view of the action, while some other sleeves are meant to keep shit under wraps.
    • The Time Constraints
      • The intensity of the sleeve you choose will directly affect how long it takes you to experience orgasm.
    • The Depth of Your Depravity
      • Not all Fleshlight designs are created equally, and some are damn sure not for the faint of heart.
    • The Company You Keep
      • There are plenty of couple’s play options available from this brand.
    • The Orifice You Prefer
      • Between a mouth, pussy, asshole, and non-anatomical opening, there’s enough variety to make a porn star blush. And that Freaks lineup, you already know.
    • The Money in the Bank
      • Each toy from this brand carries with it a different price tag, so pay attention to the numbers and try to make your money go further.
    • The Secrets You Keep
      • Not all products from this brand are compact, and many don’t have a carrying case or storage pouch included.

Use those considerations to help you figure out what kind of toy would do the most good. There is no one-size-fits-all toy on the market yet, but with a little research and self-consideration, it should be much easier to pin down the perfect product.

The Hard Questions for An Easy Orgasm

Once you have your requirements nailed down harder than your last lover, begin candidly asking yourself the following questions. Don’t worry; nobody is interested in your answers but you.

  1. Do I like slow, sensual sex or do I prefer something extremely intense?
    1. NOTE: The more texturized the toy’s sleeve texture is, the more likely it is that you’ll climax quickly.
  2. Do I need visuals, or will my partner or imagination suffice?
    1. NOTE: Toys will be available with a standard appearance, a transparent design, Bluetooth compatibility, or downloadable porn content for a variety of stimulating experiences.
  3. Do I have an unusual fantasy?
    1. NOTE: Some of this brand’s stuff is about as kinky as it gets, but other products in the lineup are very mainstream.
  4. Do I like to have sex or masturbate in numerous places?
    1. NOTE: Be sure to check out this brand’s accessory game so you can fuck like a duck in the bath, shower, pool, or hot tub.
  5. Am I in a relationship?
    1. NOTE: There are plenty of social options with the higher tech toys in this brand’s inventory, including long-distance relationship enhancers with live chat sessions, video strip teases, and even real-time VR porn.
  6. Do I need help keeping my dirty little secrets from peering eyes?
    1. NOTE: Not all units are compact, nor do they all have proper storage. However, each product is shipped in discrete packaging and comes from a fully encrypted website.
  7. Do I have it in the budget to afford what I need for a great experience?
    1. NOTE: Some of the products in this brand’s inventory work best when used with an accessory or similar device. Luckily, Fleshlight gives a discount when more than one sleeve is purchased in a single order.
  8. Am I opposed to being adventurous sexually?
    1. NOTE: Many of the Fleshlight toys are safe and affordable enough for experimentation.

Because there is no perfect product on the market, using these questions is one of the smartest things you can do. Later, when your eyes are rolling back in your head with pleasure over your wise purchase, see if you notice any brain growth.

It’s possible to become a better consumer by being diligent in this way.

Fleshlight Maintenance Must-Knows

The upkeep requirements on some of these bastards might be somewhat discouraging for some men (namely the lazy ones). To determine whether buying the Fleshlight you want is a deal breaker or not, keep these maintenance tips in mind:

    • Each toy and its relative sleeve needs to be cleaned thoroughly after every use.
    • The manufacturer suggests using the brand’s renewal powder to keep the integrity of the SuperSkin material intact.
    • The manufacturer also recommends using the brand’s patented toy cleaner instead of soap and water.
    • Battery operated toys should be unplugged after each use and fully charged before turning them back on to extend the life of the operating system within.
    • The toys should never be exposed to extreme hot or cold.
    • The sleeve should never encounter extremely fuzzy, porous materials or loose debris.
    • Each toy’s lining should be completely dry before using, especially if the sleeve is going into an electrically powered casing.
    • Inadequate lube can make masturbation painful.
    • All products should be hung to dry.
    • Keep your toy covered at all times to prevent unwanted dust or other potentially harmful debris from settling on the good stuff.

If you take care of your Fleshlight, then it will take care of you. So, it ultimately won’t matter how much money you spend on the toy. Proper maintenance will make your purchase pay for itself.

Making a Dick-a-Licious Difference with Your Fleshlight Toy

There are numerous ways to make your experience masturbating with the Fleshlight of your choice the best thing since sliced bread. Aside from picking the right one and taking good care of it, a few techniques have been discovered and (thankfully) shared over the years.

After all, the brand has been around for decades and offers hundreds of toy choices. There was bound to be an expert among us eventually.

Check this shit out, but be prepared to bow down to the Gods of Sex:

    • Use the sleeve warmer like you would use a good lube – absolutely and without delay.
    • Pick an intense sleeve texture if you’re dick is hard to please, you want to increase your sexual stamina, and especially if you’re uncircumcised.
    • Keep it real and go for something that’s on your skill level. You can always upgrade later once you get your mojo in check. There’s no shame in your game, so don’t add any.
    • Practice using the product’s various features prior to expecting it to give you an amazing session. It’s always awkward the first time.
    • Be sure the shower mount is very secure before attaching your Fleshlight device to it (hint: make sure your toy is fully waterproof too).
    • Squirt a big dollop of lube down into the sleeve before going in, just to avoid an unnecessarily bumpy ride.
    • Use the Fleshlight Girls Collection with the Launch device and a set of VR goggles to have the most realistic synthetic sex available in 2018.
    • Double check your network connectivity before getting started when you’re using long-distance toys or Bluetooth compatible devices.
    • Try the Fleshlight Launch with the Kiiroo Onyx 2 or Pearl 2 for a long-distance relationship booster that’s straight from the future.
    • Avoid smelly toys and embarrassing moments by keeping yourself and your toy squeaky clean at all times. Stinky dicks are tricks, not treats.
    • Try your toy in different ways: manually, hands-free, and with a partner to find out which method makes you cum the hardest.

Just like there’s nothing wrong with a little bump and grind, there’s also nothing wrong with experimenting with the limits while jerking it with a high-end sex toy.

Today’s world is fully of well-made and high-tech creature comforts, and thankfully, those innovations have bled into the sex toy industry. Luckier still, the Fleshlight brand is on the forefront of that technological trend and it’s momentum is growing faster than your dick while watching porn.

The Famous Fleshlight: Did You Know?

Partially because the Fleshlight brand offers a huge array of products that are surprisingly affordable and competitively priced, they have now become more than a kinky household name. In certain social circles, the Fleshlight toy has become a collectible.

In fact, the Freaks lineup is one of the most sought-after collectibles among this demographic. The Fleshlight Girls Collection? They’re in a league of their own, with thousands of collectors gobbling up the vaginal variety as if it were priceless art.

For a sex toy brand that was conceptualized and started by a completely square cop, the creativity of the inventory is a new testament to the unsung heroes among us.

Making money off of manual masturbation and industry standard manufacturing isn’t a bad way to retire. Since the brand is made in the United States yet ships almost anywhere in the world, its popularity is bound to continue with its upward mobility.

Reviews Of The Top 10 Best Male Sex Toys In 2021 (See The List Below)

The future is now motherfuckers, so it’s time to hop aboard before the train leaves the station. We review top 10 best male sex toys in 2019 and give you coupon codesWhile some people are huddled in a dark basement crafting their own sex toys, you’ll be enjoying the best shit on the market because you’re not a crazy cheap ass.

Who’s the fool now, money saving perverts? Didn’t you know that the DIY crowd has never been welcome at the cool kids’ table?

Okay, so we’re being pretty hard on the do-it-yourselfers. Those toys can be kind of cool sometimes, but in all fairness that shit is pretty lame when compared to the high-tech gadgets being introduced to the 2021 market at lightning speed.

Forget cancer research or space exploration; apparently, some of the best minds in the world are working tirelessly to help men like us get the best nut we possibly can. And you thought futuristic science geeks weren’t sexy.

Now, we aren’t exactly saying that the fuck toys on this list are all “clinically tested for effectiveness” or that they have ever even seen the inside of a lab for that matter.

What we’re saying is simple: the mechanisms, materials, ergonomics, and overall design of the toys that follow are all backed by diligent studies that had the sole purpose of providing the penis with perfect playtime.

Now we wish we would have paid more attention in school.

Expertly made sex toys for men are hard to come by unless you do your homework, and we’re not big fans of that shit.

So, once we discover a dick pleaser that doesn’t disappoint, it quickly goes on the list. Most sex toys are a dime a dozen, but not these sons of bitches.

We’re not even kidding when we say that the following 10 toys are far superior to their DIY counterparts in erotic effectiveness, convenience, ease of care, and (of course) awesomeness.

Our Top 10 Best Male Sex Toys In 2021:

1.Autoblow A.I. (Our Best Male Sex Toy For 2021)

Everyone loves good head, which is why the inventors of the Autoblow A.I. have been working so hard to develop the world’s very first blowjob machine equipped with artificial intelligence and a patent-pending penis gripper that utilizes a texturized, interchangeable sleeve and a plug-in power system to run 10 different performance modes – one of which includes a setting that will keep changing its technique until the user either cums or shuts it down.

With a revolutionary ‘Edging’ function, users can now practice tantra or endurance training without losing their favorite setting in the process.

Furthermore, the masturbation chamber can pinpoint 250 different pleasure zones on the shaft of the penis, meaning each experience can be fully customized to the user’s unique preferences via the built-in control interface on the front of the machine.

Ideal for men who truly enjoy the sensations of oral sex, the AAI has revolutionized the way we think about blowjobs.

OUR RATING: It’s smart, durable, surprisingly lightweight, nearly silent, and extremely powerful. Need we say more? It is our best male sex toy for the year 2021.

BEST FEATURE: Artificial intelligence further enhances the tailor-made sensations inside the canal, but when combined with the Edging function this machine takes on a life of its own


2. Kiiroo Keon Male Sex Toy

If you are a self-proclaimed lazy fuck with a healthy sexual appetite, then the Kiiroo Keon should be right up your alley.

Its smooth and satisfying operating system requires hardly any energy on your part, aside from the inevitable post-nut cleanup routine.

But even that is made super simple by the combined minds behind its design – the famous Kiiroo sex toy brand.

These manufacturers have given the world of men a new option – taking masturbation where it’s never been before.

The manly machine is very compact and in charge for sure, but secrecy isn’t really a concern when the opportunity arises to use a high-tech piece of ass like this. Swap out your favorite fake vagina model in an instant to enjoy hours of pleasure with each charge.

OUR RATING: Not exactly discrete, but well worth the heat.

BEST FEATURE: Access to free online content such as sexy games, arousing videos, steamy webcam sessions, and experiences via Bluetooth.


3. Kiiroo Onyx Plus Male Sex Toy

The Kiiroo Onyx Plus is made by the same company responsible for the one-of-a-kind “The Keon,” which graced our list as number one (not on purpose, but still).

This Onyx Plus is a similarly fascinating toy in that it can be used by teams, couples, or solo artists, depending on who gets to it first. The lightweight design is what makes it most appealing, at least when compared to the heavy-duty toys lumbering around the market these days.

Convenient weight distribution is not the only thing the Onyx has going for it though. It serves as a hands-free device and is completely wireless.

On a single charge of the powerful battery, it can run for hours, and it hums like a dream with no excessive buzzing noise. Neat and discrete, this toy is highly rated because of its ability to stimulate long-distance relationships with the touch of a button – no apps required.

OUR RATING: By far not the most affordable toy on our list, but it’s well worth its lofty price tag because of its compatibility with other Kiiroo toys (namely another Onyx or the Kiiroo Pearl).

BEST FEATURE: Not only can the Onxy be hooked up to live video feeds and Oculus Rift, it grants owners access to famous porn star webcams and has numerous masturbatory modes for each person using it.



4. Fun Factory Manta

Never before seen on the market, the Manta is marketed as a men’s toy but it’s surprisingly fit for couples. Designed to offer superbly versatile pleasure, this bad boy is not only powerful but it’s also more compact than any other male masturbator in the industry.

And while it may have a curious appearance and take some getting used to, it can, when used properly, provide a unique sexual experience for all parties involved.

According to the name, the Manta’s primary feature is the powerful vibrations produced by its industrial-strength motor.

However, I think that’s probably the least impressive thing about this toy. In fact, I believe the device’s adaptability to its environment is mind-boggling to say the least.

OUR RATING: It’s sleek design is a beacon of its superb craftsmanship. One of the sturdiest toys we’ve ever reviewed, the Fun Factory Manta is well worth the investment.

BEST FEATURE: It has 6 different speeds and 6 varied vibration patterns, there are a dozen ways to cum like a champ.

5. AutoBlow 2 Male Sex Toy

Don’t get us started on how much we love a no-strings-attached blowjob. Add a variable cornucopia of internal sleeve textures with which to customize the experience and we are so on board we might as well go down with the ship.

Loyal fans of the AutoBlow 2, we are, and there are a lot of good reasons why.

This automatic robotic mouth is a mainstay on the modern market. It features two textured rings that slide up and down the shaft of your penis, gently producing a sucking sensation at the same time.

It requires absolutely no manual interaction whatsoever – for the laziest sexual gluttons among us. And best of all, it’s a reproduction of the original AutoBlow that was so fucking fantastic it sold out repeatedly.

Pack your mate’s bags, gentlemen. BJs just came without a gag reflex.

OUR RATING: Moderately priced for the quality, there is no need for batteries and the mechanism is super tough considering how much wear and tear it takes.

BEST FEATURE: The textured sleeves can be interchanged at will to suit your picky dick’s opinion.

6. Fleshlight STU

#4 best male sex toy on the market in 2019

Sturdy and effective, the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit certainly lives up to its name. The hyper-intense sleeve texture is responsible for raping your cock with every stroke, practically stealing your jizz in minutes regardless of your sexual prowess.

Made in the good ole U.S. of A., this popular sex toy takes an almost medical approach to improving your bedroom technique. It’s like having western medicine for your cock and balls, and that’s not a raw deal at all.

Now, the Fleshlight STU is not a hands-free model, so don’t get it twisted. You will have to put in some work to enjoy its potent practicality.

However, the sleeve’s superbly textured lining is designed to make your work day short and sweet. Knock one out of the park before the game starts and watch yourself become king of the ring.

We don’t suggest using this if you have heart problems though, because it will elevate your blood pressure (in the best way possible, of course).

OUR RATING: We don’t get into sex toys that don’t pull their own weight, so the Fleshlight STU had to bring the thunder to capture our attention. Promise a righteous nut and you better deliver. This thing did, and then some.

BEST FEATURE: The SuperSkin sleeve’s texture is unlike anything we’ve ever encountered – real scientific shit right there. We would have loved to be a part of the product testing team for sure.

7. Fun Factory Cobra Libre II

Last but certainly not least is the infamous Cobra Libre II, by far the best corona stimulation machine on the market. With or without a partner, this bad boy slithers and coils around the head of your penis like a snake, winding and grinding until it achieves success.

Virtually weightless, durably made, and completely wireless, this high-grade sex toy is one of the most popular products on the market today.

Ideal for couple’s play, solo acts, or group activities, the Cobra Libre II can be enjoyed for hours with a single charge of the high-power battery that lies inside its sci-fi-inspired casing.

Masculine and marvelous, this heavy hitter can either be used to get the party started or it can function as the party itself.

OUR RATING: Being as its one of the only sex toys to focus mainly on stimulating the head of the penis, we’re big fans of the Cobra Libre II.

BEST FEATURE: It has numerous speed and vibratory pattern functions which are designed to tantalize even the pickiest of dicks.

8. Fleshlight Turbo

After all these automatic dick suckers have had their turn, there are still the traditional masturbators that run on good old fashioned manual power – nothing wrong with that.

The Fleshlight brand is notorious for cranking out high-end cock swallowers, and the Turbo model is no exception. With a terrific weight distribution that decreases fatigue, this bad mamma-jamma is no joke.

It features the Fleshlight brand’s famous SuperSkin material as one would expect, only the sleeve of the Turbo is such that it damn near forces your balls to empty in a hurry (hence the name).

Great for stamina practice and sensual solo missions, the Turbo comes in two models, each with its own unique sleeve lining: The Thrust and the Ignition. Gentlemen, we think it’s time to start your engines.

OUR RATING: The solid manufacturing is one of the best things about the Fleshlight brand. We aren’t ashamed to say that this toy retains a permanent place in our “just in case” arsenal.

BEST FEATURE: The wizard-like weight distribution is probably the best part, considering some people are immediately turned off my manual masturbators because of their bulkiness.


9. The Fleshlight Ice

Like watching the action when the action is taking place? Yeah, we do too, which is why we just had to add the Fleshlight Ice to our top 10 sex toys list of 2021. Not only has this fuck wand sold millions of units so far, but it doesn’t look as though the world has had enough of it quite yet.

