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|Step 1: Get a melon and scoop out a hole|
|Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you’re making sex toys not digging ditches.|
|Step 2: Nuke it good|
|Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.|
|Step 3: Ahhhhh!|
|A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the “vagina.” Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!|
|Next Toy >>|
There’s something about an Atari 2600 that makes you feel warm and tingly all over. If you want to bring those feelings to the ultimate climax, follow these instructions to make a vibrator out of your Atari controller.
We found a small, inexpensive and self-contained bullet vibrator that fit perfectly inside the case and whose switch happened to be very compatible with the button on the Atari 2600 controller. With a little wire, solder, and basic materials, you can build one of these units yourself and put even more joy in your joystick.
Materials and tools
- Atari 2600 joystick controller
- 1 self-contained silver bullet miniature vibrator with click switch
- 3 AG13 button cell batteries (these should come with the vibrator)
- Dremel tool with small saw and/or small grinder/sander attachments
- 22-gauge stranded connector wire
- Solder and soldering iron
- 1 battery contact (scavenged from another broken vibrator)
- Silicone household sealant
- Thin cardboard
- Wire cutter and wire stripping tool
- Scissors and Utility knife
Step 1: Disassembly
Remove the four screws from the base of the controller and open the case. Set aside the screws and the small spring that encircles the center post of the controller button. After removing the top of the joystick, pull the circuit board free and clip the wires leading to the outgoing jack. Extract the cord from the case and discard it and the circuit board, or save for other projects.
Step 2: Modifying the bottom of the caseThe top part of the vibrator, which houses the switch, needs to be seated directly below the controller button, so this corner of the case must be cleared.
Use the Dremel tool with the small saw attachment to cut down the center support post that is located under the button and cut out a section of the strut of plastic on the floor of the case next to it to make enough room for the vibrator top.
Make your cuts flush with the bottom of the case so the vibrator switch will sit flat. (If you don’t have a saw attachment, you can use a grinder for most of these modifications, although it will have to be small to get into some tight corners.)
The side of the screw housing (to the upper left of the support post in the photo) needs to be cut away to allow the vibrator switch to be centered beneath the controller button. Through trial and error, we ended up cutting about 2mm vertically off the side of the housing, all the way to the base.
Be sure not to cut all the way through the housing to the center hole, as this may compromise the integrity of the case.This is a tight corner, so use a light touch with the saw, otherwise you could end up unintentionally hacking up the inside of the case or cutting through the side or bottom of the case.
Sand all surfaces reasonably smooth with the Dremel grinding/sanding tip. The most important thing is that the bottom of the case where the vibrator switch will be seated is smooth, level, and free of burrs or irregularities.
The switch has to line up and be centered, so a small flaw can put it out of whack.Use the Dremel saw to saw off the tip of the support post in the very center of the bottom of the case. Four or five millimeters is probably enough. The cut should go straight across, providing a flat surface to support the battery contact, but it doesn’t have to be perfectly level.
The support post is surrounded by vertical struts. Cut a couple of these away to form a flat vertical surface to rest the wire/battery contact against.
Step 3: Modifying the top of the joystick
Now that you’ve made room for the switch, you’ll make room for the body of the vibrator. Remove the white plastic toggle from the inside of the joystick. It should pull out easily. Using the Dremel saw, cut all the way through the toggle about 1cm above where the vertical ribs start.
You should be left with a piece about 5cm or 2 inches long. Reinsert it into the rubber joystick housing. The vibrator will be pushed up into the space beneath it.
While we’re working on the top half of the case, you’ll also need to trim about 2mm all the way around the edge of the cylinder that the controller push button slides through when it’s in place.
The bottom edge of the cylinder needs to be shaved down so the push button can rest up a little higher when it’s on top of the vibrator switch, which you’re going to be positioning underneath it.
Use the Dremel to take off about 2mm, and make sure it’s level by reinserting the push button and seeing that the lower lip is flush all the way around.
