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Dick in a (Tissue) Box

You've seen the SNL video about the wonders of a dick in a box. Now we show you how to make that into reality with a lovable, discreet tissue box. This multipurpose masturbator not only gets you off, it also dispenses tissues for cleanup when you’re done.

Materials

  • Two identical regular size boxes of tissues (160 count)
  • One “taller” box of tissues (184 count)
  • Latex glove
  • Two rubber bands
  • Utility knife and scissors

To make this project, you need three boxes of tissues, two of them identical. Yeah, that’s a lot of tissues, but you need to stock up anyway.

Open the end flaps of one of the smaller boxes. Remove the tissues and set them aside. Cut the end flaps off the box.


Lay the larger box on its side and cut in it half lengthwise. Remove the tissues.


Take one of the box halves and cut about two inches off the end. Trace a circle large enough for your penis to fit through on the end of this and the other box half. Cut the circles out with the utility knife. The circles need to match up when you put them together.


Lay about half an inch of tissues down on the bottom of the half box. Insert the latex glove through the hole so the fingers are inside the box and an inch or two of the cuff is outside the hole. Roll up more tissues and pack them tightly around the glove till the box is full to the top.


Fit the end piece into the bottom box half and over the tissues. Match up the holes.


Stretch the cuff of the latex glove over the end of the box so that it holds both pieces together.


Put a rubber band around the box to hold the glove cuff in place, and another one on the other end to keep the tissues from falling out.


Turn the half box and tissues over, so the open part is facing down. Lay about an inch of tissues on the top of it. Carefully slide the half box and tissues into the first box, through the open end.


To camouflage your tissue box masturbator, make a false end by cutting about two inches off the end of the second regular-sized tissue box.


Fit this piece into the open end of the box to cover the hole. Because it’s getting pretty tight inside the main box, you may have to cut the bottom panel off the end cover so the sides have a little more give.


You now have what appears to be a functional tissue box. You can leave it sitting out in your bathroom or bedroom and unless they examine it closely, no one will be the wiser. Cover it with a tissue-box cozy for extra camouflage. Pull off the end when you want to use it, squirt in some lube, and yank a tissue out of the top to wipe up when you’re done.

 

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