Still one of the most sought-after manual masturbators of all time, this voyeuristic love stick is a definitely sight for sore eyes.

Made out of that beloved SuperSkin material that Fleshlight fans have come to know and love, the clear plastic sleeve and casing make it an onlooker’s delight.

Short, stout, and to the point, this toy is remarkable in that it provides a seriously sensual stroke and a super easy clean-up. Open on the end for expert expulsion, you won’t miss a bet with the Fleshlight Ice.

OUR RATING: Certainly a show stopper, this manual masturbator is as unique as the sensations it delivers with every painstaking stroke.

BEST FEATURE: As one of the most lightweight and versatile toys to come out of the Fleshlight lineup, the Ice is cool, calm, collected, and a lot more discrete that it full-size counterparts.


10. SizeGenetics

This monstrosity made it onto the 2021 Best Male Sex Toys list only because of its unique power to complete change the way you have sex.

While it’s not a “toy” per say, it’s two-decade-long service to men has earned it this position.

As a well-made and highly effective penis enlargement tool, the SizeGenetics system uses state-of-the-art traction technology to elongate the game in several ways.

Manufacturers of the system brag that their creation can provide a 20-30% increase in penis size when used as directed.

Our team saw similar results and so much more. This unique product helped up improve our performance in the bedroom, thereby rendering some of our beloved sex toys useless.

While everyone’s experience is likely to vary, we can’t say this thing belongs anywhere else but in our top 10.

OUR RATING: Being as the SizeGenetics system can accommodate any size penis, we’re not quite sure why every man doesn’t receive one of them as a gift at their high school graduation.

BEST FEATURE: The ergonomics of this contraption are on point, meaning it can be worn for extended timespans without too much discomfort.




BONUS: Penomet Penis Pump

Like we said before, a good penis enlargement system can work wonders for the conscientious user’s bedroom prowess, rendering certain “training units” and “cock rings” damn near obsolete.

The Penomet is one of those systems – a rigorous regimen for your unwilling and unattractive cock, squaring anxious men away one pump at a time.

Sometimes used by dudes with peyronies disease, this quaint contraption collection is still comprised of medical-grade materials and designed with sexy scientific principals in mind.

Made using a number of heavy-duty polycarbonate plastics and high-grade silicone, this product earns every bit of its trusted reputation.

Best of all, it’s not as expensive as some might expect for such an effective and popular system. Available in various sizes – sort of like a step-up process for cocks – the Penomet is one of our favorite go-to penis enlargement systems for a good reason.

OUR RATING: Somewhat less high-tech than the SizeGenetics system, the Penomet is still a terrific choice for budget-conscious men or for guys who like to take a trendier (and more attractive) approach to dick enhancement.

BEST FEATURE: It comes with a lifetime warranty (as if you’re need it after all the well-appointed design decisions), not to mention it’s mighty comfortable to wear considering what it is.



Bonus Best Male Sex Toys For 2021:

You really didn’t believe we had only 10 best male sex toys to recommend, did you? This is 2021; get with the times. There are literally thousands of sex toys for men out there, so naming only 10 was kind of difficult.

Although the aforementioned list is comprised of our favorites, here are a few more tasty tidbits for that overzealous ass:


Fleshlight Girls

Ready to take this shit to a whole new level? The ever-popular Fleshlight brand has teamed up with the industry’s hottest porn stars to help you do just that.

Thanks to some good old-fashioned artistry and a little handy-dandy craftsmanship, the Fleshlight Girls lineup consists of various molded twat replicas of your favorite broads.

This shit is perfect to use alongside the brand’s exclusive video and audio content. And the unique sleeve texture is matched perfectly with the porn star’s unique pussy walls (each sold separately).

With this shit, you can easily fuck your face off in the comfort of your own home. Slip yours into the Fleshlight Launch and smash your pick of the litter in real-time.

OUR RATING: If you’re looking to add a little realism to your sexy time, this is the way to go. If not, you truly don’t know what you’re missing.

BEST FEATURE: The vaginal walls and labial opening on the Fleshlight Girls masturbators look and feel so realistic that we couldn’t help but wonder where the rest of her was.




More like a less high-end version of a Fleshlight manual masturbator, the FleshJack is still a terrific choice for men who want to spice things up in the bedroom (either with a partner or all alone).

Featuring a hyper-realistic flesh-like material and designed to look just as inconspicuous as its competition, this little number is a sound investment for those who want to play the field a bit.

There are no mechanically moved parts, no batteries, and no charging ports, but this thing is amazingly simple to clean and care for, not to mention super sexy despite its semi-popular nomenclature.

Originally introduced to the gay community, the FleshJack has now become a mainstay in hetero households across the world.

OUR RATING: It’s not a bad toy for the price, especially considering how similar it is to more expensive models when you close your eyes.

BEST FEATURE: The toy’s patented skin-like material is almost more appealing than SayberSkin and SuperSkin combined.




Lovense Max

Trying to bust a nut with your partner on the run? There’s an app for that. The Lovesense Max is a patent-pending blowjob machine that can be controlled with the touch of a button.

Complete with air vents for customized suction control, this tiny dancer is cute and compact (but don’t let that fool you). With a fully rechargeable battery and Bluetooth compatibility, remote romance is a potent possibility.

We don’t suggest using this son of a bitch by yourself; there are too many amazing features to keep it a secret.

Although your mate has to have their own LoveSense Max (or Nora) to enjoy the fruits of the toy’s labor, the price is such that it’s affordable for almost any budget. Your argument is invalid.

OUR RATING: We’re big fans of high-tech, remote-controlled, couples play. Nuff said.

BEST FEATURE: The Bluetooth connectivity is super strong when done correctly, and the battery life keeps things going hot and heavy for hours on end.



Back to homepage


OhMiBod Fuse – Brand New Vibrator For Ladies + a Special 10% Coupon Code For Our Readers!

Vibrators are a dime a dozen these days, so what makes one special and worth your money? Well, that question is certainly subjective but there are some basic features that almost every woman wants. A good vibe should be well-made, powerful, expertly shaped to a lady’s body, and (if possible) attractive. After all, beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but that doesn’t mean you don’t have standards.

Meanwhile, looks aren’t everything. Aside from being cute or having nice packaging, a high-end woman’s vibrator should also be durable and modern. Usually, this combination of features isn’t hard to find if you buy something from a leading manufacturer. However, even the biggest names in the sex toy industry have products with numerous design flaws. Thus, finding the right pussy pleaser can be difficult at times. Luckily, it doesn’t always have to stay that way when you closely observe and diligently study your choices.

For instance, the OhMiBod Fuse by the Kiiroo brand is one of those sex toys that seems to be getting a lot of attention these days. The reasons for its popularity are quite clear too. Although it may not look like much at first glance, a closer inspection of its features will likely change your mind. Designed and created by one of the best respected manufacturers in the biz, this marvel of modern machinery has all the bells and whistles that contemporary women want – style, power, ergonomics, and fuck-worthy functionality options that put the “O” back in “orgasm.”

What Is OhMiBod Fuse?

As one of the newest female vibrators to come out of the Kiiroo brand inventory, the OhMiBod Fuse is a sex toy designed specifically to tantalize the various nooks, crannies, and erogenous zones of the female body. While it can be used any way you see fit, the manufacturer has designed it to help women explore the farthest reaches of their orgasmic potential. In fact, this thing is hailed as the very first interactive dual stimulation vibrator on the market. So, what does that even mean? I’m glad you asked.

The excitement of control is unmatched, but the typical dildo or vibrator can only take adventurous people so far. Whether you’re fooling around by yourself or with a partner, being able to control their sensations or giving them control over yours can increase pleasure by a considerable margin. You know what they say: the element of surprise heightens your senses by piquing your nerve endings and making it impossible to predict what’s coming next. Even without all the other features that this toy offers, its ability to provide a swift and sexy surprise is more than enough to make it an impressive feat of technology.

The maker of the OhMiBod Fuse – the well-known Kiiroo brand – has created a full lineup of compatible sex toys that are designed specifically for self-pleasure and/or partner-induced intrigue. In fact, this particular toy can be used with the brand’s Onyx or Pearl, not to mention it’s compatible with the famous Fleshlight brand’s high-tech Launch device. Put simply, the OhMiBod Fuse seems to be designed for the express purposes of making sex fun again using technology, engineering, and outright unapologetic perversion.


OhMiBod Fuse Review: The Main Features

Using industry standard expertise and scientifically inspired ergonomics, the OhMiBod Fuse offers a pretty amazing feature known as Touch-Sensitive Technology – a fancy way of describing the toy’s ability to respond instantly when it touches your body. What’s more is that this fine feature does more than simply activate when it comes in contact with your skin. It actually increases in intensity the deeper inside you (or your partner) it goes. So, in other words, it creates a wave of sensations that not only tickle your vaginal canal but also hunt down and attack your G-spot like a pro.

And remember how I said that this toy is great for control with or without a partner? Well, let’s talk about that for a moment, shall we? So, the OhMiBod Fuse allows you to sit in the driver’s seat remotely using Bluetooth and VR compatibility, giving you first-hand control of you or your partner’s sensations with the touch of a button. Everybody loves mutual masturbation and this toy makes it easy. The features can even be synchronized so you both have the same experience in real time. Oh, what a time to be alive.

The Fuse features a dual-stim massager that uses two-way communication to create a memorable experience (and that’s putting it lightly). Powered by Bluetooth and using a built-in sensor, this toy gives bi-directional control to you and your partner through each connected and compatible device. Can anyone say, “dueling dildos?” Either one of you will be able to control the action, and that’s only where the fun begins.

In fact, this toy features a lot more that, if not mentioned, would be a crime. For one, there is no distance limit which means you can enjoy the adventure no matter where in the world you are. Have this high-tech experience with a long-distance partner as long as you have no connectivity issues (internet and Bluetooth required, of course). Furthermore, this sexy machine has a convenient LED light to help draw attention to the fun zone (or at the very least, help you and your partner see what’s going on). Visual feedback is what’s up, I don’t care who you are.

What Comes in the Box?

Although the OhMiBod Fuse is compatible with the Kiiroo Onyx and Pearl as well as the Fleshlight Launch, each of those toys needs to be purchased separately. Regardless, the Fuse is powerful and pleasurable enough to suffice as a stand-alone product (although I don’t recommend it simply because of all the fun features you’ll miss). Either way, the world-renown Kiiroo brand has included everything you and your partner need to start the pants party immediately.

Inside the relatively attractive packaging you’ll find the following items:

  • The Kiiroo OhMiBod Fuse
  • A standard USB charging cord
  • A satin, drawstring storage pouch
  • An instruction manual

Unfortunately, you won’t find much else inside the box – no charging dock, no durable protection box, no frills. There aren’t any lubricant or toy cleaner samples either, although both of those things are highly recommended and sold by the Kiiroo company at a decent price. I’d suggest springing for a little bit of both just to protect the integrity of your vag and your investment, but that’s doesn’t mean you have to get them from the manufacturing company. Any high-quality water-based lube you like will do (probably), and the skin-safe, medical-grade silicone material with which the toy is made means it’s super easy to clean with a quick rinse through some warm water.

NOTE: Since this toy is fully rechargeable and doesn’t require commercial batteries, your supply list to get started is relatively short once you cover the basics: a good water-based lube, an internet/Bluetooth connection, and a healthy sexual appetite.

How It Feels

If I haven’t done a good job at describing how this toy feels, I apologize. It’s just that explaining the sensations created by a high-tech wave generating, remote controlled sex machine is kind of difficult. Luckily for me, however, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

For starters, the extra silky silicone material used on the shaft glides into your vagina perfectly without any drag or friction (especially if you use plenty of lubrication). Secondly, the dual stimulation capability massages your vaginal walls and clitoris at the same time. If you know the first thing about masturbation, then you know how double timing your kitten is the end-all-be-all of pleasure. Whoever is responsible for designing the OhMiBod Fuse deserves a Nobel Prize for real.

I should also mention the fact that this toy is created with carefully considered ergonomics. The positioning of the touch sensitive buttons in relation to the shaft and clitoral stimulator is on point to put it lightly. Your natural grip actually encourages the toy’s unique shape, making it work smarter so you don’t have to work harder. The thrust flows seamlessly with your body movements because of the shape and size of the toy and, surprisingly, does the same no matter who’s hand it’s in.

When used by a partner to create the element of surprise, things get a lot more interesting. By that I mean they get to manipulate your body when utilizing the various vibe functions and speeds controlled through the sleek and sexy buttons on the side of the shaft. Although the Fuse isn’t compatible with a harness of any kind, it does play well with the Fleshlight Launch, remember? And if you hook it up to that bad boy there will be no words to describe the sensation you’ll feel, so don’t even ask.

The Cheers and Jeers

While I have been singing the praises of the Kiiroo OhMiBod Fuse, I must admit that there are a few things I would change about the toy’s overall design if I were in charge. After all, nothing on today’s market is perfect, not even a high-tech sex toy created for the sole purpose of making a woman cum. As odd as that sounds, the truth must take precedence over my personal opinion which is, interestingly, in favor of this well-made machine.

Let’s start by looking at the things I appreciated (a.k.a. the things I think you’ll like too):


  • Go Go Gadget – This impressive device has numerous settings that allow you to customize your playtime quickly and easily.
  • Power Abounds – The intensity range on this toy is remarkable to say the least; and with a wave-like function that increases the deeper you thrust it, it’s difficult not to feel its power.
  • Position Yourself – The ergonomic control position is perfect for any hand and is even friendly to those with mobility issues because of the toy’s ability to be controlled by someone else.
  • Long-Distance Lovins – Since there is no distance limit for the remote capability, it’s possible to have a rip-roaring good time without someone on the other side of the world.
    • Just be sure you both have an adequate Internet and Bluetooth connection
  • Accessorize Your Sex – The Fuse can be linked up with the brand’s Onyx and Pearl devices. It also works perfectly with the Fleshlight Launch machine for some seriously compelling couple’s play.
  • Size Matters – The length and girth the Fuse is ideal for nearly any body.
  • Virtually Real – This amazing thing can be used with VR goggles and the brand’s online porn content. Need I say more?
  • In Charge – The battery is rechargeable via USB cable and typically takes about 2 hours after the first use.
  • Two for One – Fuse’s dual-stim design allows you to massage yourself internally and externally.
  • Cake Walk – Thanks to the hypoallergenic materials and splash-proof design, this toy is super easy to clean and maintain (if you follow the included care instructions, that is).


Now that we’ve covered the finer points of the Fuse, let’s break it down and consider the things that could use a little improvement:

  • Battery Boost Please – The life of this toy’s fully charged battery isn’t worth writing home about, but then again, it’s running numerous high-tech functions at once.
    • Keep it plugged in between uses for maximum battery life.
  • Time Is of the Essence – The first charge takes a few hours, so plan accordingly to save yourself some frustration.
  • Dive Deep – To experience the vibe intensity increase you must insert this thing rather deep into your vagina, and the same can be said about enjoying the clitoral massager.
    • Troubleshooting: Flip the toy over and massage your clit without insertion.
  • Is This Thing On? – There may be some technical difficulties if your internet connection is weak or faulty.
    • Check your connection before getting started to save face.





The Final Verdict

Overall, the Kiiroo OhMiBod Fuse is an impressive device that offers its users plenty of room to grow. The fact that it can be used over long distances or connected to various other toys and VR goggles makes it even cooler. Although it’s not the perfect product (because those products don’t exist), it’s certainly worth the investment if you’re looking for something durable, powerful, attractive, and exciting. You can find more information or buy OhMiBod Fuse at Kiiroo’s official website.

Clone A Willy Penis Molding Kit – Is This The Best Do It Yourself Sex Toy For Women?

Tired of hearing your man complain every time you use a dildo, whining because he feels like you’re cheating on him with a big, plastic dick? You can bet that nearly every sex-crazed female on the planet feels the same way. However, women get in the mood at different times than their male counterparts, and someone (or something) has to handle business. Luckily, there are plenty of perverted innovators in the world to suffice for this relatively unspoken need.

Clone A Willy Homemade Penis Mold Kit

The solution to the problem: a little thing called a Clone-A-Willy, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Developed by a company based out of Portland, Oregon – a well-known American city known for it’s less-than-average population, Clone-A-Willy toys are unique, customizable, high-quality sex toys that can be made in the comfort of your own home. Even better is the fact that your man-friend won’t be able to say a word when he catches you using it because it’s molded after the shape of his own cock.

The Clone-A-Willy may seem like a new invention to most women, but the company has actually been around since way back in 1997 when the film industry needed penis replicas of varied shapes and sizes for an upcoming movie. Since then, these fabulously freaky fuck wands have been featured on TV shows and major motion pictures like “Neighbors” starring Seth Rogan. It’s becoming apparent that the ladies love these things, so you need to know what’s going on before you get accused of living under a rock.