Step 4: Prepping the vibrator
Open up the vibrator and remove the top and discard the red plastic protective strip (if it has one this is to keep the vibrator from being accidentally activated before purchase) and remove and discard the small black rubber O ring on at the base of the screw threads.
On the inside of the lid, locate the positive battery contact (the metal prong in the center). On the body of the vibrator, locate the negative battery contact (the metal strip coming up the inside of the case and peeking up just above the batteries.
Before you start soldering, you’ll need to do some prep work on the vibrator top (the switch housing). Turn it upside down to expose the battery contact and switch circuitry and use the Dremel saw or cutting tool to make two small notches in the rim of the vibrator case.
The connector wires are going to be going through these notches, so make sure they’re wide enough and deep enough that this part can sit flat on the bottom of the controller case with the wires in the grooves. (Although the vibrator case looks metallic, it’s actually plastic and cuts quite easily.)
Make one notch so it lines up with one end of the positive battery contact and the other notch in line with one of the small brass grommets 90 degrees on either side. (See photo)
Step 5: Wiring it up
Solder the negative lead wire to the negative contact on the body of the vibrator. Use a length of wire at least 6 inches.
Make sure that the bead of solder is on the outside of the case; if it’s on the inside of the case, it may interfere with changing the vibrator batteries in the future.
Take the free end of the negative lead wire, bend the exposed wire to a 90 degree angle and insert it directly into one of the brass grommets on either side of the positive battery contact on the inside of the vibrator lid.
Rest the insulated portion of the wire in the notch in the side of the case. (We recommend securing the wire in the notch at this point with a small dab of silicone sealant. Make sure you don’t get any on the contact or exposed wire itself, as this could mess with the conductivity.
Let it set just enough to hold before soldering.) Apply a small bead of solder to secure the end of the lead wire. Try not to melt the circuit board or the vibrator case (it is made out of plastic, after all).
Solder a battery contact onto one end of your positive lead wire (again, use at least 6 inches or more to give yourself room to maneuver), then solder the other end directly onto the positive battery contact, first lining the wire up so it rests in the corresponding notch in the lid.
Leave the end with the battery contact free for now.You now have the two ends of the negative contacts soldered into place, and one end of the positive lead soldered with the positive battery contact free.
You can test the circuit by pressing the positive battery contact against the batteries in the case (be sure it contacts the batteries only, and not the rim of the vibrator case, as this also completes a circuit and will turn the vibrator on). If you click the vibrator switch on and off, it should work.
Step 6: Putting in the vibrator
It’s time to start assembling the joystick vibrator. Get the silicone sealant and squirt a generous amount around the inside of the joystick shaft, around the top of the where the folds in the rubber begin.
Make sure you’ve already reinserted the cut toggle piece before you apply the glue. Insert the tip of the vibrator body and push it up slightly into the shaft of the joystick.
Keep this piece inverted while it dries (we set ours upside down inside a drinking glass). Support the attached wires and parts as necessary so the vibrator doesn’t get pulled out of upright position.
Step 7: Positioning the switch
Once the joystick dries, you can think about getting the switch into position. First, use the utility knife to cut away the rubber covering over the vibrator click switch.
This will reveal a small, square plastic post inside. Take the spring from the original orange controller button and slip it over the post. It fits very nicely and will keep the button lined up on top of the switch.Getting the switch positioned just right is a bit tricky, so do a test run first.
Put the switch in position in the corner of the case that you cleared out earlier. The wires should (obviously) be pointing out toward the center of the case. Make sure that the wires are situated in their notches and flush, and nothing else is impeding the switch sitting level on the bottom of the case.
Get all the wires inside the case so you’ll be able to close it. Don’t worry at this point about firing it up.Set the orange button on top of the switch by putting its center post into the top of the spring. It should stay in place, more or less.
Carefully set the upper half of the controller case on top of the bottom, positioning the vibrator/joystick over the center post and guiding the orange button into its cylinder, making sure it stays lined up with the vibrator switch and inside the spring.
