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New Tiger Toys Have Major Wood

tigerwoods.jpgRight about on schedule, following the revelation of his extramarital dalliances and subsequent public apology, Tiger Woods has joined Sarah Palin among the ranks of celebrities immortalized as sex dolls.

Pipedreams has come out with a complete line of Tiger Woods sex toy products, including the Tuggin' Tiger Wind-Up, the Take-Home Tiger Love Doll , and the Tiger's Wood Cover 4-inch condom - complete with the requisite wood, iron, and hole jokes.

Well, given how Tiger's sexcapades have damaged his professional career, at least he still has *some* options left for product endorsements. We're waiting for Viagra to pick him up as a pitchman sometime soon.

10 Questionable Valentine's Sex Toy Gifts

Buying your sweetheart a sexy toy for Valentine's can be fun and romantic - as long as you don't buy the wrong thing. Here are a few "don'ts" to help you avoid a V-Day disaster.

1. Heart-Shaped Anal Beads

heartbeads2.jpgHearts are romantic. Unless they're going into your butt.



2. Oral Sex Mints
oralmints2.jpgNumbs the gag reflex while it freshens your breath. The passive-aggressive way of telling your mate, "I want you to blow me like a porn-star. And by the way, you have halitosis."



3. Anal Balloon Pump

balloon2.jpg
Your sweetheart wants a balloon bouquet, not a balloon in the tuckus.



4. Jawbreaker Ball Gag
jawbreaker1.jpgStick to a box of those chalky Valentine hearts.



5. Chocolate Clone-a-Pussy
chocopussy2.jpgNo, nimrod - you're supposed to get her a box of chocolates, not a kit to make her box into a chocolate bar.



6. Thigh Exerciser Sex Machine
thighmaster2.jpgAgain, as a gift, this sends the wrong message, i.e., "You have thunder thighs."



7. Mighty Merlin Dagger Dildo
merlin2.jpgIt's exactly what it looks like: an electric cattle prod.



8. Joy Finger
finger2.jpgThis would be more appropriate for a Halloween party than a Valentine's date.



9. Vibrating Pleasure Periscope
periscope2.jpgArrgh, matey - G-spot off the starboard bow!



10. Glass Heart Butt Plug
glassheart2.jpg"Oh, a beautiful crystal wine stopper. Wait, it goes where?"


Tickle Me Roxxy

Thumbnail image for fembot.jpgIf you thought that the RealDoll was the ultimate in realistic sex toys, a New Jersey toy company just upped the ante. Last weekend at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas marked the debut of Roxxxy, "the world's first sex robot".

Before you get too excited, Roxxxy will not be giving you the robotic hand job you're fantasizing about. She doesn't move at all. Not even her mouth.

She does talk, though, and thanks to a computer program, can actually learn to converse about your favorite subjects, like football, World of Warcraft, and Family Guy. (But still, she doesn't move her mouth while she's talking, which just adds to the creepiness factor.) You can also customize her personality, with choices ranging from a mature MILF to a kinky sex kitten. And she has touch sensors so she can respond with appropriate vocalizations when you engage her in various acts.

So, basically what you have here is the equivalent of a Furby or Tickle Me Elmo for lonely, pervy guys. Seems a bit silly? Well, we're not here to judge.

If you'd like your own inanimate girlfriend (or boyfriend) but don't have $9,000 to shell out, check out our tutorial on how to make a DIY Sex Doll.

Celebrate Hallow-Weenie With Glowing Sex Toys

glow_ghosts.jpg
Halloween's just around the corner, and while most folks are carving pumpkins and digging up their spooky decorations, we're bringing out our glow-in-the-dark sex toys to help set the mood. 

