In a major security slip up at Astroglide, personal information for 250,000 customers who ordered lube online was made available on Google, including individuals' names, addresses and the type of product they purchased. If you're one of the unfortunate folks who were exposed, you can avoid potential embarrassment with this handy list of plausible excuses for why you need lube:

1. You're moonlighting as a gynecologist
    
2. Mistook "Luscious Strawberry" Gel for a low-fat dessert
    
3. You hate the smell of WD-40
    
4. You use that lube that warms up to prevent frostbite during camping trips
    
5. "Oh, you mean that wasn't hair gel?"
    
6. You're staging a K-Y wrestling tournament
    
7. Thought "Silken Secret" was a new women's deodorant
    
8. Erases wrinkles better than expensive moisturizing creams
    
9. Helps get tight rings off your fingers
    
10. Gives your bowling ball more spin
     
11. You read in Martha Stewart that it was good for polishing silver and removing fabric stains
     
12. A bottle in the tank every 25,000 miles improves mileage and reduces engine wear and tear
     
13. Fixes squeaky door and cabinet hinges
     
14. Makes your floors and woodwork shine
     
15. You're making a Slime Monster costume for Halloween
     
16. Thickens sauces without adding a lot of carbs
     
17. Soothes summer sunburns
     
18. Makes your snowboard fly on the powder
     
19. Keeps zippers and locks from sticking
     
20. Gel shoe sole inserts needed a refill
     
21. You're getting 30 yards of plastic sheeting and making a giant Slip 'n' Slide
     
22. Helps you squeeze into those Size 4 jeans
     
23. Keeps cookies from sticking to the pan
     
24. Makes heavy furniture easy to move
     
25. You apply it to the gutter downspouts so burglars can't climb in
     
26. Repels mosquitoes better than that Avon "Skin So Soft" stuff
     
27. Makes your leather bondage gear glossy and supple
     
28. You grease your bike chain with it so you won't get black marks on your leg
     
29. Global warming is just making EVERYTHING parched
     
30. Chafing sucks
    
    Bonus Reader Submissions:
     
31. I use it to help Santa out of chimney's when he gets stuck
     
32. Last ditch effort to keep the damn squirrels out of the birdfeeder.
     
33. Less messy than water for Slip 'n Slide games in the dorm halls
     
34. She doesn't like the way her spit smells.
     
35. I used it to take my wedding band off before having dinner with my secretary.
     
36. Its good for shining up my glass eyeball
     
37. My skin gets raw from the friction of pursuing my dreams.
     
38. My dog prefers it to peanut butter
     
39. Not sure what this is, but my husband said it would "open new doors in our relationship."