Test the movement of the button by pressing and releasing it. If the controller button is lined up and able to move freely, the center post of the button should press down on the vibrator switch and engage and disengage it with each click.
If it isn’t lining up or is getting stuck, check to see if something is getting in the way of the vibrator switch centering beneath the button. If the button keeps getting stuck, or isn’t coming up all the way to release the switch, you may have to shave more off the bottom of the cylinder around it to give the button a greater range of vertical motion.
Once you’ve gotten the button and switch to line up so they work smoothly and reliably, you’ll need to glue the switch unit into place.
Squeeze out a circle of silicone sealant approximately where the switch is going to rest. Place the switch in the glue and press into position, then put the button on top of it and reassemble the case as you just did when you were testing it.
When you get the button and switch lined up so they work smoothly, put some pressure on the button (not too much or you’ll break the switch) and hold it in place long enough for the sealant to set. We suggest leaving the case together until the switch dries completely.
Step 8: The final contact
When the switch has dried, you can move on to securing the final piece of wiring, the positive battery contact. This will sit on top of the sawed-off center post in the middle of the controller case. Bend the battery contact at a 90 degree angle.
The end part should be as small as possible. This part is going on top of the post and will have contact with the batteries. The rest of the contact and the wire will lay vertically along the side of the post, against the flat surface on the side of the post where you whittled the ribs off.
Use a glob of silicone sealant on the top and side of the post to glue down the battery contact and wire. Set something on top of it if necessary to keep it in place while it dries.
Step 9: Case closed
After the glue has dried, make sure the top of the battery contact is clear and clean and if necessary, cut away any dry silicone residue that might be in the way.
In order to make sure the battery contact doesn’t accidentally touch the outside of the vibrator case (which would complete a circuit and turn it on unintentionally), we inserted a collar of thin cardboard around the inside of the battery chamber.
Now the case is ready to put together. Place the button in its cylinder in
the top of the case and hold it in place from the top as you guide its
post into place on top of the switch.
At the same time, position the body
of the vibrator (in the joystick) so it presses down onto the battery
contact in the center of the case.
Close the case completely and make sure
that the orange button is operating smoothly, turning the switch and the
vibrator on and off. Replace the four screws in the bottom of the case.The controller should be ready to fire up. Just press the button. We recommend covering the joystick with a condom if you intend to use it for vaginal or anal insertion.
Sex toys aren’t just for fun in the bedroom – they have many practical uses in your home and office. Here are a few suggestions for repurposing some of your favorites. Pull out those long forgotten toys and put them to work!
Protect your walls from unsightly marks. A silicone buttplug mounts easily on the baseboard and won’t mar the paint on your door.
Fake Pussy Beer Cozy
Slip a stretchy vagina masturbation toy over your bottle to keep your beer cold and your hands dry. Bonus: every time you take a swig, you get a faceful of pussy.
Rabbit Vibe Hand Blender
Use a Rabbit Vibe to mix up a single serving smoothie right in your glass. The rotating motion of the shaft blends the ingredients. Also works great mixing hot chocolate or pureeing cream soups.
Nipple Clamp Eyeglass Keepers
A practical fashion accessory for the naughty librarian in your life.
Double Penetrator Coat Hooks
Closet too small? Mount a DP dildo anywhere you need an extra place to hang coats or hats.
Handjob Candle Holder
Lifelike Cyberskin masturbators can make unique candleholders. These handjob simulators lend your décor a touch of the surreal, à la Jean Cocteau and the Addams Family.
Penis Extension Handlebar Grips
Worn out the handlebar grips on your bike? Soft, grippy Cyberskin penis extensions give your hands the ultimate cushioning against shocks and bumps while cycling. Feel pure comfort, not the road.
Anal Bead Dipstick
When your oil level gets down to the first two beads, it’s time to fill up on lube.