Moving way past movie props and gag gifts, these things are now mainstream because women have discovered that they’re not only usable but also 100% safe (and effective, if you know what I mean). Comprised of body-safe, skin-like materials that are commonly used for medical and/or prosthetic purposes, the Clone-A-Willy is just what the doctor ordered, literally. So, for all you Pinterest-loving, DIYers out there, listen up.

The 411 on the Clone-A-Willy

Since Empire Labs’ inception, this ubiquitous sex toy has inspired an entire lineup of products centered on the idea that women deserve pleasure too. For too long, men have had all the fun – pocket pussies, fake vaginas molded after famous porn stars, lifelike sex dolls, you name it. The time has come for the ladies to start being recognized as equally perverted people.

BONUS: You can get mad at your man all you want and never have to go without that good D ever again.

Now, some women might assume that making a realistic cast of her man’s junk is a difficult and complicated process, but the makers of the Clone-A-Willy have apparently thought of everything. The once expensive procedure is now easier than ever, requiring little more than a few supplies, 24 hours of patience, and a willing model. If you’re real concerned about your man feeling left out, the company also has a Clone-A-Pussy lineup for the fellas, but nobody wants to talk about that right now.



The superiority of the Clone-A-Willy toy to the traditional dildo is apparent. The originality and functionality of it is obvious because, honestly, where else can you get a homemade dick stick without shamefully traipsing through an adult toy store? Each of the penis casting kits comes with everything needed to make a life-size replica of your favorite family jewels, and best of all it doesn’t hurt your man in any way (unless he has a ton of pubic hair, then he should probably shave that shit before applying the molding material to avoid a painful, involuntary bikini wax).

Furthermore, the end result is crazy detailed – veins, pores, hair follicles, everything. No wonder they’re the most popular option for women (and men) who are looking for realistic genital molds that don’t cost an arm and a leg. No previous casting experience is necessary either. Each kit comes with a set of full instructions as well as a few tips and tricks for the overachievers out there. The process is relatively quick and can be a lot of fun if you do it right.

What Comes in the Clone A Willy Kit?

The cloning kit contains a complete set of materials and tools needed for the job, including the following items:

  • Body-safe silicone
  • A bag of algae-based molding powder
  • A molding tube
  • An insertable vibrator (not even kidding)
  • A set of instructions

Interestingly, the Clone-A-Willy kit comes in various colors based on the skin tone you’re replicating, so shit can get real with a quickness. If you’re more of an adventurous spirit, however, the company also offers neon and glow-in-the-dark colors as well. NOTE: You don’t have to use the vibrator if that’s not your cup of tea, but if you do then you might think about buying a refill package to ensure you have enough material to offset the displacement.

Designed to help you create an exact vibrating silicone replica of any penis, the people at Clone-A-Willy have made every effort to keep it fun and safe. Personalized cock casting has never been more enjoyable or risk-free, with materials that are medically tested and packaged in air-tight containers. And for ladies who are worried about domestic economics, the entire shebang is made and assembled right here in the good ole U.S. of A.

Clone A Willy Accessories and Extras

The fun doesn’t stop with a simple cock clone either. Empire Labs has developed a variety of perverted products that take curiosity and creativity to a whole new level. Take their cock rings for example. Each one is varied in size, customizable, stretchy, and flexible enough to fit the mold no matter what size it ends up being. They come in several colors too, so coordinating it with your mold is a no-brainer.

The brand even has a penis pump as well, designed to help your man achieve a rock-hard erection before showtime. And even if he doesn’t use it for that, it’s fun to pump up the volume and recast later to track growth. Men love to brag about their dicks anyway but having life-sized replicas to compare is some next level shit.

Clone-A-Willy kits aren’t limited to only the shaft of the penis either. The company offers “Plus Balls” kits for that extra kick of realness. With everything being made from 100% platinum cured materials, you can wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am yourself into oblivion with or with your man being present and never have to worry about getting a nasty rash. If you want to mix things up a bit and make several molds with the same tube, simply buy a refill package, and go to town.

There are even some accessories that most women wouldn’t even think of as necessary, but they so are. From massage oils and playtime lip gloss to warming lubes and specially formulated toy cleaner, the brand’s website is like the Walmart of sex toys – a real one-stop-shop for your debauchery to-do list. What you won’t find, however, are ridiculously high prices. This brand seriously has its hand on the pulse of modern economics, with a cost-to-value ratio that deserves attention.

Look at their inventory and notice that you can get everything you need for under a hundred bucks, a price that’s much less than most dildos on the market today. They even have t-shirts, fanny packs, koozies, stickers, and temporary tattoos to browse. So, if you’re feeling like a fanatic after molding your man, you can shamelessly let the cat out of the bag with some sweet merch. Those items also make terrific gifts for your gal pals who haven’t yet discovered this miracle of modern technology like you.

Cocky Considerations

Getting the right mold of your man’s junk is designed to be a super easy process with these kits, but that doesn’t mean the process requires no skill or finesse. Thankfully, the included instructions are well-written and concise, not to mention available in numerous languages. There are even provisions for dudes with curved penises, so you know the shit is intended for everybody.

At first glance, the inclusion of algae-based molding powder might be a turn off for some folks. However, the material is both gentle on the skin and easy to clean up after the molding procedure is finished. Derived from organic seaweed, it actually makes the dick softer afterwards. So, if your man is concerned about cock exfoliation and moisturization, let him know that the brand has him covered. The same goes for the ladies with the Clone-A-Pussy kits, so it’s smooth sailing for anyone who uses it.

The manufacturer recommends following the directions to the letter for best results, but that’s pretty much the case with any product on the modern market. With this shit, however, cutting corners is certainly a mistake and patience is definitely a virtue. The molds take no less than 24 hours to set up properly, so don’t get in too much of a rush. Furthermore, it’s important to let the cast sit in a cool, dry area to help it form up nicely. Hot or humid environments won’t help the cause one bit, so prepare a comfy and discrete spot ahead of time for the mold to do it’s thing.

Making (Not Breaking) the Mold

Keep in mind that the tube included in the kit is made to suffice for all sizes of penises, with dimensions totaling 11 inches by 2 ½ inches – plenty of room for nearly any man who’s not crossbred with a horse. However, that means you’ll have to do a few quick measurements before pouring the molding material inside, which of course should be done slowly to prevent unsightly and unrealistic air bubbles. As expected, the back of the instruction leaflet features a mixing, pouring, and measuring guide to help you and your man determine how to get the best result and where to cut the tube.

The whole thing is well-designed and high-end, especially considering the decent price tag attached. Even the tools in the kit are hypoallergenic, with everything made from materials that are free from potentially harmful contaminants like phthalates, latex, or other toxins. The final product is this fully self-contained, spongy, flexible, realistic-looking mold of your number one member – balls and all (if you so choose).

The mold is easy to get out of the tube as well, at least for the most part. There may be some slight tugging required to bust it loose, just be careful not to tear the material when you do it. The manufacturer also recommended gently adjusting the penis while it’s in the mold to ensure it’s not touching the sides of tube. Any contact will leave thin or transparent spots once the material is done setting up, and nobody wants to deal with that shit.

It’s important to note, though, that dicks measuring 9 inches or longer might require some extra materials for best results. Cocks with serious girth may also require the extra-large 7-inch vibrator, but don’t worry. The brand offers those as well, and they don’t cost much more than the standard 5 ¼-inch version. Put simply, size always matters, but Empire Labs has made it a little less important.

Also keep in mind that the size of the vibrator you use will determine how much of the powder you’ll need. At the same time, casting a cock without inserting a vibrator will reduce the amount of supplies required. So, the choice is ultimately up to you. Luckily, the toy’s designer took extra volume into consideration when packaging the 8-ounce bag of molding material, so chances are you won’t need anything more than what’s already included in the kit.

Me So Horny

Your man doesn’t have to wait for his dick to go soft before ejecting it from the tube either. Using basically the same stuff that dentists use to make molds of teeth, the material sets up quickly and doesn’t stick to the skin whatsoever. In fact, it won’t stain clothes, furniture, or carpeting if it gets spilled. However, once the color is added, that might be a different story.

To add a skin-like, neon, or glow-in-the-dark color to your mold, first mix it with the clear base before pouring into the tube.

Try to do this over non-carpeted flooring while wearing clothes that you don’t mind fucking up. This is as complicated as the process gets, and it’s not even that bad. Furthermore, it’s best to add the color to the powder ahead of time so you don’t run the risk of making your man wait around too long while trying to keep his dick erect. Remember that the brand also sells cock rings, so use those bad boys to your advantage. Slap one around the base of his junk to keep him standing at attention while you handle your business.

He’ll need to stay erect for at least 60-90 seconds while his family jewels are locked up in the mold, so kiss his neck or some shit. If he goes soft or you mess something up, a whole new kit is not necessary. Simply purchase another bag of molding powder and try the shit again. If you do it right, you’ll have a non-porous, completely washable penis replica to sit down on within 24 hours. Best of all, the thing won’t shrink over time no matter how many times you use it or how bad you abuse it.

In fact, the makers of the Clone-A-Willy seem to think that their product will outlast you if it’s maintained properly. Using a good water-based lube is always important and cleaning up after yourself helps as well. While a warm soap and water mixture will do the trick, it’s probably best to spring for the brand’s patented cleaning solution just in case.

Safety First

For dudes with penis piercings and other unique cock characteristics, using the Clone-A-Willy isn’t a problem. They do suggest taking out any jewelry though, and that’s for obvious reasons. Uncircumcised dicks are welcome too. Regardless of what your man is packing, the kit will render a realistic replica every time. If done correctly, then what you put in will be exactly what you pull out.

As for dudes with tons of pubic hair, simply adding a little bit of petroleum jelly should prevent pulling, tugging, or impromptu wax jobs. He could also do a little manscaping if you can talk him into it, but either way is fine. Be prepared for those hair follicles to present themselves in the final product though. So, if he’s built like a bear, you’ll be fucking like an animal when all is said and done.

Regardless of how you do this or where it all takes place, cleaning up isn’t as big of a nightmare as you think. The material turns into a gel once it dries, so it’s easy to wipe it off from any nonporous surface. If you happen to spill a little on the carpet or a rug, don’t lose your mind. Just re-saturate the material with plain water and snatch the gel out by hand. It washes off of skin quickly and don’t leave a nasty film behind either.

Getting the Goods

Copping your cloning kit is made super easy by the manufacturing company who apparently knows the value of discretion. Each kit is shipped in a plain box marked only with the return address. This is strictly for return purposes only, as there is absolutely no indication of what lies inside the package.

 Delivery time usually takes between 1 to 3 business days, so the entire process could be completed over the weekend if you place your order on time. Credit card and bank statements as kept discrete as well, with only the name of the company showing up on the receipt.





The Final Verdict

Gone are the days of the men having all the fun. Clone-A-Willy and Clone-A-Pussy molding kits are gaining popularity faster than sex itself. If things keep going this way, the wonderful world of traditional dildos will have its work cut out for it – clamoring to cut off the competition like a loser in a fixed race. With so many possibilities and so much room for customization, who’s to say that women can’t make more than one mold? What her man doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?

This toy brings a whole new meaning to “Go fuck yourself.” It allows ladies to have as much fun as they desire without forcing them to use oddly-shaped, ill-equipped dildos that leave their men bitching, wondering, and feeling bad about themselves. Possibly considered the most revolutionary, at-home, DIY couple’s aid since the invention of the fifi, Clone-A-Willy toys are breaking the mold in all the right ways and putting the “master” back into “masturbation.”

Autoblow 2 Review: – The Top Electric & Automatic Handjob Machine?

As bad as I want to, I honestly can’t talk a bunch of shit about the AutoBlow 2 like I do some of the other toys I review. This behemoth toy is a self-driven blowjob machine with some seriously sexy features. If you haven’t yet heard of this son of a bitch, then you’ve been living under a rock and it’s about time for an eviction into the modern era.

Playing with your balls is (and always has been) a good time, but doing it by hand is sooo 1999. And while there are a ton of amazing manual masturbators on the market these days, automatic devices like the AutoBlow2 are changing the game at record speed.

Now, I won’t sit here and auto-blow smoke up your ass. This dick stick is by far not the best thing in the industry. It has some righteous competition and things are getting pretty heated between the mighty manufacturers who make the world’s most famous shit.

However, the modest price tag combined with its strength, durability, and effectiveness make the AutoBlow 2 worthy of this in-depth review. After all, it gives me an excuse to use it at my leisure and then brag about it to all you blue-balled losers.

Although it’s also not the most expensive or high-tech machine out there, it certainly works hard to accomplish what the designers had in mind when they created it – to make you jizz your fucking face off without so much as lifting a finger.

As a major contender in the International O-Face Olympics, this beautifully made bastard is churned out by a trusted brand and is designed to yank and crank until the job is done. Have I got your attention yet?

What Is the AutoBlow 2 Handjob Machine?

Not exactly the most attractive sex toy in the industry, it is, however, one of the most robust and ergonomically designed. What it lacks in appearance it more than makes up for in performance.

It has a somewhat retro presence but it’s also ultra-modern as well. With an extremely tough outer casing, the AutoBlow 2 almost looks and feels like an industrial-strength device. I don’t know about you, but that’s what the fuck I like best.

Not as sleek or fancy as some of its contenders, the AutoBlow resembles an ugly ass thermos on the outside but is a sexy motherfucker on the inside.

First of all, the textured sleeve inside the case is remarkable – soft, realistic, tantalizing, everything you’d want in a sex toy. What’s more, there are a total of 3 different sleeves that come standard with the toy and they’re all interchangeable, although sold separately.

You don’t have to be a math genius to see that there are plenty of options here if you’ve got the money.

Furthermore, this hefty throwback-like toy has a shit ton of features that are each designed to help the user customize his experience. While those features aren’t quite as high-tech as, say, the Kiiroo Keon or even the Kiiroo Onyx Plus, the AutoBlow 2 has catapulted itself into a league of its own. Not exactly suitable for long-distance sex or couple’s play, it is, however, perfect for solo acts that mean business.



The Basic Features Of Autoblow 2 Handjob Machine

Do you remember when I said that this toy comes with 3 different sleeves? Well, I might have forgotten to mention that each sleeve is not only uniquely textured but that it’s also individually sized.

Ideal for men of various lengths and girths, the AutoBlow 2 features something that it’s competition does not – extremely broad size versatility, industrial-strength durability, and surprisingly high-powered mechanics.

If I’m getting a bit too scientific for you, I apologize. It’s just that this toy inspires me to get technical like this because it reminds me of a no frills machine that was designed for the sole purpose of getting the job done, not impressing spectators like masturbation were a sport.

If, in fact, beating your meat could be considered a sport, I, for one, would use the AutoBlow 2 as my go-to equipment. Simply put: it’s not for showboating; it’s for load blowing.

Each sleeve is designed to feature an anatomically correct orifice around the opening. And while the orifice isn’t perfectly precise, it does a lot for visual stimulation either way. B

ut since the visuals will most likely be the last thing you’re thinking about while using the AutoBlow (especially when you crank it up to full speed), I figured it was important to note the efficacy of the various speed and function settings while I’m at it. You’re welcome, assholes.

A Fashionably Functional Hanjob Machine Overview

When reviewing the many functions on the AutoBlow 2, I came to realize that while there are more than enough to create a memorable experience, all the functions are still very easy to manipulate.

This was even the case during my most hot and heavy sessions with the toy on full blast. Depending on the sleeve you choose to use during your play time, the sensation options are virtually endless.

Moreover, the material used on the sleeves is surprisingly lifelike, albeit not as realistic as the Fleshlight brand’s SuperSkin. The AutoBlow 2 material has a somewhat chalky texture as opposed to a silky one, but that’s easily remedied with the use of some good old-fashioned water-based lubricant. In any event, you should already have some of that shit laying around anyway.

If not, the manufacturers of this toy throw in a small sample packet to help you get started. Isn’t that nice of them?


One thing I did notice about this toy that made it completely different from most of the other toys I’ve tried is its use of an electrical outlet. Yes, the AutoBlow 2 plugs into the wall like a throwback telephone.

However, I like to take a look at the bright side while taking a walk on the wild side. A plug in means it requires absolutely no batteries or charging, and that means you can get down to business lickety-split and stay pumping away until your dick skin peels off (if you’re into that kind of thing).

NOTE: Keep in mind that the plug on the AutoBlow 2 unit is not compatible with certain outlets, so it’s important to double check on that before you spend any money.

Vital to remember as well, this toy is by no means small or discrete. It’s large and in charge, but then again, it will probably fit into most average-sized luggage while traveling.

The size of the device is likely due to its impressive power, giving it the ability to be used hands-free when manual masturbation becomes tiring.