Most times of year, luminous dildos and such are just a curiosity. Yeah, it's easier to find them under the covers, but why would you want to get off with a green glowing vibrator?  But their eerie light is oddly appropriate for the season of ghosts and goblins.

glow_light.jpg

Glow-in-the-dark toys are a natural if you're going to a kinky Halloween-themed party, or if you have a sexy costume you want to accessorize. Zombie stripper? Alien sex fiend? Overly excited vampire?



glow_timelapse.jpg
Check out our feature on these erotic night lights. We've got some tips on how to use
them, comparisons of different glow-in-the-dark materials, time lapse photos showing how long the glow lasts, plus some other fun stuff.

Weird Toy of the Week: Wolfman Penis Extension

wolfman.JPG
Looking for the piece de resistance to complete your Wolverine costume this Halloween? Here ya go. This cock extender is a replica of a wolf penis. And damn if this thing isn't fearsome. Somebody's sure going to be howling at the moon.

Typical of canine phalluses, it features a large "knot" near the base. This is what keeps canine couples from separating during the mating process. Chances are if you send this one all the way home, you won't be going anywhere for a while either.

This toy is made of PVC, so it should be used with water-based lubricants only. And if you buy into werewolf lore, you should probably keep it away from anything silver too.

Weird Toy of the Week: Double Fister

doublefist.jpg

Talk about a one-two punch! If you find that one fist isn't doing it for you, get a two-fer with this toy.

We love the blasé tone of the description:

"This PVC double fist is a fairly standard double fisting device. It's firmly built, so you can ram it in hard. It has great attention to detail, all the way down to the fingernails. This is the perfect toy for all of your double fisting needs."

It's so important to get the right tool for the job.

The blurb for the Caucasian flesh-tone duo fist is even more enlightening: what we have here is actually a female fist followed by a male fist. Why it's important to specify the respective genders of the hands, we're not sure - maybe so users can feel secure in their bisexuality, or to offer something for everyone. Anyway, you can imagine yourself getting fisted by a couple while you use this thing. Since they're both right hand fists, it makes sense that they couldn't belong to the same person.

Weird Toy of the Week: Octopenis

octopenis.jpgWell, now we know what fucks an Octopussy. Or is this the monster that inseminated Octo Mom? The Octopenis simultaneously evokes Jules Verne, tentacle porn, Japanese woodcuts and netsuke, and Spongebob Squarepants.

Let's clarify: this dildo is not a representation of the actual penis of an octopus, although I'm sure there are folks out there who would be into that too. (Actually, the mating habits of octopi are very interesting. The male octopus' left third tentacle is its penis, which sometimes detaches after sex.)  The Octopenis is also not an eight-membered dildo, although that could make for some amazing group sex.

Rather, it's an octopus holding a penis, with the octopus' head standing in for the balls, and its tentacles wrapping around to form some hefty ridging on the already thick 7.5" shaft. If you don't mind a cephalopod staring into your crotch, go ahead and plumb your depths with this aquatic creature, while indulging in mermaid or Squiddly Diddly fantasies.   

Weird Toy of the Week: The Woody Cock Ring

woodyring.jpgEvery once in a while, you run across a sex toy that you just look at and think, "Where the heck do you put that?" The Woody Cock Ring is such a toy.

This one is hard to figure out without a diagram. First of all, the name is kind of misleading: it's not made of wood. (Yes, there actually are wooden cock rings.) Second - well, it sort of looks like an alligator's gaping jaws, or a creature out of a Tim Burton movie. How do you feel about putting your junk into something with teeth, even if they are made of soft PVC material?

Here's how it works: You slide your penis through the jaws of doom - through the back, so it's sticking out like a tongue. That circular part - you pull your nut sack through that. Once you penetrate your partner, those mandible-like parts splay and rub against the clit/vulva and perineum/anal areas -- assuming that your partner has a vagina, and that's what you're penetrating. It could probably work in other scenarios, but that's what it appears to be built for.
woodyringon.jpg
If you're looking for something different, here you go. We think it looks a little scary, on or off. 


About this Archive

This page is an archive of recent entries in the Wacked Toys category.

Tips is the previous category.

This is the blog for Homemade Sex Toys, delivering homemade sex toy projects to you for almost 10 years.

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