In a world ravaged by pestilence, famine, and war, the size of a man’s penis still seems to raise more concern. These days, tiny dicks get no love. As a result, literally hundreds of so-called miracle working penis enlargement devices have been developed. But, as any idiot could surmise, they call can’t be as amazing as they claim. I sought out to make some sense of the mess.
Almost every single penis pump, enlargement cream, or wonder pill I came across promised the same thing. They were all “scientifically formulated” or “fast-acting” or even “guaranteed.” However, my experience was something entirely different most of the time. I found myself overworked, underwhelmed, and beside myself with anger and resentment because I fell for the bullshit. Luckily, I eventually realized that it doesn’t have to stay that way.
After all, the manufacturers of these cock suckers can’t keep selling their products if they don’t work, right? Wrong. It turns out that all a penis enlargement product needs to accomplish is a miniscule amount of growth, and by “miniscule” I mean “not even goddamn noticeable.” In fact, many of the industry’s most popular dick-thickeners aren’t even FDA approved, nor do they have many good reviews. It’s time for the madness to end.
I, for one, am a cock connoisseur. I can tell a good one from a mile away, but that doesn’t mean size and girth aren’t an issue. I understand the immense pressure modern men are under to have massive dongs and unstoppable stamina. These hoes want fucked by King Kong, I reckon. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. So, even if you have a relatively decent shlong, it’s probably still a good idea to push the envelope on this one. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.
In your search for some fine-fangled fuckery, you’ll likely have the same luck as me – sifting through dozens of products before either settling on something that’s not a 100% piece of shit or giving up completely. Luckily, I stumbled across SizeGenetics before all hope was lost. And while it’s not the perfect penis pump, it’s a whole hell of a lot more promising than anything else I’ve tried so far.
What Is SizeGenetics?
This masterpiece of penis piquing was originally introduced to the public back in 1996. Since then, the manufacturer has undergone extensive research in the field of sexual health and performance improvement. Supposedly, their findings led to numerous product improvements, leading to the now uber-popular penis extender that’s become the inspiration for this review.
Classified as a medical device, the SizeGenetics penis enlargement system uses a proven traction technique to noticeably increase the length and girth of your shaft. Used over a fixed period of time, this Class 1 apparatus is marketed as not only completely safe but also highly effective. It’s made from medical-grade materials and features medical-grade hardware. So basically, it’s just what the doctor ordered (without him or her actually prescribing anything).
This expertly crafted cock rocket is supposed to do more than just make the family jewels more robust. The manufacturer states that the unique methods used by the device can also increase sexual stamina, improve self-esteem, and be used as a treatment for Peyronie’s disease – a condition more commonly known as “curvature of the penis.” Put simply, this product is unlike the others in that its state-of-the-art and multi-functional.
The Main Features
The makers of SizeGenetics spared no expense when designing their love child. While most of the other penis extending products almost require a degree in engineering to maneuver, the SizeGenetics contraption is relatively easy to use. There are no special skills required and you don’t have to call for help to strap it on. Perhaps best of all is that’s comparably comfortable to wear and it’s pretty much invisible under loose fitting clothes.
This unique system is comprised of two separate elements which work in tandem to create visible results. The device itself, which represents the bulk of the system, is said to guarantee a whopping 30% increase in penis thickness and length. However, the effectiveness of the SizeGenetics apparatus is wholly contingent upon the second element of the system: the exercise program from PenisHealth.com.
Together, the two elements can work some serious wonders on a man’s junk in about 24-28 weeks (6-7 months). And while that may not seem like a very time-sensitive solution, I’d like to remind my readers that quick fixes seldom work, and they never have long-lasting results if they do. Personally, investing in the quality of my most precious member is what I believe is wiser, even if that investment is time. After buying the SizeGenetics system, there are few future investments to make.
Purchasing this product gives you automatic full-frontal access to the manufacturer’s Member’s Only club. There, you can watch instructional videos and strategic exercise routines while chatting with other members and being privy to quick access to customer service agents. To be frank, I’m just happy to see men’s sexual health being taken so seriously. It’s about goddamn time.
The Nitty Gritty
I keep throwing around words like “Peyronie’s disease” and “traction technique” and “strategic exercise,” but what in the hell does any of that mean? I like to be clear and concise, but I can also appreciate cool and casual, especially when it comes to this kind of shit. Keep in mind, however, that the SizeGenetics system is scientifically inspired. There’s only so much dumbing down I can do here; hang in there.
Getting down to the nitty gritty of this product, these are the top 5 things I think everyone should know:
That process is repeated throughout the course of using the SizeGenetics system, both because of the device itself and because of the exercise program that comes with it. In tandem, the two elements force the penis to grow at a rate that is contingent with your body’s health and capacity. That’s the only disclaimer: you’ve got to be in decent health to fully enjoy the benefits of this product.
A healthy dick is a hefty dick, and you know what that means. You don’t? It means that the quality of your penile circulation is just as important as the quality of the traction you apply. Poor circulation can wreak havoc on your penis enlargement plans. Don’t take my word for it though. I’m not a doctor; I just play one on TV.