The power, which generates momentum for the gears that push and pull the many pleasure rings inside the case, is derived from the expertly designed motor.

I’m not bullshitting when I say that the AutoBlow 2 has a motor on it that will kick your ass. It’s guaranteed to last for at least 1,000 hours (even if continually).

Although I couldn’t go for 1,000 hours straight (because that’s 42 motherfucking days and I’m not a goddamn machine), I will say this: the hours I did spend using this toy were consistent and convenient to put it mildly.

In other words, the mechanism never lost any of its power, and the sensations only began to wane in effectiveness after my balls went numb.

Tips to Mimic My Erotic Experience

Ok, so I’m not truly a professional because I hold no actual degree, but when it comes to sex toys, I might as well be an expert. In that case, I figured I might as well give you guys some pointers to help you use your AutoBlow 2 to its fullest potential.

While some of my advice is relatively simple or obvious, some are complicated and only understood after years of masturbatory experience.

Additionally, not every man on the planet is familiar with the general operating procedures of sex toys, much less automatic blowjob robots.

Indeed, there’s a little finesse required when using shit like this for the first time, but that’s what I’m here for. So, prior to using your new AutoBlow, be sure you’re doing it right or you’ll be left with a bad impression.

And don’t wait for the manufacturer’s instructions to chaperone you through the process. They will only help you turn the machine on and off or adjust the various settings.

The only way you’re going to get the kind of experience I did is to follow these simple guidelines:

  • Place the sleeve of your choice into the case before turning it on because it’s a pain in the ass the other way around.
  • Sleeve sizes are as follows, so pick the one that best suits your dick:
    • SIZE A – 3-4 inches
    • SIZE B – 4-5 ½ inches
    • SIZE C – 5 ½ – 6 ½ inches
  • Slap on some of your favorite water-based lube before cramming your junk inside. You’ll avoid rug burn and chaffing that way; trust me.
  • Begin your session with the toy on low speed or else you’ll rip yourself off and will lose a great climax.
  • Use the highest speed setting function during the middle of your session for the most intense sensations during pre-orgasm.
  • Turn it to the humble yet powerful medium speed setting function for a rock-solid finish.
  • Be sure to clean off your toy thoroughly using warm water and a mild soap after each use to prevent bacteria growth, infection transfer, and general toy breakdown.
  • Never wash your toy while it’s plugged into the wall or else you will get shocked by more than this toy’s effectiveness.

Although I’m fully aware that each man is different when it comes to this kind of shit, I also know that general rules apply to us all. Feel free to play with your speed settings and other functions.

I’m not your boss and these are only suggestions (minus the one about not cleaning the toy while it’s plugged into the wall; I’m serious about that).

Autoblow 2 Handjob Device: The Good and the Bad

Singing the praises of the AutoBlow 2 is not difficult, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. Yes, I found some fault in the overall design and I plan to share them with you now. I don’t give a damn who I piss off either.

To soften the blow, I’m going to outline the good things before I fuck shit up with my list of complaints. Although everyone can appreciate a happy ending, this shit is not a fairytale.

If you buy one of these, you’ll be paying a pretty penny. I don’t know about you, but playing with my money is like playing with my emotions. I’m not here to please; I’m here to inform.

The Good

  • It features a robust motor.
  • It requires no batteries or a charger of any kind.
  • The ergonomic design of the outer casing makes is very easy to handle.
  • It can be used manually or with the hands-free option.
  • The various settings can be adjusted with ease.
  • With multiple sleeve options that vary in size, it’s easily customizable for the average Joe.
  • The sleeve comes out of the case with extreme ease, even after being pounded for hours.
  • The entire contraption is easy to clean.
  • Toy maintenance is a snap as well, with no need for special cleaners or renewal powders.

The Bad

  • It can only accommodate small to medium-sized dicks, and that can be a bad thing if your shit is longer than 6 inches.
  • The “high” speed setting is almost too intense, even for a seasoned vet like myself.
  • The lack of batteries or a portable charger make this toy very inconvenient when travelling, especially abroad.
  • It is just a tad bit too heavy for manual masturbation for some men.
  • The case design, albeit ergonomically correct, would be better if it were adjustable for individual grips.

Now, it’s obvious that the makers of the AutoBlow 2 haven’t thought of everything. Not only is the toy not compatible with any kind of Bluetooth or VR device, it’s also not made for couples and it doesn’t come with a carrying case despite the fact that it’s rather cumbersome.

However, it’s still a rock-solid machine with lots to offer, especially if you know how to use it properly.

The Indifferent

My final verdict is not created to please the makers of the AutoBlow 2, nor am I trying to sell units to you horny fucks reading this. I’m indifferent about the success of this manufacturer, the popularity of their products, or your opinion on my perspective.

The main concern here is telling the truth about a toy that hundreds of thousands of people are being talked into buying because of the company’s clever slogan, “The AutoBlow 2 is like the original massage chair for your penis.” Not a bad way to put it, boys.

Overall, I have to say that this toy is a remarkable contender in a world filled with high-tech products with dozens of bells and whistles. Without such well-appointed accoutrements, it’s very interesting to see how prevalent the AutoBlow 2 has become in the industry.

Apparently, this thing is holding its own in a big way.

Interestingly, the laid-back manufacturer recently produced a see-through AutoBlow 2 VIP model (reminiscent of the Fleshlight Ice), which is designed for all the avid voyeurs out there.

And since the VIP is self-driven and powered by a motor instead of a battery, it blows the Fleshlight version clear out of the water (no pun intended). With a price tag that’s comparable to the lower-end toys on today’s market, I feel as though the makers are some serious charitable people.



My Judgment Call On The Autoblow 2 Handjob Machine

I suppose you’d like me to wrap this shit up and give you the lowdown on how I really feel about the AutoBlow 2. With far more PROS than CONS and a reputation that precedes it, this toy is likely to become one of the industry’s most beloved standards.

Although it’s not very discrete, nor is it hot looking, I’ve come to realize that a lot of the best shit in life is disguised the same way.

If I had to give this shit some sort of rating to help quantify my feelings for it, I would probably do a piss-poor job at it. I usually go with the standard 1 through 10-style scale but the AutoBlow 2 is, as I said, in a league of its own.

With that being said, I think I’ll use a simple 1 through 5-style scale to keep things simple for that ass. Again, you’re welcome.

So, without further ado, I give you my humble opinion of the AutoBlow 2 (and the AutoBlow 2 VIP), as they compare to other automatic blowjob machines without a ton of bells and whistles like Bluetooth and VR content.

On a scale of 1 to 5, this shit gets a solid 4. I won’t lie; I’d like to see what else the designers come up with that can make the famous Fleshlight brand shake in its high-priced boots.

You can find out more information or buy autoblow 2 at their official website.

Sizegenetics Penis Enlargement System – Does It Work?

In a world ravaged by pestilence, famine, and war, the size of a man’s penis still seems to raise more concern. These days, tiny dicks get no love. As a result, literally hundreds of so-called miracle working penis enlargement devices have been developed. But, as any idiot could surmise, they call can’t be as amazing as they claim. I sought out to make some sense of the mess.

Almost every single penis pump, enlargement cream, or wonder pill I came across promised the same thing. They were all “scientifically formulated” or “fast-acting” or even “guaranteed.” However, my experience was something entirely different most of the time. I found myself overworked, underwhelmed, and beside myself with anger and resentment because I fell for the bullshit. Luckily, I eventually realized that it doesn’t have to stay that way.

After all, the manufacturers of these cock suckers can’t keep selling their products if they don’t work, right? Wrong. It turns out that all a penis enlargement product needs to accomplish is a miniscule amount of growth, and by “miniscule” I mean “not even goddamn noticeable.” In fact, many of the industry’s most popular dick-thickeners aren’t even FDA approved, nor do they have many good reviews. It’s time for the madness to end.

I, for one, am a cock connoisseur. I can tell a good one from a mile away, but that doesn’t mean size and girth aren’t an issue. I understand the immense pressure modern men are under to have massive dongs and unstoppable stamina. These hoes want fucked by King Kong, I reckon. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. So, even if you have a relatively decent shlong, it’s probably still a good idea to push the envelope on this one. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.

In your search for some fine-fangled fuckery, you’ll likely have the same luck as me – sifting through dozens of products before either settling on something that’s not a 100% piece of shit or giving up completely. Luckily, I stumbled across SizeGenetics before all hope was lost. And while it’s not the perfect penis pump, it’s a whole hell of a lot more promising than anything else I’ve tried so far.

What Is SizeGenetics?

This masterpiece of penis piquing was originally introduced to the public back in 1996. Since then, the manufacturer has undergone extensive research in the field of sexual health and performance improvement. Supposedly, their findings led to numerous product improvements, leading to the now uber-popular penis extender that’s become the inspiration for this review.

Classified as a medical device, the SizeGenetics penis enlargement system uses a proven traction technique to noticeably increase the length and girth of your shaft. Used over a fixed period of time, this Class 1 apparatus is marketed as not only completely safe but also highly effective. It’s made from medical-grade materials and features medical-grade hardware. So basically, it’s just what the doctor ordered (without him or her actually prescribing anything).


This expertly crafted cock rocket is supposed to do more than just make the family jewels more robust. The manufacturer states that the unique methods used by the device can also increase sexual stamina, improve self-esteem, and be used as a treatment for Peyronie’s disease – a condition more commonly known as “curvature of the penis.” Put simply, this product is unlike the others in that its state-of-the-art and multi-functional.

The Main Features of Sizegenetics Device

The makers of SizeGenetics spared no expense when designing their love child. While most of the other penis extending products almost require a degree in engineering to maneuver, the SizeGenetics contraption is relatively easy to use. There are no special skills required and you don’t have to call for help to strap it on. Perhaps best of all is that’s comparably comfortable to wear and it’s pretty much invisible under loose fitting clothes.

This unique system is comprised of two separate elements which work in tandem to create visible results. The device itself, which represents the bulk of the system, is said to guarantee a whopping 30% increase in penis thickness and length. However, the effectiveness of the SizeGenetics apparatus is wholly contingent upon the second element of the system: the exercise program from

Together, the two elements can work some serious wonders on a man’s junk in about 24-28 weeks (6-7 months). And while that may not seem like a very time-sensitive solution, I’d like to remind my readers that quick fixes seldom work, and they never have long-lasting results if they do. Personally, investing in the quality of my most precious member is what I believe is wiser, even if that investment is time. After buying the SizeGenetics system, there are few future investments to make.

Purchasing this product gives you automatic full-frontal access to the manufacturer’s Member’s Only club. There, you can watch instructional videos and strategic exercise routines while chatting with other members and being privy to quick access to customer service agents. To be frank, I’m just happy to see men’s sexual health being taken so seriously. It’s about goddamn time.

The Nitty Gritty

I keep throwing around words like “Peyronie’s disease” and “traction technique” and “strategic exercise,” but what in the hell does any of that mean? I like to be clear and concise, but I can also appreciate cool and casual, especially when it comes to this kind of shit. Keep in mind, however, that the SizeGenetics system is scientifically inspired. There’s only so much dumbing down I can do here; hang in there.

Getting down to the nitty gritty of this product, these are the top 5 things I think everyone should know:

  1. Scientific studies have shown the effectiveness of traction on other human body parts, thus inspiring sexual health researchers to develop a systematic method for achieving the same effect on the human male sexual organ.
  2. The traction technique has been used by numerous other cultures for centuries to extend various body parts such as the neck, ear lobes, waist, hands, and feet.
  3. The SizeGenetics apparatus uses traction to aggressively target specific penile tissues in the corpora cavernosa, or shaft.
  4. Traction causes the targeted penile tissues to generate new cells.
  5. The newly generated cells then accumulate to cause penile tissue growth.

That process is repeated throughout the course of using the SizeGenetics system, both because of the device itself and because of the exercise program that comes with it. In tandem, the two elements force the penis to grow at a rate that is contingent with your body’s health and capacity. That’s the only disclaimer: you’ve got to be in decent health to fully enjoy the benefits of this product.

A healthy dick is a hefty dick, and you know what that means. You don’t? It means that the quality of your penile circulation is just as important as the quality of the traction you apply. Poor circulation can wreak havoc on your penis enlargement plans. Don’t take my word for it though. I’m not a doctor; I just play one on TV.

The One Thing

Whether we’re talking about penis extenders or automatic blowjob machines, every product has that one thing which makes it stand out from the crowd. It’s a certain “je ne sais quoi” that each one possesses, and I like to stalk it, make it my bitch, and then tell the whole school. When it comes to this high-dollar SizeGenetics shit, I’d say the glaring difference is in the way the device is designed.

Because of the manufacturer’s use of what’s known as MDA Technology, or Multi-Directional Angling, this fancy son of a bitch can be worn in 16 different ways. That means men of all shapes and sizes can explore what this bastard has to offer, even if they’re out in public. When I wore it, it took me about 30 minutes to get used to. After that, the fluidity and functionality of the device made it both undetectable and unobtrusive.

Along my trip down the winding road of dickish delights, I’ve noticed that some penis extenders can hurt a little bit. As for the SizeGenetics system, it’s relatively comfortable. Don’t let people lie to you though; this thing has a presence. You’re going to feel a little pressure and you may have to adjust the way you sit. That’s the point though, isn’t it Sherlock?


The Breakdown

Like all penis extenders, this one requires some assembly as well. Because the majority of penis enlargement product makers try to create universal items that are suitable for men of all sizes, it’s common for an extender system to come in several individual parts which need to be connected. While that can be discouraging to some dudes, I rose to challenge and assembled my shit in 5 minutes flat.

The SizeGenetics system comes with the following 5 parts. All of them are equally important, so strap in (or on) while I drop some knowledge:

  • The Nose

This silicon component is a common part found in penis extenders and is used as a rope to hold the penis in place. It is attached to the head of your dick to create an upward force which substantiates a constant adherence. In other words, it pulls your dick up by its head and holds it there.

  • The Main Strap

This vital part is designed for versatility and comfort. It gives you a ghost hitter in the “keep your dick in place” game. The apparatus gives your dick a firm grip on reality while subduing it with some tough love in the form of traction.

  • The Slip Guard

Being caught slippin’ is for the narrow-minded and unprepared. The essential head grip component that comes standard with the SizeGenetics system is somewhat revolutionary on its own. It singlehandedly maximizes the device’s benefit by preventing most slippage from occurring, promoting secured and constant traction on the penis.

  • The Protection Pad

This innocuous part has an important job. It adds much-needed padding for your Johnson while you wear the device, preventing chaffing, irritation, and discomfort. I felt like the Protection Pad made one hell of a difference, and I don’t suggest using this product without it.

  • The Head Grip

This bitchin’ body part of the SizeGenetics system is perhaps my favorite of the 5 components because it’s so ingenious. It creates a barrier between the dick and the device without the use of cumbersome padding which may reduce the effectiveness of the traction. In short, this little bugger is a buffer of the best kind.

(YO: This part is made of latex, and that can exacerbate allergies and/or cause some pretty nasty skin irritations. Call your doctor if you develop a rash, and do it before you make an ass out of yourself in front of your partner.)

I suggest looking at each part individually before attempting to assemble your device. And since each one comes with instructions for users to gain access to the online database where instructional videos can be found, I would go a step further and say that it’s best to familiarize yourself with the product before strapping it to your most prized possession.

The Advice from a Stranger

You don’t know me and wouldn’t recognize me on the streets. You’ve never met me, and you probably never will. I am a complete stranger talking to you openly about dicks, pussies, and assholes. That’s not creepy at all. So here, let me give you some advice about using a penis extender. It’s the way nature would have intended it.

Below are my favorite tips and tricks for using the SizeGenetics device. Take it or leave it; I’m going to share it with you anyway:

  • I suggest doing some warmup exercises before strapping on your device because even a slight increase in blood flow to the penis can result in remarkable things.
  • I go so far as to wrap a warm/hot towel around my shlong and let it so. I do that to boost circulation and soften my skin. This helps the device keep a firm grip like whoa.
  • I found that a pre-soaked penis reacts better to the pulling pressure created by the extender.
  • Wear the SizeGenetics system for around 4 to 8 hours each day, depending on your preference and the exercises you’re following.
  • Never wear a penis extender for longer than 8 hours, regardless of what your friend’s sister’s cousin’s uncle’s girlfriend’s mailman says.
  • Give your dick a chance to recover because it’s the best way to rebuild penile tissues and improve results.

It’s no secret that individual results vary no matter what product we’re talking about, but the SizeGenetics system has been getting a lot of positive feedback. Plastic surgeons, surgical specialists, sexual and reproductive experts, and other medical professionals are among the most vocal in terms of supporting the device. Hailed as a safe, natural, and effective mechanism, this product got my attention because of its high-grade manufacturing, versatile design, and high-profile backing (namely by the FDA).