Car Vacuum/Blow Job Machine
Any mini-vac can hoover up the crumbs on your car upholstery, but this one will suck you dry too. Conveniently plugs into your car’s cigarette lighter.
Cock Ring Napkin Holder
A daring yet elegant look for your dinner table. Martha would approve.
Buttplug Drain Stopper
Rubber sink stoppers are always getting lost. Next time you need one, stuff a buttplug in the drain hole. Keep a variety of sizes on hand for your different drains.
Cock Ring Cable Keeper
Unruly computer cables? Snap this on and keep them subdued.
To keep an opened bottle of wine from going bad, stick a buttplug in the neck. A slender beginner’s model works best.
Double Dildo Keyboard Wrist Rest
Cushion your wrists and keep them in proper typing position by resting them on a soft jelly double dildo. Many different lengths are available to fit your keyboard size.
Fake Pussy Mouse Pad Wrist Rest
A velvety soft Cyberskin pussy can provide ergonomic support for your hand and wrist while mousing.
Make a Frozen Cock-sicle
Cool off by wrapping your lips around an icy dildo pop. Here’s how to make a reusable mold and create colorful cock-sicles in your favorite flavors.
- Small to medium sized dildo or butt plug (Silicone is best – other materials may react with the molding compound. Test by pressing a small bit of mixed silicone compound onto the dildo surface and letting it harden.)
- Food-grade silicone molding compound
- Lego blocks
- Wax paper
- Popsicle sticks
- Assorted flavors of Jell-O or Kool-Aid
Use Legos to construct a four-sided container for the mold. To determine the correct size for the container, place the base of the dildo against one of the inside walls. There should be at least ½ inch of space between the dildo and other inside walls all the way around. The bottom is supposed to be empty. Set it on top of a piece of wax paper.
Mix enough silicone molding compound to fill half of the mold container. Press it into the container, making sure there are no air bubbles.
Make sure the dildo or other toy is clean and dry with no dust or oils on it. Press the dildo into the molding compound until it is halfway submerged. Make sure the base is contacting one wall of the container, and the silicone is contacting the surface of the dildo evenly. Make a few small divots in the silicone around the dildo. These will help line up the two halves of the mold when they are put together. Allow the silicone to cure.
Coat the exposed surface of the silicone with a little vegetable oil or other release agent. This isn’t totally necessary but will make the mold halves easier to separate. Mix silicone compound for the second half of the mold and press it in to fill the rest of the container. Make sure the compound gets pressed tightly against the dildo and into the divots in the mold surface. Try to prevent bubbles and air pockets.
When the silicone is completely cured, disassemble the Lego container, separate the mold halves, and remove the dildo. Wash the mold out with soap and hot water before using.
The mold’s seam will need to be sealed to make it watertight. Mix up a little more silicone compound and use it like putty to seal all the way around the mold. After the silicone hardens, test the mold by filling it with water, and patch any leaks if necessary. (Modeling clay or a similar material might work also, but we wanted it to be watertight.)
For a single colored popsicle, prepare the desired liquid and pour into the mold, filling it almost to the top. Place in the freezer and let freeze until the liquid is slushy and partially frozen. Insert a popsicle stick, leaving a couple of inches exposed. Freeze until hard.
For a multi-colored popsicle, prepare the desired liquids and pour the first layer into the mold. Allow to freeze until solid, then pour in the second layer, freeze, and so on. The point at which you insert the popsicle stick will depend on how long your dildo is. When the level of liquid gets to within 2 inches of the top of the mold or higher, let it freeze to a semi-solid state and insert the stick. This should hold the stick in place while you pour the final layer(s).
In order to unmold the popsicle, the seal around the mold will need to be broken. Cut through it along the seam with a utility knife, being careful not to cut the original mold too much. Separate the mold halves.
To reuse the mold, wash both halves with soap and water and allow to dry. The seam will need to be resealed for each use.