The One Thing
Whether we’re talking about penis extenders or automatic blowjob machines, every product has that one thing which makes it stand out from the crowd. It’s a certain “je ne sais quoi” that each one possesses, and I like to stalk it, make it my bitch, and then tell the whole school. When it comes to this high-dollar SizeGenetics shit, I’d say the glaring difference is in the way the device is designed.
Because of the manufacturer’s use of what’s known as MDA Technology, or Multi-Directional Angling, this fancy son of a bitch can be worn in 16 different ways. That means men of all shapes and sizes can explore what this bastard has to offer, even if they’re out in public. When I wore it, it took me about 30 minutes to get used to. After that, the fluidity and functionality of the device made it both undetectable and unobtrusive.
Along my trip down the winding road of dickish delights, I’ve noticed that some penis extenders can hurt a little bit. As for the SizeGenetics system, it’s relatively comfortable. Don’t let people lie to you though; this thing has a presence. You’re going to feel a little pressure and you may have to adjust the way you sit. That’s the point though, isn’t it Sherlock?
Like all penis extenders, this one requires some assembly as well. Because the majority of penis enlargement product makers try to create universal items that are suitable for men of all sizes, it’s common for an extender system to come in several individual parts which need to be connected. While that can be discouraging to some dudes, I rose to challenge and assembled my shit in 5 minutes flat.
The SizeGenetics system comes with the following 5 parts. All of them are equally important, so strap in (or on) while I drop some knowledge:
This silicon component is a common part found in penis extenders and is used as a rope to hold the penis in place. It is attached to the head of your dick to create an upward force which substantiates a constant adherence. In other words, it pulls your dick up by its head and holds it there.
This vital part is designed for versatility and comfort. It gives you a ghost hitter in the “keep your dick in place” game. The apparatus gives your dick a firm grip on reality while subduing it with some tough love in the form of traction.
Being caught slippin’ is for the narrow-minded and unprepared. The essential head grip component that comes standard with the SizeGenetics system is somewhat revolutionary on its own. It singlehandedly maximizes the device’s benefit by preventing most slippage from occurring, promoting secured and constant traction on the penis.
This innocuous part has an important job. It adds much-needed padding for your Johnson while you wear the device, preventing chaffing, irritation, and discomfort. I felt like the Protection Pad made one hell of a difference, and I don’t suggest using this product without it.
This bitchin’ body part of the SizeGenetics system is perhaps my favorite of the 5 components because it’s so ingenious. It creates a barrier between the dick and the device without the use of cumbersome padding which may reduce the effectiveness of the traction. In short, this little bugger is a buffer of the best kind.
(YO: This part is made of latex, and that can exacerbate allergies and/or cause some pretty nasty skin irritations. Call your doctor if you develop a rash, and do it before you make an ass out of yourself in front of your partner.)
I suggest looking at each part individually before attempting to assemble your device. And since each one comes with instructions for users to gain access to the online database where instructional videos can be found, I would go a step further and say that it’s best to familiarize yourself with the product before strapping it to your most prized possession.
The Advice from a Stranger
You don’t know me and wouldn’t recognize me on the streets. You’ve never met me, and you probably never will. I am a complete stranger talking to you openly about dicks, pussies, and assholes. That’s not creepy at all. So here, let me give you some advice about using a penis extender. It’s the way nature would have intended it.
Below are my favorite tips and tricks for using the SizeGenetics device. Take it or leave it; I’m going to share it with you anyway:
It’s no secret that individual results vary no matter what product we’re talking about, but the SizeGenetics system has been getting a lot of positive feedback. Plastic surgeons, surgical specialists, sexual and reproductive experts, and other medical professionals are among the most vocal in terms of supporting the device. Hailed as a safe, natural, and effective mechanism, this product got my attention because of its high-grade manufacturing, versatile design, and high-profile backing (namely by the FDA).
Overall, the SizeGenetics device is an attention-getting product from a well-known and respected manufacturer. It’s currently FDA approved, supported by industry professionals, and receiving rave reviews (like this one). However, like all products on the modern market, there’s bound to be a flaw. I consider it my job to be the asshole who discovers it.
Let me back up the train a bit and begin by whispering sweet nothings into your ears about the benefits of using SizeGenetics. Running the risk of sounding like a cheerleader for this bullshit scares the hell out of me. I pride myself on being object, and I have a rep to protect. Forgive me as I gush:
Obviously, there are more perks to using this device than there are drawbacks, but the final call is up to you. I couldn’t care less about this brand’s sales or success. I just want a big fat dick and I don’t care about feelings. That shit is for tiny dicked pricks and that ain’t me.
The Bells and Whistles
Little did I know when I first came across the SizeGenetics bullshit that this thing came in 3 different models. The company doesn’t advertise much, and I was lazy. Either way, I found out that each option is uniquely created to accomplish a specific goal. Had I known that, it probably wouldn’t have taken me this long to write my review. Then again, I wouldn’t have received an incredible education on the product by fumbling my way to the discovery of that little fun fact.