The Perspective

Overall, the SizeGenetics device is an attention-getting product from a well-known and respected manufacturer. It’s currently FDA approved, supported by industry professionals, and receiving rave reviews (like this one). However, like all products on the modern market, there’s bound to be a flaw. I consider it my job to be the asshole who discovers it.

Let me back up the train a bit and begin by whispering sweet nothings into your ears about the benefits of using SizeGenetics. Running the risk of sounding like a cheerleader for this bullshit scares the hell out of me. I pride myself on being object, and I have a rep to protect. Forgive me as I gush:


  • Top Gun – Unlike some other penis extenders in the same price range, SizeGenetics is made with dense and solid yet lightweight and flexible materials.
  • The Doctor Is In – This finely crafted thing has undergone rigorous clinical testing and has consistently performed well in real-life settings.
  • Pimp My Penis – The tension is adjustable to help customize your experience and gain control of your growth.
  • Straight Up – It can be, and often is, used to treat uncomfortable curvatures of the penis and the condition known as Peyronie’s disease.
  • Patience Is a Virtue – In just a few months, this bad boy can add a significant amount of girth and length to any penis when it’s used as directed.
  • Go, Go Gadget Dick – The system is designed to improve more than penis size, with proper use typically resulting in prolonged sexual performance, increased gratification, heartier erections, and a healthier penis.
  • Ballin’ on a Budget – All of those benefits are undeniably awesome, but the best part is that SizeGenetics is much cheaper and less intrusive than surgery.
  • Back That Ass Up – The manufacturer of SizeGenetics offers a 180-day warranty on all parts and will even refund your money or allow you to make an exchange if you’re not happy – a policy unheard-of in the sex toy industry.


  • You’re So Vain – You probably think this CON is about you, but it’s actually about the fact that the SizeGenetics device can cause mild to modern skin irritation when the proper amount of voltage isn’t used.
  • Make It Rain – Get out your wallets because this expensive bitch has a hefty price tag compared to some of its competitors, albeit for a good reason.
  • Sittin’ Sideways – Although the device is more comfortable and accommodating than most, it’s still a long-wear penis extender that will require you to rethink when and where you’re caught man-spreading.
  • Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater – There is no real way to cheat the system with SizeGenetics because they makers have thought of everything. You seriously have to do this shit for the next 6 to 8 months for any permanent results.

Obviously, there are more perks to using this device than there are drawbacks, but the final call is up to you. I couldn’t care less about this brand’s sales or success. I just want a big fat dick and I don’t care about feelings. That shit is for tiny dicked pricks and that ain’t me.

The Bells and Whistles

Little did I know when I first came across the SizeGenetics bullshit that this thing came in 3 different models. The company doesn’t advertise much, and I was lazy. Either way, I found out that each option is uniquely created to accomplish a specific goal. Had I known that, it probably wouldn’t have taken me this long to write my review. Then again, I wouldn’t have received an incredible education on the product by fumbling my way to the discovery of that little fun fact.

So, it now becomes my responsibly to make sure you guys don’t fall into the same trap. This device can change your life if you use the right one and follow the directions closely. I know; I ended up trying all three before settling on my favorite version. Let’s hope you don’t make the same mistake.

Below are the 3 different model options offered by the manufacturer:

  1. The Ultimate System

Out of the three different models, the Ultimate System is the top dog. It features the following:

    • The complete Comfort Package
    • A durable carrying case for travel
    • Revita Moisturizing After-Care Gel
    • TractionPLUS Powder
    • access and membership activation
    • LoveCentria DVD
    • Secrets of Seduction” e-book
    • Best Fitness” e-book
    • A device cleaning kit
    • A packet of spare parts

This version is obviously the most expensive of the three, but there’s clearly a good reason for that. Spend your money wisely, folks. You get what you pay for.

  1. The Comfort Package

As the second most expensive version of the SizeGenetics system, the classic Comfort package features the following:

    • The famous 16-position accommodating system that put the brand on the map
    • An instructional DVD
    • access and membership activation
    • Leather carrying case

There’s a good reason the Comfort Package is the best-selling version of the lineup. I like to think of it as the Goldilocks of the brand, but you don’t have to be as lame as me.

  1. The Base Edition

Without all the features found on the more expensive models, this option has the bare necessities for proper penis enlargement. Effective yet economical, this edition comes with the following items:

    • The base unit
    • An instructional DVD
    • access and membership activation

While the Base Edition isn’t anything fancy and may require some getting used to due to its lack of comfort pads and versatility, it’s still a great product with lots of potential when it’s used with respect.

The Buying Guide

When choosing between the above-mentioned models, I suggest having a firm grip on something more than just your dick. None of the options are cheap, so making a hasty decision might get you fucked up. Trust me; it’s in your best interest to at least skim through the following buying guide.

If you’re going to spend money on anything from the SizeGenetics lineup, be sure to consider these product properties. By thinking about how each one might affect your penis-growing success, you’ll stand a much better chance of picking the one that’s best suited for your unique family jewels. Understand your individual needs, and then compare those needs to the following 5 penis extender qualities that I find to be most important in any buying decision:

  1. Size

I don’t care what a stripper tells you; size matters. The penis extender you choose should expand to accommodate your dick with ease while still being taunt enough to do its job. Most extenders are adjustable or at least come in varying sizes. However, you may be required to pay a little more for an extremely large or small contraption. Just consider it a perfect penis tax.

TIP: The Base Edition is the least expensive, fully adjustable device in the lineup.

  1. Durability

Considering you’re going to be wearing your penis extender for hours on end, it’s important for the model you choose to be durable enough to take a beating. The SizeGenetics lineup is made from high-end materials with a quality than can be felt immediately. Still, the lower-end models offered by the brand aren’t as robust and may be subject to breaking if the wearer isn’t careful. I suggest simply reading and following the usage instructions that come with each model.

Tip: The Comfort Package features a design that gives it more strength against wear and tear.

  1. Comfortability

Wearing a penis extender for long periods of time can begin to wear on a guy, even if the device is perfectly sized and made from high grade materials. The fact of the matter is that strategically placed padding and an overall ergonomic design are essential for penis extenders. SizeGenetics tend to be considered among the most comfortable enlargement tools in the industry, but individual results may vary.

TIP: The Ultimate System wins the race on this one because it has so many user-friendly bells and whistles.

  1. Efficacy

At the end of the day, few things matter more than the efficacy of the product you’ve spent money on. This isn’t a popularity contest after all. If you’re anything like me, you want to stop fucking around with pieces of shit and start using something from the big leagues.

TIP: I found that all three models are highly effective at extending the penis and improving sex when they’re used as directed.

  1. Price

Yes, most people aren’t rich bitches who can throw hundreds of dollars on a penis extending device. I get that. On the same token, I also understand the concept that consumers get what they pay for. When it comes to SizeGenetics, the amount of money you’re willing to pay determines the quality and efficacy of your experience. As such, my suggestion is (and always will be) to go big or go home.

TIP: The Ultimate System is obviously the most expensive model in the lineup, with the Base Edition being the cheapest and the Comfort Package being in an ironically appeasing middle spot.

Keep in mind that every dude won’t get the same results. Also note that researchers have shown the correlation between cardiovascular health and sexual function. Penis extenders are not a remedy for erectile dysfunction nor do they promise to make you great in bed. Their primary function is to enlarge your dick; you’ve got to learn what to do with it. Remember though, the Ultimate System comes with 2 sweet ass e-books – one of which is called “The Secrets of Seduction.”

The Verdict

Overall, it’s my opinion is that the SizeGenetics devices are setting the bar for modern-day penis extenders. Although at first glance the price tag might scare some men off, I personally believe the effectiveness of the technique and design make it well worth the money. Coming in as one of the industry’s leading penis extending products, the relative cost is still less than the price of miracle pills, magic topical treatments, and prayer.

Of course, you can’t hope your way into a bigger dick. At some point, you’ll have to do something about it. If you want a heftier hamster, you’ll eventually have to fork over the cash. Nothing in life is free, but if you’re going to spend money it shouldn’t be a waste. I wouldn’t stop you from making this purchase if I were standing close to you.

In fact, I would likely urge you to go middle-of-the-road with it and buy the Comfort Package – SizeGenetics’ goldilocks product that’s most suitable for the average Joe. Most men don’t need a book to tell them how to be seductive nor do we want a shit ton of extra parts to keep track of. Furthermore, the price gap between the Comfort Package and the Ultimate System is pretty significant yet not necessary to achieve noticeable results. The SizeGenetics penis extending lineup gets an overall score of 9.5 out of 10, but that’s just because I’m an asshole who doesn’t give out straight A’s.

The New SayberX – Electric & Automatic Male Masturbator

I can’t stand the thought of waxing my own pole anymore, so when it hit me that there are still thousands of men in the world who regularly fuck socks I knew I had to look for a better alternative. The old saying goes that a man knows his own junk better than anyone else, thus why so many naïve fellas continue to beat their own meat like it’s still the first day of 8th grade. I get it, but I don’t agree with it. It’s the 2018, fuckers. Time to grow up.

By that I mean it’s time to start slipping your dipper into something a little more high-tech than your fist or tube sock. Not only is that shit cheap and pathetic, but it also doesn’t feel half as good as some of the toys on the market do these days. Take, for instance, the Sayber X. In my quest to find something that was good enough to change the minds of the homemade sex toy enthusiasts, I came across this expensive bastard and figured I would give it a try.

There’s nothing more frustrating that growing the balls to try something new only to be disappointed in the end. That’s enough to turn even the bravest among us into full-blown skeptics. I get that too, which is I why I ran this toy through the gamut; I tried to break it just to test out its limitations. In the process, I wound up finding a handheld masturbator that makes hands-on masturbation feel like some lame bullshit.

Before I get into the nitty gritty of this thing, I should first tell you that it had some stiff competition. On the roster was the Fleshlight and Kiiroo brand lineups, as well as the popular AutoBlow 2. As similar toys made by reputable manufacturers, I thought the Sayber X should be judged by a jury of its peers. What can I say? I would have finished law school if I didn’t get distracted by all these fuck holes.

What Is the SayberX?

The Sayber X is a handheld sex simulator that erks and jerks your junk into submission with the help of several fuckable features. I’ve heard of sitting on your hand and calling it a stranger, but this takes shit to a whole other level. If you’re sick of blasting off like a lame ass, the SayberX is a sleek and sexy way to add some power to your palm.

Designed to swiftly stimulate all parts of the penis (corona and shaft), this stealthy son of a bitch uses a series of commanding motors to send waves of pleasure up and down the canal. It has a relatively tight opening, a non-anatomical orifice, and human-like ribbing splattered on the inside of the removeable sleeve. The overall look of the SayberX pays homage to simplicity, but the lustrous casing gives it a tailored, high-tech, and somewhat otherworldly appearance.

But didn’t your mother ever tell you not to judge a book by its cover? While this toy has its merits, it could certainly use some work. The various features of it are satisfying enough, but in a world full of automatic pumpers with VR capability and free access to porn content, using the traditional toy to crank one out is growing more tiring by the minute. Luckily, the SayberX is another one of those automatic motherfuckers with lots to offer a guy who’s not into all that fancy shit.

SayberX Introductional Video

Identifying Marks Of Sayber X

Fancy may not accurately describe this bitch, but the technology behind it is like something out of a science fiction movie. The Gods of Good Sex smiled upon the makers of the SayberX, especially when the designers were coming up with the hyper-realistic material that spans the toy’s inner chamber. I, for one, preferred the SayberX material over the Fleshlight SuperSkin shit that’s got everyone’s panties in a wad. Call me a rebel.

The soft and silky SayberX also features basic improvements on the features it already had from the original version. The plastic outer casing is much thicker and more durable this time, made from what I can only assume to be some sort of hypoallergenic, medical-grade magic trick. While robust and solid, the entire contraption is still surprisingly lightweight and portable. Considering that there’s also an onboard drive system that powers the motor, I was shocked by its grace.

Furthermore, this toy has a variety of play-improvement features that make using it much more enjoyable than the standard handy (self-inflicted or otherwise). For one thing, it has this setting that sustains the toy’s motion without assistance. You won’t have to manually pump it, but you can if you want to. There’s a Sex Ring attachment available too, which is basically just a silicone finger loop that reacts in real-time to the wearer’s body movements. It connects directly to Bluetooth and can foster a pretty good time between two creative pervs.

And while the distance limitations of the Bluetooth connectivity are somewhat restrictive, there is the possibility for long-distance loving if you’ve got someone just as fucked up as you to play along. The Sayber X features 5 different speed functions as well, which meant I customized by session by experimenting with the throttle. Fun Fact: this little bastard could even be used for stamina training by any dude with a penis no bigger than 7 inches. I feel sorry for all you guys out there with massive donkey dicks, or do I?


The Sayber X is by far not the most expensive sex toy on the market these days, with some of the fancier shit costing hundreds if not thousands of dollars for just a base model without any accessories. For the price, which is about $300 for the device and pleasure ring, you get the following items:

  • The Sayber X handheld sex simulator
  • A sample packet of the brand’s patented lube
  • An instruction manual
  • A standard electrical power cable

This toy, much like the Fleshlight Launch, Kiiroo Onyx 2, and other automatic masturbators, is advertised as feeling “like someone is riding you,” and it certainly gives the competition a run for its money. As a more compact version that’s missing only VR capability to make it an equal, the Saybe X costs a little less and comes with the same kind of manufacturer’s warranty as the others do. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come with a storage case either. Can someone let these fuck faces know we need discretion?

Anyway, there’s an iPhone and Android app designed for this magnificent monster too, which makes long-distance play using the motion-activated ring a fucking party in the pants. Keep in mind that a less expensive model of the Sayber X is available as well (cost: about $250), but it doesn’t come with the app-linked X ring. Neither models come with a replacement sleeve, but both the X ring and extra sleeves can be purchased and repurchased at your leisure.

TIP: The X Ring costs about $30, so it may be cheaper to buy the toy and the ring separately instead of buying the whole kit and caboodle as a set.

Catching Feelings

I’ll be honest here. The mechanical fluidity of the Sayber X pales in comparison to the performance of the competition. It’s admittedly a little on the jerky side, but I like it rough. While the Fleshlight Launch and Kiiroo Onyx 2 are smooth operators, I prefer a toy that feels like it’s there. The Launch is kind of heavy and the Onyx is bulky as hell, but both are super quiet and run too smoothly to provide the bumpy ride that some men (like me) like.

I’ll go a step further and say that the SayberX feels like an actual vagina. While the brand doesn’t have a massive inventory of orifices, sleeve textures, and famous porn star models to mold, their overall ability to capture the nuances of the female canal is uncanny. There aren’t any sleeve warmers available either, but I found that the Fleshlight sleeve warmer works just fine with whatever removeable sleeve you have. Then again, warm water and a little patience work too.

Warm or not, the combined sensations of the toy’s life-like sleeve texture, its shape, and the powerful gyration of the motor had me catching feelings in about 2.5 seconds flat. I don’t need all that visual aid bullshit to bust a nut. Don’t get me wrong; watching porn and fucking imaginary partners is fun and all, but big boys have enough perversion in mental storage to fill up an encyclopedia.

My opinion is that the Sayber X is perfect for guys who like to sit back, close their eyes, and have their dicks juiced like an orange while they wait for their laundry to dry. It’s not for busy motherfuckers who need 100 things going on at once to cop a release. This toy is simple, solid, and satisfying. Big boys don’t cry.


Opinions Are Like Assholes

Everybody might have an opinion, but I doubt anyone has fucked the SayberX more times than I have at this point. I keep going back for more, trying to discover hidden design flaws, tips, and tricks to share with you lazy bastards. It’s a lot like watching a movie 4200 times; you not only memorize it, but you also begin to take notice of shit you hadn’t realized before. That’s where the fuck I am in all this. I haven’t seen daylight in weeks.

PROS: Because of my experience with toys like this, my opinion counts for something by default. While nothing leaves me speechless anymore, the Sayber X did a good job shutting me up with the following positive attributes:

  • Mr. Popular – This toy was not developed by a team of big-wig CEOs at a large company. It was created using an Indiegogo Crowdfund project with a 108% success rate.
  • Handyman – It’s a high-tech pleasure provider made with German engineering that’s solid enough to make you question your opinion of World War II.
  • Friends with Benefits – The Sayber X can be bought with the X Ring and used with a free app to be activated and controlled from anywhere on the planet.
  • Reality Check – The opening, inner chamber, motor movements, realistic SayberSkin material, and speed settings combine to create a toy that’s capable of making you second-guess reality.
  • Movin’ On Up – Any automatic sex toy is far superior to a traditional handy or blow job.
  • Open Sesame – Once available only through the maker’s Indiegogo campaign with a special order, the general public can now buy a Sayber X and take it home to destroy.
  • Bands Will Make You Dance – The X Ring is motion-sensitive, Bluetooth compatible, and adjusts in size. There’s even an extra-large band to go on your favorite toys, I’m not even kidding.
  • In Charge – You don’t have to charge anything (except maybe your smart device that’s hooked up to the X Ring) because this toy plugs into the wall outlet for its power.
  • The Skinny – The brand’s patented SayberSkin has been to the clinic and is free from all STDS, phthalates, and toxins, so it won’t rash you out no matter how hard you fuck it.