You’d think certain items wouldn’t need a warning label that says “Not for rectal insertion”. Like light bulbs, or mayonnaise jars. Nevertheless, too many people get injured in sexual misadventures with common household objects. For example, that unfortunate couple who made headlines when the homemade sex-machine they fashioned from a dildo and a saber saw caused serious internal injuries. To save everyone discomfort, embarrassment, and a trip to the ER, here’s a list of a few things you should never use as homemade sex toys.
“Sucked Off” Should Just Be a Figure of Speech
That beckoning hose so enticing with the promise of the ultimate suck job. But a vacuum can do horrific damage, especially if it forms a seal around your junk. While it’s unlikely to hoover your cock off entirely, it may suck the skin off like a sausage casing. Many vacuum-related injuries are also caused by inserting the penis directly into the body of the vacuum, where it gets pulled into the fan blades or beater brushes.
Recycle Your Bottles – But Not as Sex Toys
Bottles, glasses, jars, test tubes, light bulbs, thermometers, Grandma’s crystal bud vase – all bad ideas. They can break, they can chip, they can get stuck all the way up your ass. Don’t stick your penis into a glass container, either. Ever suck on a bottle and get it stuck on your tongue? That can happen to your cock. Ceramics and porcelain go on the banned list for the same reasons.
They’ll Stick to Your Ribs
Never anally insert magnetic objects or anything containing a magnet that could dislodge and get loose. If multiple magnets are floating around in your colon, they can stick to each other and cause intestinal blockages or perforations that could be life-threatening. Kids have died from ingesting magnetic toy parts, so there’s good reason to think sticking them in the other end could have the same result.
Feel the Burn
A lot of people learn about this hazard the hard way, when they decide to spice things up by using Ben-Gay or hot sauce as lube to wank off. That pleasurable tingling quickly turns into slow burn that turns into a blistering rash and hours of agony. Even seemingly mild slippery substances like shampoo or dish soap can cause genital irritation. Also, don’t insert any bottles that contain harsh chemicals or scented products like deodorant, in case they leak or have residue on them.
What Would Your Shop Teacher Say?
Tools are not toys – especially not sex toys. Power tools are great for DIY home improvement – DIY sex toys, not so much. Please, do not try to convert your power drill into a sex machine by jamming a dildo over the bit. And don’t put a belt sander on your pubes. It only takes a second for a tragedy to occur. A very embarrassing tragedy.
Your Vagina Is Not a Balloon
If you’re just using it to blow up your sex doll, fine. But don’t stick the nozzle in your own holes. Besides the risk of exploding your colon, blowing air forcefully into the vagina or rectum can cause an embolism, an air bubble in the blood stream that can result in death.
Where’d the Rest of The Hot Dog Go?
Bananas, carrots, cucumbers, and sausages are all popular DIY dildos, but with any food item there’s a possibility that part of it could break off in your vagina or rectum and get stuck. For that reason, and for hygienic reasons as well, it’s best to put a condom over the item. Food items are not recommended for anal insertion in general. Once a lubed cucumber disappears up your butt, it can be difficult to get out.
Inserting Your Cock May Void the Warranty
You won’t do much damage with an electric toothbrush, but electric mixers, blenders, ice crushers, rotary fans, etc. are trouble (see the section on Power Tools). Don’t use anything that can heat up, like a curling iron or a lava lamp. Plug it in for a few seconds to “warm it up” and you could end up cooking your cooter.
Pieces of Wood
One Word: Splinters
Don’t use anything wooden, including mop handles, toilet plunger handles, wooden hairbrushes, pepper mills, wooden spoons, chair legs, and baseball bats. Even if it’s polished or varnished, the finish can chip or rub off, exposing the raw wood underneath.
Avoid Unintentional Piercings
Also chopsticks, pencils or pens, and basically anything with a point on it. Sharp objects can cause tissue damage and perforation when inserted. A surprising number of people derive pleasure from inserting long, thin objects into their urethras. This is very dangerous and can result in bladder injuries and urinary infections. And like Mom always said, you could put out an eye.