So, it now becomes my responsibly to make sure you guys don’t fall into the same trap. This device can change your life if you use the right one and follow the directions closely. I know; I ended up trying all three before settling on my favorite version. Let’s hope you don’t make the same mistake.
Below are the 3 different model options offered by the manufacturer:
Out of the three different models, the Ultimate System is the top dog. It features the following:
This version is obviously the most expensive of the three, but there’s clearly a good reason for that. Spend your money wisely, folks. You get what you pay for.
As the second most expensive version of the SizeGenetics system, the classic Comfort package features the following:
There’s a good reason the Comfort Package is the best-selling version of the lineup. I like to think of it as the Goldilocks of the brand, but you don’t have to be as lame as me.
Without all the features found on the more expensive models, this option has the bare necessities for proper penis enlargement. Effective yet economical, this edition comes with the following items:
While the Base Edition isn’t anything fancy and may require some getting used to due to its lack of comfort pads and versatility, it’s still a great product with lots of potential when it’s used with respect.
The Buying Guide
When choosing between the above-mentioned models, I suggest having a firm grip on something more than just your dick. None of the options are cheap, so making a hasty decision might get you fucked up. Trust me; it’s in your best interest to at least skim through the following buying guide.
If you’re going to spend money on anything from the SizeGenetics lineup, be sure to consider these product properties. By thinking about how each one might affect your penis-growing success, you’ll stand a much better chance of picking the one that’s best suited for your unique family jewels. Understand your individual needs, and then compare those needs to the following 5 penis extender qualities that I find to be most important in any buying decision:
I don’t care what a stripper tells you; size matters. The penis extender you choose should expand to accommodate your dick with ease while still being taunt enough to do its job. Most extenders are adjustable or at least come in varying sizes. However, you may be required to pay a little more for an extremely large or small contraption. Just consider it a perfect penis tax.
TIP: The Base Edition is the least expensive, fully adjustable device in the lineup.
Considering you’re going to be wearing your penis extender for hours on end, it’s important for the model you choose to be durable enough to take a beating. The SizeGenetics lineup is made from high-end materials with a quality than can be felt immediately. Still, the lower-end models offered by the brand aren’t as robust and may be subject to breaking if the wearer isn’t careful. I suggest simply reading and following the usage instructions that come with each model.
Tip: The Comfort Package features a design that gives it more strength against wear and tear.
Wearing a penis extender for long periods of time can begin to wear on a guy, even if the device is perfectly sized and made from high grade materials. The fact of the matter is that strategically placed padding and an overall ergonomic design are essential for penis extenders. SizeGenetics tend to be considered among the most comfortable enlargement tools in the industry, but individual results may vary.
TIP: The Ultimate System wins the race on this one because it has so many user-friendly bells and whistles.
At the end of the day, few things matter more than the efficacy of the product you’ve spent money on. This isn’t a popularity contest after all. If you’re anything like me, you want to stop fucking around with pieces of shit and start using something from the big leagues.
TIP: I found that all three models are highly effective at extending the penis and improving sex when they’re used as directed.
Yes, most people aren’t rich bitches who can throw hundreds of dollars on a penis extending device. I get that. On the same token, I also understand the concept that consumers get what they pay for. When it comes to SizeGenetics, the amount of money you’re willing to pay determines the quality and efficacy of your experience. As such, my suggestion is (and always will be) to go big or go home.
TIP: The Ultimate System is obviously the most expensive model in the lineup, with the Base Edition being the cheapest and the Comfort Package being in an ironically appeasing middle spot.
Keep in mind that every dude won’t get the same results. Also note that researchers have shown the correlation between cardiovascular health and sexual function. Penis extenders are not a remedy for erectile dysfunction nor do they promise to make you great in bed. Their primary function is to enlarge your dick; you’ve got to learn what to do with it. Remember though, the Ultimate System comes with 2 sweet ass e-books – one of which is called “The Secrets of Seduction.”
Overall, it’s my opinion is that the SizeGenetics devices are setting the bar for modern-day penis extenders. Although at first glance the price tag might scare some men off, I personally believe the effectiveness of the technique and design make it well worth the money. Coming in as one of the industry’s leading penis extending products, the relative cost is still less than the price of miracle pills, magic topical treatments, and prayer.
Of course, you can’t hope your way into a bigger dick. At some point, you’ll have to do something about it. If you want a heftier hamster, you’ll eventually have to fork over the cash. Nothing in life is free, but if you’re going to spend money it shouldn’t be a waste. I wouldn’t stop you from making this purchase if I were standing close to you.
In fact, I would likely urge you to go middle-of-the-road with it and buy the Comfort Package – SizeGenetics’ goldilocks product that’s most suitable for the average Joe. Most men don’t need a book to tell them how to be seductive nor do we want a shit ton of extra parts to keep track of. Furthermore, the price gap between the Comfort Package and the Ultimate System is pretty significant yet not necessary to achieve noticeable results. The SizeGenetics penis extending lineup gets an overall score of 9.5 out of 10, but that’s just because I’m an asshole who doesn’t give out straight A’s.