CONS: With all these positive things to say, you’d think my opinions wouldn’t include shit talking. You’re wrong. Nothing makes me more vocal than a sex toy with room for improvement. Here goes nothing:

  • Missed Connections – The app makes long-distance play more fun, but for some reason the Bluetooth connectivity between devices in the same room is often sketchy. In all fairness, that’s probably due to the overall shittiness of Bluetooth itself.
  • Rash of Bad Luck – If you have an allergy to latex, you may find yourself up Shit Creek without a paddle on this one.
  • Size Matters – All the expertise used during the creation of this toy and it can only accommodate a 7-inch cock? I’m flabbergasted, and nearly a quarter of the male population is fucked.
  • Chains of Bondage – While I can appreciate the freedom that comes from never having to chase down a charge, the electrical cord feature is a pain in the ass at times, namely when you’re trying to rub one out on the go.
  • Slight of Hand – Although there are 5 distinct speed settings, the button which controls those settings is inconspicuously placed and, worst yet, touch sensitive. I accidentally changed the setting mid-stroke almost every time I used this toy.
  • Call a Redo – Like I said, I have been slamming my ham into the SayberX for weeks on end. That must be why the material, albeit silky and well-made, has begun to show signs of wear. I’m literally fucking this thing to death.

Getting your hands on the perfect sex toy is not possible. As soon as something awesome comes out, there’s quickly someone (like me) to find the flaws in it. Because the world is filled with varied opinions, needs, quirks, and quests, it’s not easy for a toy manufacturer to develop a flawless product. Put simply: we’re all some assholes that are too picky for our own good. We’ve got to learn to give credit where credit is due.

My Judgment Call

For a sex toy that started out a just an idea between business partners, the Sayber X has come a long way. The new and improved version is much sleeker than the original, but I suppose that’s how it goes when you start to learn about what the market wants. This toy has made itself comparable to the Fleshlight Launch and Kiiroo Onyx 2 – not an easy feat whatsoever. That’s got to count for something.

In my opinion, the makers of the Sayber X saw a need and filled it by creating a sexy yet simplified version of the hottest automatic blowjob machines on the market. They did it at a price point that’s relatively reasonable, despite the need for continue replacement sleeves and lube. The extra cost of the X Ring is a turn-off though, especially considering it’s the main thing that makes this toy cool. Without the ring, the Sayber X is just a squishy hole that jerks you off automatically. Wait, that sounds amazing too.

The complaints lodged against the Sayber X are fair, but none of them are deal breakers for me. I can work around a bad Bluetooth connection. I can wear a condom to prevent an allergic reaction to latex. I can enjoy some corona stimulation if my dick gets too big for the hole (I’ve been using a penis extender). I can get an extension cord or power adapter to give myself more room for special exploration. I can keep my goddamn hands to myself and let the toy do what it does best. And I can even afford the general maintenance of my toy by putting a little money back for replacement sleeves. After all, responsible and imaginative sex toy ownership is the name of the game.

You can find out more information or buy the sayberx at their official website.

In-Depth: Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit Review: It Will Make You Last Like A Champ!

I’m one of those guys who isn’t afraid to admit that a good piece of ass will make me cum in 3.5 seconds flat. A real “two pumps and a mash-down” type of guy am I, but there’s no shame in my game. I simply accept my flaws with flair while getting outright rejected by every single lover who dares grace my presence. NOT! Who the fuck do you think I am? I did something about that shit. I started treating my dick like I was a goddamn drill sergeant.

What began as a quaint quest for the best cock-numbing cream turned out to be an anxiety-riddled merry-go-round of expensive yet worthless products that did little more than disappoint and embarrass me. As if my love life wasn’t already lame enough, I tried this one shit that ended up burning the skin right off my balls. I don’t recommend buying dick enhancers from mystery merchants off the internet, nor do I suggest using topical products as a means by which to extend your longevity. My therapist says I’m almost ready to talk about.

The next victim of my perverted perusal were the penis pills, and some of them looked kind of promising. Supposedly potent and penis-friendly, these hunks of junk had me humpin’ and pumpin’ in vain. The most noticeable result I got from any of the sexual stamina pills I tried was dangerously xdryt enough shit to do; I don’t have time for things that complicate my life, especially for very little return.

Stamina Training Shower Pack

Economically speaking, training your dick for the O-Face Olympics using magic potions is like betting lying on your resume. Eventually, you’ll need to prove your worth with expert precision. Don’t get lost up O-Shit Creek without a proper paddle, my brothers. Train your Johnson with love and tenderness if you can, and by that, I mean: beat it up like it owes you money. It’s the way nature intended it.

Pills and creams are pointless and risky to say the least. In fact, there is no point in subscribing to some 3-month-long pill or cream regimen in order to “get the most bang for your buck.” Quite the contrary, actually. Spreading that kind of cheese around for a mere chance at getting prolonged pussy control is nonsense, especially when there are so many other options out there that require only a single investment. I haven’t even got to the best part either: These “other options” are orgasmic, not just organic.

Having made myself privy to this sacred knowledge after months of tireless research, I finally came across the Fleshlight collection and started getting down to business. Their inventory has a bunch of crazy shit in it, but my attention was piqued when I found the Fleshlight STU (Stamina Training Unit) sitting pretty in the lineup like it knew I was there to buy it. At that point, I had tried damn near everything under the sun, so I thought, “What the hell?” I wanted something to fuck with after my training was done, so I opted for the “Classic” model too. And, since I was feeling like a depraved Daddy Warbucks, I made it rain and bought an “Ice” model while I was there.

They all three arrived at my door in unmarked boxes, which is always nice. I’m pretty sure my neighbors think I’m a weirdo for all these packages being delivered, but they don’t understand the sick scientist I am. How else is the wonderful world of pervs going to know what works and what doesn’t if there isn’t an asshole like me to try it out and write about it? They wouldn’t; so, I’m doing God’s work here. Please step aside and let the professional handle it, folks.

I’m the kind of guy who throws my cock into anything with an opening, so aggressively fucking a fake vagina wasn’t taboo to me. At the same time, I’ve developed a rather sophisticated discernment for quality throughout my travels. I am a man of the world now, with a bunch of naughty knowledge and a knack for asking the tough questions. Stay tuned, bitches. Shit just got real.

What Is the Fleshlight STU?

First all, this thing should not be referred to as a “sex toy.” There is no playing when it comes to the power of this pre-fabricated pussy. Not only is it made by one of the most popular brands in the industry, but it’s also very deserving of that reputation. The Fleshlight STU features the same great SuperSkin material that has made Fleshlight a household name, and the orifice selection is just as broad. However, the STU features a much more intense sleeve lining, virtually forcing your dick to give up the goods like it’s being cock-jacked.

Unlike its brethren, the Stamina Training Unit is designed to give the penis maximum pleasure at lightning speed, instead of simply offering maximum pleasure and nothing more (as if that were something to complain about). The opening to the Fleshlight STU is super tight, which gave my junk a little taste of what was to cum (pun totally intended). Upon entrance, I discovered firsthand how the concentrated sleeve texture tickled every nook and cranny of my shaft. This thing is a real game changer.



The outer casing is made from the same hard polymer that’s used in all the other Fleshlight models, but the STU tends to be a little lighter. I found this to be good news, especially since the STU is designed to provide a rapid release, which required more stamina from my forearms to earn more stamina from my jewels. It works hard for the money, that’s for sure, and after a while my ability to go longer and finish stronger started to improve.

This serious sex machine is 100% manually driven, so a little warm-up might be necessary if you plan to go for multiple rounds. The weight distribution isn’t bad though, and the ergonomics are spot-on. Considering how quick the results are rendered, I seldom got a muscle cramp in anything but my groin. Using the Fleshlight STU sure beat the hell out of slapping mystery creams on my junk or swallowing horse pills until my stomach hurt. And for something that costs less than $100, it also beat those cocky competitors into the dirt.

What’s the Big Deal?

The Fleshlight STU is, by far, the most successful tool at desensitizing the dick to the point of prolonged pleasure, without making the shaft feel like it’s been assaulted by sand paper. In my experience, the smooth, silky texture of the sleeve made this toy very useful for the following perverted purposes:

  • Starting Your Engine – The Fleshlight STU is marketed towards men with mild to moderate cases of erectile dysfunction.
  • Playing Nice – The STU is ideal for making couple’s play more interesting.
  • Being Naughty – Tantric sex is a ball of fun, even if it’s by yourself.
  • Cranking It Out – The extreme sensations of the sleeve make getting off a quick and effortless exercise.
  • Going Pro – This unit is notorious for improving men’s stamina by 10 to 20 times. I’m not even kidding, and apparently neither is the manufacturer.

The big deal about a toy that’s got this much power goes without saying, but since I’m being forced: the STU features some well-hung manufacturing to say the least. With interchangeable inserts that can be heated to body-like temperatures using the brand’s patented Sleeve Warmer, the training regimen is fully customizable to anyone’s standards. I, for one, prefer products with proven results. Low and behold, the STU has bragging rights to significant improvements by every one of its users, especially after regular, prolonged use.

How Does Fleshlight STU Compare to Similar Products?

The Fleshlight brand is known for its insidious innovations, as are many of the most popular names in self-pleasure. So, when they came out with the Fleshlight STU I wasn’t the least bit surprised that it got rave reviews (for the most part). However, I’m not here to regurgitate what the last guy already said. I’m here to lay down the knowledge on this shit because, frankly, somebody’s got to keep it real with these sex toy sons of bitches.

My first priority, as always, is rigorously testing the STU against similar competitors. By the end of my research, I had the top three Fleshlight fuck wands staring me in the face, and I knew I had to do more than cram my ham inside of them. This is where it got good.

According to the latest reviews, the Fleshlight Stu, with all its intense sensations and erotic ergonomics, is second only to the brand’s own Classic, Turbo, and Ice models. This sounded like a challenge to me. So, here’s my stank on it:

The Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit VS The Fleshlight Classic

Nobody can complain about a classic. I mean, the Fleshlight folks didn’t become one of the most famous names in the industry for no reason. High-quality “relationship enhancers” are gaining mainstream support, and the Fleshlight Classic is certainly a manly mainstay. However, its intensity level is nowhere on par with stamina training, much less anything else besides a quick tug-and-pull before bed. They’re both large and in charge, but the STU often costs a little less, can still be customized quite a bit, and is basically designed to make you cum as quickly as possible. For the love of God, get some sleep!

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER – In the interest of time, efficiency, and variety, the STU wins this round. Although it is often used as a warm-up tool or a stamina improvement device, it is capable of so much more. I just wanted to fuck the potential right into it. Overall, I’d say that this Fleshlight favorite is deserving of its lofty rep as a go-to gadget for swifty sex, compelling couple’s play, erotic endurance, and convenient self-stimulation. But that’s just me.

The Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit VS The Fleshlight Turbo

Moving on, I felt it necessary to pit the STU against its boisterous brethren, the Fleshlight Turbo. This son of a bitch gives a decent knob job, plus it’s fully customizable just like the rest of the toys from the brand. The sleeve it comes with contains a collection of twists, turns, and tantalizing textures that juice your dick like it’s an exotic fruit. However, the copulation achieved from the Turbo is much smoother (aka: slower) than that of the STU, despite its otherwise exhilarating (and somewhat misleading) title. The only thing “Turbo” about the FT is the eventual orgasm it receives from your overworked dick, but then again, an unenthusiastic hand-job could do the same thing.

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER – Compared to the other toys in my lineup, the Turbo was somewhat dull if you can believe it. As a stand-alone toy, it’s worth the money (it only costs around $70), but up against the STU it doesn’t have a chance. I swear, I started feeling like I did when I was in an obligatory relationship and wanted to end it. “It’s not you; it’s me.”

The Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit VS The Fleshlight Ice

Shit started to get interesting right about the time I began testing the Fleshlight Ice – the glorious goo hole that it is. See-through and smaller than the average bear, the Ice is still compatible with the brand’s sleeve warmer. Better than that though, it allows you to spill your spud onto sexy spectators (or onto a towel), virtually eliminating the clean-up process. For voyeurs, this is wonderful news and using the Ice will probably be very satisfying. For people who don’t need to see it to believe it, the Ice is lacking in a few minor ways. The tightness is there, the size is right, and the weight distribution is on-point, but the texture isn’t the best thing in the world and the enclosed design of the others is often a good thing. I guess it all just depends on your taste.

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER – Again, the Ice is a decent enough toy. It’s just not ideal for folks looking to improve their stamina. Unless, of course, their stamina is shot to hell as soon as they peep their pecker near a pussy. In which case, I’d say they need more than a sex toy to make much of a difference. Overall, the STU feels better, provides more intense sensations, satisfies, and allows for adjustments. We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen.

What Else Can It Do?

I wanted to be sure to point out the fact that the Fleshlight STU made it out alive when put nose to nose with its sexy, successful siblings. Although it’s not the perfect toy by any means, the STU is certainly marketed truthfully and lives up to the brand’s standard. This model turns tricks like your mom, only its better at it. Here is a list of some of the shit it can do:

  • The STU works with the Fleshlight Launch. Did you hear what I just said? Holy penis party, Batman! Don’t get me started. That’s a whole other review.
  • It is also compatible with the majority of the brand’s accessories, including the shower mount and sleeve warmer.
  • It comes with access to an online stamina training program manual that’s pretty dope. I, for one, had no idea there was a method to all this madness. Turns out, science isn’t working as hard towards a cure for cancer as they are for a cure for premature limp dick.
  • A properly structured training routine actually helps you stop beating your own meat because, let’s face it, that shit is lame.

While the overall design of the STU is not without inherent flaw, I think it (and the entire Fleshlight brand for that matter) is going to be one of those throwback classics everyone uses to weigh the quality of their new toys. That’s not a bad gig if you ask me.

So, What’s the Catch?

The catch is simple. This toy is definitely a “WYSIWYG” product (“WYSIWYG” means “What you see is what you get” for those of you born under a rock). I can’t explain the nuances of life to you fuck boys, but I can explain the little tips and tricks I discovered about successfully enjoying the STU. For instance, testing different stroke patterns, thrust strengths, angles, durations, and partners can help you get the most out of the toy. Otherwise, the damn thing starts to feel too familiar after a while.

Also, breathing techniques can make a world of difference when using the STU, and so can limiting yourself to how many times you’re allowed to cross the finish line before stopping. While the Stamina Training Unit is designed to feel like paradise, the idea is to use that sensation to train your brain and balls to handle their shit better in the event of some mind-blowing sex. It’s sort of a double-edged sword unless your fortitude is intact.

Furthermore, the STU is not a tiny toy, nor is it in any way inconspicuous aside from its secure shipping. The sheer popularity of the manufacturing brand has made its unique toy design a recognizable thing. It may be time to head back to the drawing board, Fleshlight. The cost is good and the texture is great, the materials are solid and the weight is workable, but the cocksucker doesn’t have a carrying case nor does it come with any physical learning literature, toy cleaner, or lube (aside from a very small packet of the brand’s water-based shit, and that was gone in 60 seconds).


Why Is The Fleshlight STU Worth My Money?

Training your cock and balls for the big game requires a lot of work. At the end of the day, your family jewels are worth it. Penis pumps, magic elixirs, super pills, and natural skills only take a man so far. When you’re stuck between a rock and not-so-hard place, desperation calls with your delicate ego hanging in the balance. As for me, I’d rather take my chances with a sex toy that’s specifically designed to get my junk in order.

Furthermore, some the side effects of those alternative erection solutions are downright dangerous, not to mention uncomfortable and embarrassing. While the STU does not claim to treat or cure medically diagnosed erectile dysfunction, it can help men like you and me who occasionally have a hard time keeping it up or who go soft as soon as they bust a nut. For a moderate investment of around $70, it’s a small price to pay for a better bedroom resume.

On the other hand, any sex toy that feels good enough to make you cum your eyeballs out within minutes would do the same thing as the STU. The difference is that the STU, unlike most of the others, has been developed using advanced technology and is manufactured by one of the best-known names in the industry – compatible with a majority of the Fleshlight brand’s lineup. If that’s not enough to make you say, “Take my money,” then I don’t know what is.

How Does It Measure Up?

Although I have a lot of good shit to say about the STU, I still had some issues with its overall design. I try not to be a passive pussy, which means I abuse these toys like a goddamn drill sergeant. For a relatively low-priced sex toy that can accommodate penises up to 8.5 inches long, I’d say that this toy had a head start against its rivals. Then again, it’s a pretty standard masturbator outside of its hyper-texturized material and a good portion of the people who use it end up swapping the sleeve for something else after a while. Either way, here’s what I discovered. You be the judge.


  • Super Sensational – The extreme texture of the inserted sleeve, even if it’s not the STU version, is very satisfying to say the least.

  • Plays Well with Others – The STU is compatible with the Fleshlight Launch – a fully automated master of dick disaster if I’ve ever seen one.

  • Quirky Quickie – While the STU was originally designed to help men increase their sexual stamina, it’s possible to use this toy as a quickie machine for on-the-go blue balls relief – just what the doctor ordered.

  • The Price is Nice – Although some sex toys are less expensive, they’re also usually cheaply made. The STU is a solid work of perversion, and it even comes with a limited warranty from the manufacturer.

  • Large and In Charge – Like most toys from the Fleshlight lineup, the STU is made to fit dicks if all shapes and sizes, and is large enough to accommodate just about everyone (except for you horse cock motherfuckers).


  • Heavy Duty – Unless you use this toy with the brand’s Launch, you’re going to get a workout. Although it’s weight distribution is on point, lots of stroking can wear anyone out.
  • Shooting Blanks – Beware: after using the STU for a while, your dick might become desensitized, which could make getting off harder than your throbbing cock.
  • Solo Act – Because of the intensity of this thing, using it with a partner is an exercise in futility (unless, of course, you’re into prematurely ejaculating in front of your lover). I suggest using the STU to rub one out before the big game instead of using it as a couple’s play toy. Just sayin’.

What Will They Think of Next?

I’m not sure what the Fleshlight brand will come up with next, but I do know that I’m looking forward to it. Who wouldn’t be excited about an up-and-coming sex toy that’s manufactured by one of the best names in the industry? I only wish that they would develop some sort of new material since the brand’s patented SuperSkin shit is somewhat sticky and can tear easily when it’s not properly lubed up.

Overall, the Stamina Training Unit is virtually indestructible (that is NOT a challenge by the way). Keep it wet and clean and you shouldn’t have a problem. And while it’s just another expense that sits between you and a killer orgasm, I suggest springing for the brand’s specially formulated toy cleaner and renewal powder, especially if you want to keep your toy in ship shape for a long time. In other words, play at your own risk.

The Last Word

At the end of the day, I think the Fleshlight STU is an ideal sex toy-slash-cock trainer to keep in your fuck stick arsenal year-round. Whether it ends up being used as a quickie machine, a dick mentor, or a perverted play toy for your partner is up to you. Either way, it’s reasonably priced enough to suffice for whatever the hell you want to do with it (with some limitations, of course). If I had to rate it on a scale from 1 to 10, I’d give it a solid 8.5. Despite its short list of shortcomings, the STU is downright fun to use, highly effective for its intended purposes, well made, affordable, and sent discretely in an unmarked box (just the way my nosey neighbors and I like it).You can find more information or buy Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit at its official website.

Handsfree Fleshlight Launch: This Amazing Sex Toy Will Rock Your Socks Off! + a Special 10% Discount Code For Our Readers!(See The Bottom Of The Page)

I am not a professional at anything but jerking it 8 days a week, so I suppose that makes me eligible to review what I can only describe to be the greatest invention since the wheel.fleshlight launch review Being one of those weirdos who isn’t a huge fan of the Fleshlight brand already makes me an outcast, but add to it the fact that I had been attempting to make my own sex toy and you’ve got the perfect storm for social disaster. However, you also have the ideal candidate for a review because I don’t really have much going on these days and I live to empty my balls into whatever hole will have me.

Back when I was a kid, crafting a cum catcher out of my sock didn’t seem like a bad idea. Now that I’m a grown ass man, however, I have no business attempting to please my penis with anything but the finest sex toys on the market. Having been privy to some of the best snatch on the planet up to this point, homemade fuck wands just don’t do the trick anymore. And if they’re still getting you off after everything that’s been invented, then you need some serious help, my friend.

Listen, I was also hyper-skeptical about the value of these high-priced sex toys that seem to inundate the industry. Like you, I felt as though I could fashion my own products out of common household goods and get the same result. Shit, there are plenty websites out there that demonstrate how to do it, and it’s sure as hell cheaper than the alternative. But, at the end of the day, slamming my Johnson into a hollowed-out potato just didn’t have the same appeal as stuffing the muff of a scientifically-designed dick juicer. Call me a romantic.

So, as luck would have it, I ran across this newly fangled toy called the Fleshlight Launch. At first, I didn’t even want to know what all it did because I knew from the jump I probably couldn’t afford it. The days of self-made masturbators were looking better with every click of my mouse until I discovered that the Launch was in a league of its own. You can’t even call this thing a “masturbator,” or a “blow job machine” for that matter. The Launch is a serious sex toy, designed for cum connoisseurs who aren’t afraid to make an investment in their depravity.

After a little deliberation with my cheap side, I clicked purchase and waited for it to arrive on my doorstep. They said it would come in an unmarked box and it did, so now my nosey neighbors think I’m either a covert drug dealer or that I get adult diapers shipped to my house. I suppose that’s better than them knowing I’m inside jerking it profusely to mental images of their daughters. Meanwhile, I’ve done my best to take notes on the experience, even with sticky hands – leaving no stone unturned and never afraid to ask the tough questions.

What Is the Hands Free Fleshlight/Kiiroo Launch?

The infamous Fleshlight brand has spared no expense on this bad boy – a high-tech collaboration with the somewhat popular Kiiroo brand. Although Kiiroo has been on the sex toy scene for quite some time now, it isn’t as well-known as Fleshlight for several reasons. Their toys aren’t as imaginative, for one thing, and their craftsmanship sometimes reminds me of the not-so-good ole days of self-pleasure. Nevertheless, these two industry giants have teamed up to give the world a taste of what the future of fucking might look like, and I love where this is headed.

Up until now, mortal man had to rely solely on his hand, the mouth of a willing victim, a manually-propelled synthetic vagina, or a poorly made “automatic” blowjob machine to get the kind of nut he deserved. And, while most of those options will do just fine in a pinch, most dudes longed for more. I know I did, whether I was ready to admit it or not. Having heard our perverted prayers, the gods of good sex harkened the call to create what I am going to do my very best to describe.

If you don’t know what I mean when I say that the Fleshlight Launch is an “automatic blowjob rocket” then you have been living under a sex-sock rock for too long and we can no longer be friends. Just in case you’re wondering, though, that means this toy is a self-propelled cock sucker that gyrates at variable speeds and intensity levels, as per its many bells and whistles. Not a big fan of the high-tech shit? Neither was I. Toys like that just seem to get in the way of a good time. However, the user-friendliness of the Launch is what got my attention first.

Although it has several moving parts and there is some minor assembly required, a trained monkey could use the Launch without failure. Almost as if the designers knew we would all be cum-dumb during operation, their design simplifies sexy time by utilizing the key components of ergonomics. In other words: the interface is super easy to use, the buttons are well-placed, and the options are simple to scroll through. I could have used a little more cow bell (a.ka. more power), but that’s because I’m a spoiled asshole.

I go hard on the penis, which may or may not be why my dick felt desensitized by the unit after a couple uses. Then again, that could be because I u

sed the same exact Fleshlight model for every session, even though I knew those things were interchangeable. Yes, the Launch allows you to slide in your own Fleshlight fuck stick at leisure, making it a seriously customizable product. The only problem is, especially for dudes who haven’t spent much money on masturbators, that each Fleshlight costs around $70. (The good news is that you can buy extra sleeves for cheaper and just swap shit up that way without having to spring for a whole new device.)



The Launch simply houses the Fleshlight masturbator of your choosing and then performs a number of dickly tricks using its pre-programmed interface. It takes that mushy manual masturbator out of your exhausted hands and turns it into a rod-gobbling robot that doesn’t quit. If that’s not enough to make the average Joe throw his money at it, I don’t know what is. Furthermore, it can do what no other blowjob machine on the market can do, but we will get into that shit next. For now, all you need to know is that the Launch makes homemade sex toys look like desperate attempts of fucking futility (pun intended).

What’s the Big Deal?

Despite the relatively big price tag (at least compared to the cost of most DIY toys, not including the cost of your dignity), the Fleshlight Kiiroo Launch is still a big player in the sex toy industry. Obviously designed with lazy gluttons in mind, this toy allows the user to expend no unnecessary energy on unimportant things like humping and pumping. So, the big deal is that it does all the work for you.

This fully automated miracle of modern machinery can be connected to its brand-sponsored online database as well. The library features a shit ton of virtual reality and POV porn content for you to peruse at your leisure. There are videos, games, and live or pre-recorded webcam sessions available around the clock. Best of all, it’s synched up without any wires via Bluetooth, so don’t trip. See what I did there? You’re welcome.

Keep in mind that, without a solid connection, you may experience some dick-defying downtime like I did. It wasn’t fun at all; I’ll be honest. Turns out, my equipment needed updated and upgraded beforehand and, in my initial excitement, I failed to check for compatibility. Sounds like the story of my life. I suggest taking care of technicalities like that before lubing up or else you may not get to experience the full shebang. The operative word here is “Bluetooth,” not “Blue balls.”

It may be a little on the expensive side to my DIY brethren, but it’s a pretty big deal in the industry right now and I can certainly see why. The affiliation with quality shit like raised more than just my interests, especially since I have been jerking it to that site’s content since its inception. The difference was that the Launch allowed me to take my pick of porn and enjoy it in real time, using a fully automated, hand-picked masturbator that was made by one of the top names in sex toys. Take my money!

How Does It Compare to Similar Products? Is It The Top Dog On The Market?

Like me, you might be saying at this point, “Alight, but there are a bunch of things like this out there. How is the Launch any different?” With products such as The AutoBlow 2, The SayberX, and Kiiroo’s super popular Onyx/Pearl lineup, it would take a team of pro-penis scientists to compare. Enter the Fleshlight-Kiiroo love child and now we’re talkin’.

Fleshlight Launch VS The AutoBlow 2

The famous AutoBlow2 is a remake of the original, and its legendary smooth operation makes for an “automatically” good time. It has several speed, tightness, length, and intensity settings, but that’s where the customizations end. Unlike the Fleshlight Kiiroo Launch, the AutoBlow has but one sleeve texture to choose from, not to mention it looks like an ugly ass medical device, smells like a dusty chemistry set, sounds like a broken lawnmower, and costs about as much (if not more) than a couple quality BJs from a willing hooker.

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER: The Launch breaks the mold here because it can be hooked up with internet-based porn content and will then freely gyrate to the beat of your chosen drum. The AutoBlow 2 can’t do that on its best day and it needs to be plugged into the wall to work, which is why we don’t think it compares to the Launch at all.

Fleshlight Launch VS The SayberX

I had the pleasure of enjoying the SayberX one time with a partner and it wasn’t a bad little toy – sturdy, sexy, and oh-so powerful. There were at least half a dozen settings and it could be connected with another SayberX via Bluetooth to feel the other user’s real-time body movements. However, that’s about the extent of things. So, when one person is worn out, the party is pretty much over. I didn’t even mention that there’s a size cut-off on the SayberX. Need I mention more for you guys to get the point?

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER: Unless you feel like masturbating with only your mediocre cock and your lackadaisical imagination to stimulate you, the SayberX is not a good option. I, for one, prefer a little visual aid when I’m jerking it, and the Launch provides that and more. Plus, I didn’t have to find a willing partner to enjoy myself, and that’s the whole damn point of using an automatic sex toy in the first place.

Fleshlight Launch VS The Kiiroo Onyx 2

The Kiiroo Onyx/Pearl lineup is the only automatic blowjob machine that comes anywhere close to the Fleshlight Kiiroo Launch, but that didn’t surprise me and it shouldn’t shock you either. Obviously, these two masturbation masters know what people want. The Onyx (for men) and the Pearl (for women) are both designed to connect to the exclusive Kiiroo online database for instant access to interactive porn content (organized by position, porn star, and interest).

Compatible with Oculus Rift, the Onyx/Pearl features two operating modes (fully automatic and manual) plus a powerfully precise motor which drives a series of 10 pleasure rings that are wrapped by some seriously swanky, skin-like material. It can even be programmed to record your partner’s internal muscle contractions for a hyper-realistic experience. The downsides? It’s only comfortable for average-to-moderate-sized penises (9.5 inches max), the porn content is severely limited, and it sounds like a jet engine when it’s running on full power.

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER: Again, the Fleshlight Launch wins the race this time around because of its unique ability to work wiener wonders without cords or a willing partner – as the Onyx/Pearl requires another similar device to get the full effect (and it doesn’t allow users to enjoy fucking a real porn star either).

Overall, the Fleshlight Kiiroo Launch out performs the competition 3:1. Not only does it make other automatic blowjob machines its bitch, but it also looks good doing it. Inside its durable, futuristic casing lies a whole host of sexy settings that kept my head spinning.

What Else Can I Do With The Launch?

I can’t call this a real review if I didn’t talk about the design and operation specifics of the Launch, so here goes nothing.

Fleshlight Launch Stamina Training Pack Helps You Last Longer In Bed

I’m no sex-scientist, but whoever invented this thing certainly is. I can’t even program an alarm clock, but somehow, I managed to get the most out of this toy thanks to its concise instruction booklet. While some other manufacturers offer little more than crudely drawn pictures to guide the way, the Fleshlight/Kiiroo duo used their words like big boys and girls.

This high-tech toy blows my DIY shit out of the water, through the ballpark, and into the next solar system. It’s pretty much compatible with everything in the Fleshlight and Kiiroo inventories, including the Onyx/Pearl lineup and The Fleshlight Girls Collection.

Manual Stamina Training Unit Can Also Be Purchased Separately

I tried it with the Fleshlight STU (Stamina Training Unit) just to see how much of a man I was. Let’s just say I’m a one-minute man with a 30-minute attitude. Needless to say, the STU/Launch combo was a favorite of mine (and also something I only do to pre-game it before a long night).

The Launch, regardless of your chosen innards, is a fine and faithful servant, requiring no internet connection to do its thang. It features two distinct operating modes (Manual and Interactive), meaning you can bang it out to some killer VR porn content or rely on your own perverted mind while enjoying a plethora of fantastic shapes, colors, textures, and experiences. I like to think of it as a candy store for my cock.

Furthermore, the Launch-pad is capable for handling some major weight, with an internal capacity of 12.75 inches. Unfortunately, you don’t actually fuck the Launch itself. You simply insert your favorite compatible sex toy and let technology do the rest. The designers even took the minimalist approach to creating the Launch’s easy-to-use, one-touch buttons on the side, made for quick switching through the various settings (length and speed of the stroke), even in mid-stroke. Oh, what a time to be alive!

TIP: For those of you who are too poor or lazy for a PC, the Fleshlight Launch is compatible with your smartphone too. On-the-go virtual fuck fests: there’s an app for that.

So, What’s the Catch?

I’ll admit that I started out as a skeptical newbie in love with the idea of inexpensive DIY sex toys, but now I am sounding like a cheerleader for Kiiroo and Fleshlight. No Bueno. So, I’ve dug into the recesses of my mind to fathom some qualms I had with the greatest thing since sliced bread just to make you thirsty bitches happy. I hope you’re proud of yourselves:

  • Some Assembly Required – Unfortunately, you’ll have to put your Launch together before each use. However, I didn’t find it too difficult to do so with the help of the instructions.
  • Tick-Tock – It takes about 9 hours for the initial charge and about 5-6 hours for each charge after that. But, just like mama used to say, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” Don’t be a loser.
  • Boxing Champ – There is no storage box included with the Fleshlight Kiiroo Launch. It’s a good thing this toy is sleek and streamlined so that it fits in most closets and dresser drawers.
  • Does Not Compute – If you get the Launch near any kind of moisture (besides the lube), you could be in some serious trouble. This thing is compatible with a lot of things, but your bathtub is not one of them.
  • Lemme Upgrade Ya – There are several frequent updates that must be made to the operating system of the Launch and/or to its reception of any new online porn content. Some of these can take a while; some don’t. Luckily, you can still use the toy even if there are pending updates. Just don’t let it get too backed up or the shit won’t work right.
  • Feel the Burn – This high-powered rocket gets a little warm from time to time, especially when it has been running on full blast for a while. Take it easy, champ.
  • Slow Learner – I found a slight delay in the Launch-pad controls. It’s not a huge problem, and certainly not a deal breaker, but it can pique someone’s curiosity about the quality of the Launch if they don’t know what to expect. You have been warned.
  • The Word Is “Bluetooth” Once, I experienced the hell that is the red LED indicator light coming on mid-orgasm. It was warning me of a long, lost Bluetooth connection, and it was followed by lagging porn content and a confused motherboard. I’ll never be the same again.

Basically, the Fleshlight  Launch is a bitch for completely avoidable reasons. If you’re a patient and responsible owner (and if you follow the instructions carefully after updating your PC or smartphone), you shouldn’t have a problem enjoying all that this high-tech machine can offer. In other words, the future of fucking is in our feeble hands.

Why Is It Worth My Money?

For such a futuristic fuck fest as this, I was surprised by the $200 price tag after I started to think about it. Despite its somewhat minor flaws, a quick $270-$300 can afford you a long-term investment in some of the most intense sex of your life (with or without a partner or porn). The Launch is fully automated, just like its predecessors, only it’s capable of so much more. They grow up so fast!

This toy gave me the opportunity to use my VR goggles for more than binge watching corny 3D movies in my underwear. The specially encoded content was broadcast onto the screen, and every thrust was perfectly duplicated by the video. Let me break it down for you this way:

  • Well Mannered – The Launch is compatible with so many different masturbators that I can’t even list them all here. Moreover, it works with nearly all modern VR goggles and gets along great with the entire website.
  • Speedy Gonzalez – Although it has a variety of speed controls, this motherfucker can pump at a record-braking 180 strokes per minute. That’s 3 strokes per second for you drop outs.
  • Genie in a Bottle – This toy features what’s known as “teledildonic” connectivity – a fancy way of saying you can fuck horny strangers in real-time whether they have their own Launch device or not.
  • Hush Little Baby – For such a powerful machine as this, it’s as quiet as a mouse fart. Compared to other mechanized sex toys, the Launch is by far the most silent (minus the sexy squishing sound produced by the suction).
  • Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board – The Launch may look like a hefty beast, but don’t let appearances deceive you. It’s surprisingly lightweight and can be easily stored away for a rainy day.
  • The Strong, Silent Type – The Bluetooth connectivity is strong despite the limitations of modern technological devices. I used my smartphone a lot and had no issues whatsoever. However, my PC acted like a bitch until I updated it properly.
  • Skin So Soft – The entire thing is comprised of nothing but skin-safe materials, none of which contain any latex or phthalates. The same thing goes for the whole Fleshlight and Kiiroo inventories. That rash on your balls is from something else. Probably that melon you were just fucking.
  • Try a Little Tenderness – Taking care of your toy is key. The makers of the Launch took that into consideration, making their specimen easy to clean using industry standard ergonomics and simple common sense.
    • TIP: Try using a little bit of that Toy Renewal Powder and FleshWash offered by the manufacturer, just to keep your penis palace cleaned up and ready for the ball(s).
  • No Strings AttachedBoth Fleshlight and Kiiroo are willing to break of the engagement if anything bad should happen within the first year. Now that’s a prenup I can get behind.
  • Ground Control to Major TomShit got a little too intense for me, especially when I was still using the Fleshlight STU to make a point. Luckily, I was able to press the power button for a quick shut-off before I blew my load prematurely.

What’s more, nobody has to know you use this thing. Not only is the shipping process beyond discrete, but the website is as well. All your dirty laundry is kept hidden away with protected passwords and content encryption. It won’t even show up in your search history with the right settings in place. Trust me; I would know.

As for it being worth the money, I would have to agree at this point. Once an avid promoter of self-made sex servants, I have since wandered down the wayward path towards self-driven, scientifically developed, multi-faceted fuckery and there’s no turning back.

How Does It Measure Up?

According to all known comparisons, the Fleshlight  Launch measures up in ways that are much bigger than its somewhat off-putting size. For new toy noobs, this thing looks kind of scary. I get that. But imagine sitting down with your feet up and your hands resting behind your head, getting a fantastic blowjob that’s different every single time – tailored to your unique specifications using specially designed sleeve textures and literally thousands of free porn videos and webcam sessions. Top it all off with some 3D visuals using a pair of VR goggles and the real world no longer exists. Show me one DIY sex toy that can do that.

The Launch does have its limitations, however. For instance, it can only house full-sized Fleshlight masturbators (at least for now). Its battery needs to be recharged after each use, and it requires access to the modern-day power grid. So, if you’re living like a damn dirty hippie in the mountains trying to jerk it to some high-tech debauchery, you’re up Shit Creek without a paddle, sir. Enjoy your socks and potatoes, douchebag.

Maybe I’m coming off a bit too confident here, or maybe I can just recognize a good thing when I see it. Most full-sized Fleshlight models can handle a giant Johnson, and the Launch can handle any full-sized Fleshlight toy. I think they may be on to something here. Call me a skeptic . . .

What Will They Think of Next?

After falling head over heels in love with my toy, I revisited the manufacturer’s website to look for add-ons, accessories, and that sort of thing. Now, I use the Sleeve Warmer damn near every time I hit lift-off on my Launch. It makes a world of difference during a uniquely simulated experience and, since it’s not very expensive at all, I would highly suggest it.

You’ll want to pick up some water-based lube while you’re at it. This is not the kind of toy you want to use without it. Both Kiiroo and Fleshlight are notorious for handing out samples to their faithful customers, but you’ll get nothing of the sort with the Launch. Inside the relatively mundane looking container (I appreciated that subtle aspect, actually) are only the following 5 items:

  • The Fleshlight Launch powered by Kiiroo (well, duh)
  • An authenticity card for activating the 1-year limited manufacturer’s warranty
  • The appropriate charging implement – a universal USB cable
  • A system setup manual (don’t throw it away)
  • A toy instruction manual (I repeat. . .)

Simplicity wages war on complexity with the Fleshlight Kiiroo Launch, that’s for damn sure. I can’t fathom how the manufacturers could make this union any more streamlined and sexy. There’s a limit to the magic, right?

Then again, you’re talking to a former believer in the inherent quality of homemade sex toys. I used to seriously think they were just as good as this fine shit right here. I had to be out of my ever-loving mind.

For what it’s worth, I’m glad I finally bit the bullet and made an investment in myself for once. Big ticket items are never my favorite things to purchase, so it usually takes me a while to come around. This is especially true when we’re talking about buying secretive, non-essential, somewhat creepily perverted sex machines. At the same time, that sounds sexy as all get out to me.





The Last Word

Being prepared for the inevitable is one of the main lessons I learned from my experience with the Fleshlight Kiiroo Launch. Before all this, my biggest problems were getting a good fit and finding an acceptable texture. I sure am glad I grew the fuck up and joined the Big Leagues. Now my biggest problems are finding the time to use my Launch again and explaining to people why I’ve been in the house for so long. My friends still give me shit about my DIY days, most of them now envious of my sudden perverted prowess.

And while I’m not sure if Fleshlight or Kiiroo plan to introduce a new and improved Launch to the market anytime soon, I’ll be sure to keep my eyes peeled for it. I’m sure I’ll be the first in line when/if it’s released – cock and credit card in hand, mind open, and potatoes in the pot where they belong. After all, what good is your dick or money when you can’t use either of them to pleasure yourself? Back away from your pervy Pinterest page and follow me to the (Flesh)light.

Kiiroo Onyx 2 Review: An Improved Automatic Hands Free Masturbation Experience + 15% Off Coupon Code For Our Readers!

Getting a great blowjob is about as easy as getting a truck out of the mud, so when I started hearing about these new “automatic blowjob machines” I naturally had to know more. Most of the time, the only lip service I get is a bunch of complaints from my lover about headaches, numb jaws, and gag reflexes. I, for one, think it’s time for the madness to stop.

It used to be cool for me to jerk off in my room, but as a grown ass man, those days are long gone. Having tried my fair share of sex toys (including a couple from the Kiiroo brand), I knew that taking my chances on the Onyx 2 wouldn’t do me any harm. At the very least, it would end up collecting dust like all the other toys in my stash. Either way it ended up, I was damn near certain this thing was going to be a winner for the simple fact that it was willing to give me head on demand.

That’s not to say I haven’t ever gotten an authentic blowjob. In fact, I’m what you might call a connoisseur. I’ve also tried some of the other self-driven masturbation machines that are currently on the marker, and I have to admit that the Kiiroo Onyx 2 is probably  the best thing out there right now.

What Is the Onyx 2 Masturbator For Men?

This little magic machine is perhaps the sleekest and most compact male sex toy in the industry, not to mention it’s super sexy and ultra-lightweight.kiiroo onyx 2 review The Onyx 2 is a remake of the heavier original which was, in all fairness, just as amazing as its replacement. Having sustained minimal yet critical improvements, the updated version of Kiiroo’s finest fuck stick has been receiving rave reviews.

Perhaps the positive feedback can be attributed to the onslaught of fuckable features on this thing. First of all, it’s completely automatic (which means “hands-free” fun for everyone). The powerful motor provides a heavy-handed yet smooth thrust with every pulse, adaptable to your tastes using the ergonomically designed speed controls. The Onyx 2, just like its predecessor, is also compatible with other Kiiroo’s devices, as well we with the female version of the toy, the Pearl.

Furthermore, the entire Kiiroo lineup is made to connect with the brand’s exclusive online porno database – a freebie when you register your toy on their website. You can even register through an app on your phone, which doubles as a remote control and as your porn-watching sub-station. The Onyx 2 is made for both Mr. Solo Dolo and Mr. Party Pants, that’s the best way to describe it.

Onyx 2 Introductional Video



So What’s the Big Deal?

Unique for contemporary couple’s play, the Kiiroo Onyx 2 creates a bridge between lovers – even those at great distances. I had to deal with my mate being out of town for 8 weeks on account of a sick family member. If it weren’t for this toy, we might not be together today. When temptation hits, it’s difficult to remain faithful without some sort of release. The big deal is that the Onyx provides a safe outlet that can be either private or interactive.

Because it’s compatible with VR headsets such as Oculus rift, experiencing the predictable slide of the 10 pleasure rings remains pleasantly surprising even after extended use. I could control the content I was watching based on the model/porn star on camera, his/her position during play time, and their sexual interests or talents. Due to the ultra-realistic skin-like material of the sleeve insert (which, by the way, is pretty easy to remove and clean), the complete 3D virtual reality package comes to life as long as there’s plenty of lube.



A few more things before I move on to my product comparisons: The Onyx 2 is programmable, first of all. Did you hear what I said? It’s able to be programmed to record the real-time movements of your partner. So, not only can you fuck them from afar once, but you can also go back and relive the moment again and again. Furthermore, it’s compatible with the Fleshlight’s new Launch – a revolutionary, mechanized sex toy holder that we’ll talk more about later. If you ask me, that’s an enormous resume for a compact masturbator that only accommodates penises up to 9.5 inches.

How Does It Compare to Similar Models?

It’s not that there are a shit ton of gargantuan toys out there, especially not for men. I mean, most of the time, the popular toys are designed for average Joes anyway. The Kiiroo brand is famous for doing just that, although the Onyx 2 seems to be slightly larger without being cumbersome. The same could be said about its sister, the lady’s Pearl. Both toys are relatively decent in size, weight distribution, power strength, and battery life, albeit the Onyx 2 being the stronger performer of the two.

Aside from its familial competition, I couldn’t help myself but to compare it to a few of the other automatic blowjob machines that have happened to cross my path over the last few years. With that said, here is how I thought the Onyx 2 by Kiiroo measured up:

  • VS the AutoBlow 2

Just looking at these two side-by-side, it’s obvious which one is the better sex toy. The AutoBlow 2, albeit a serious contender in the sensations department, is lacking in appearance and performance when compared to the Onyx 2. The AutoBlow 2 can’t sync with Bluetooth, doesn’t do much in terms of long-distance couple’s play, and won’t let you have a virtual reality liaison with a model or porn star. It is, however, a nice toy to have laying around for those days when you feel like less is more.

  • VS the SayberX

Th SayberX may very well be the closest thing to the Onyx 2 on the market to date. It’s similarly sleek and efficient, handheld and remote-controlled, powerful and well-made. The SayberX features numerous speed settings and some pretty amazing material on the sleeve, but it neither has downloadable porn content nor features any special connectivity with other toys or accessories. As a stand-alone sex toy, this one is a reliable and durable mainstay. However, when it gets compared to the Onyx 2, it doesn’t hold a candle.

The only toy in my humble comparison to give the Onyx 2 a real run for its money was the Fleshlight

Fleshlight Launch Stamina Training Pack Helps You Last Longer In Bed

Launch – an insanely high-tech piece of mechanized marvelousness that syncs to Bluetooth, hooks up to VR goggles of all sorts, houses all kinds of Fleshlight and Kiiroo brand toys, features a self-driven mode with several customizable settings, and can go fully automatic for a hands-free extravaganza.

The only thing that the Onyx 2 has on the Launch is that it’s far more compact and can handle some serious wear-and-tear. Still, the Onyx2 needs a little guidance while the Launch works without any supervision; the Onyx 2 makes that telltale sound while the Launch never kisses and tells. Both can handle long-distance love-making and the two also work in tandem with one another, so I actually recommend a package deal here if you know what’s good for you.


What’s the Catch? – CONS

Well, I should be the first to break it to you: This son of a bitch sounds like a lawnmower when you turn it on to full power. The porn content is somewhat limited based on my experience, and the customer service for the site leaves much to be desired. There aren’t many “real” porn stars in the brand’s exclusive content library either, which isn’t too bad considering that many of their models are top-notch, hot and bothered, and ready to go at a moment’s notice.

Some of the content isn’t free, however, so just keep in mind that the Onyx2 was initially designed for long-distance couple’s play, not virtual reality fantasy fulfillment. Although it does link up easily with most Bluetooth compatible devices, frequent updates are required to keep everything working smoothly. And trust me; you’ll want to take the time for every update available, or else you could end up “buffering” in the worst way possible.

Why Is It Worth My Money? – PROS

At first, I was afraid; I was petrified – kept thinking I could never live with something priced so high. Then I got used to the revolutionary design of this toy and I stopped being a scared little bitch about advanced technology. We’ve all been joking with the boys for years about how cool it would be to do “this” or “that” with our dicks, partners, and strangers. Now is the time to embrace the intimate innovations that modern science has given us. The future is now; that’s why it’s worth your money.

You don’t want to say you were the last dumbass to throw a couple hundred dollars at a machine that sucked your dick for you, do you? When everyone else is sitting pretty in their living rooms waxing it to VR porn, you’ll be jizzing into an old sock before crying yourself to sleep. Try to remember that the sleeve can be removed and used on the Fleshlight sleeve warmer to make shit even more realistic. I’m just saying. . .I’m not only a fuckaholic, I’m also a psychic.

Need more proof? There are several well-appointed attachments available for the Onyx 2 (and for all the Kiiroo brand toys for that matter). More accurately referred to as an “all-inclusive” sex machine, this toy’s manufacturer offers either a “Couple’s Play Set” or a “Solo Play Kit” add-on when you buy it. Intelligently designed and easy to maneuver, this beast requires only a few hours (4-5) of charge before yankin’ your crank and only about an hour of charge every time thereafter. Not bad for a machine that runs on cum.

Here’s what you get for your money:

  • The Kiiroo Onyx 2
  • A micro-USB charging cable
  • A sturdy storage container
  • An authentication card, with a promo code for free shit
  • An online user’s manual guidebook
  • A sample of some water-based lubricant to get you started

I should also mention something that even I didn’t realize until way late in the game. The sleeve of the Onyx 2 is reversible. It can be turned inside out to reveal a whole new texture; can you believe that shit? I don’t know why nobody told me, but I’m telling you. That’s like getting two toys for the price of one.






The Last Word

DISCLAIMER: Zero fucks were given in the making of this review on the Onyx 2 automatic blowjob machine. I don’t give a shit if they sell a single unit. I care about cumming, plain and simple. If you know what the fuck I’m talking about, trust me when I say that this bastard is well worth the money, even if you never buy a single accessory.

Innovative and versatile, the newest invention from the Kiiroo brand took me by surprise. At first glance, it looks more inconspicuous than the relatively well-known yet still somehow discreet Fleshlight design. In fact, I hear that most people who have tried a Fleshlight and an Onyx say that both are the tits, with the two feeling relatively similar and even interchangeable when used with the Launch. It’s safe to say that there’s already a fan following with this little fucker.

In my experience, any new or innovative toy to reach the market ends up being fraught with minor design flaws. It seems, however, that the Kiiroo brand has taken every effort to weed those out with their new and improved model. Although the original and the updated versions look, feel, and operate quite similarly, the subtle changes can be felt mind-stroke when that super-smooth motor goes full throttle. It will be interesting to see if the manufacturer introduces an Onyx 3 to the market. If so, I’ll be there to keep it real with you motherfuckers again. You can get more information or buy the Onyx 2 at their official website.