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Q&A: My Boyfriend Wants It in the Butt - Is He Gay?

strapon.jpgQ: My boyfriend told me that he wants me to do him with a strap on dildo. Does that mean he's gay, or will it turn him gay? If not, why would he want me to do that?

Just because your boyfriend is interested in being anally penetrated, that doesn't mean he's gay, or even bisexual necessarily. Many people associate anal sex with gay men, but a lot of straight men also enjoy anal stimulation and taking it in the booty.

Men actually have more of a reason to enjoy receiving anal sex than women, because of the position and sensitivity of the prostate gland (sometimes called the male G-spot). Stimulation of the prostate can produce more intense orgasms and ejaculations, which is why so many men like putting things up their butts, especially while masturbating.

You didn't know that? Well, it's true. Guys just don't talk about it and, well, it's not really something most men would readily admit to. For the more liberated fellows, there are a number of insertable toys that are designed especially for prostate stimulation, such as the Aneros line of products.

But back to your boyfriend. Don't worry - boinking him in the butt won't turn him gay. Actually it will probably make your relationship closer. Anal sex is a very intimate act; the person being penetrated is in a very vulnerable position. The fact that he asked for this shows he trusts you, not just in opening his backdoor for you, but just by being open about his desires.

If you decide to go ahead and give your boyfriend what he's asking for, my advice is to start out small and go easy on him at first. Get a harness and a dildo that's no more than an inch in diameter. These are often sold with a butt plug and other toys in "beginners' sets". You might want to get a book on anal sex - like Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin - and maybe check out the "Bend Over Boyfriend" series of videos.

Also, don't forget to get some lube. You'll need it!

Q&A: Can I Use Rubber Sex Toys If I'm Allergic to Latex?

glove.jpg Q: I have a latex allergy, so I can't use latex condoms, etc. But does that mean I can't use sex toys that are made out of any kind of rubber? What about cyberskin?

A: That is really inconvenient. Latex allergies are becoming increasingly common. Nobody knows what causes a latex allergy, but it's thought that prolonged or repeated exposure to latex may contribute. So if you're a healthcare worker, work in a condom factory, or have lots and lots of safe sex, you may be vulnerable.

Latex is the natural, plant-based form of rubber, and it is a specific protein in it that causes the allergic response. Most sex toys are made of synthetic rubbers and other elastomers that don't contain that allergen. Because of consumer health concerns about phthalates and other chemicals, many manufacturers and online sex toy stores are making a point of listing the materials that a toy is made out of. However, if it just says "rubber" and doesn't specify "latex free", you should probably play it safe and avoid it. Cyberskin and similar fleshy materials are latex free, as are silicone, vinyl, PVC, and polyurethane.

Another thing you could do, if you have a rubber toy and are concerned about a reaction, is to cover it with a condom (or, if you're a guy and it's a masturbation toy, cover yourself with a condom). You've probably already discovered polyurethane condoms as an alternative to latex condoms. But they're a little pricey to use for putting on toys. Polyisoprene condoms (Lifestyle Skyns) are cheaper, and you can use them in the rare event that you're allergic to polyurethane as well.

As far as materials you use to make your own sex toys, you'll have to do your own research to determine if something might contain latex, and find a suitable substitute if necessary. Some of the projects on our site use latex gloves, which can be replaced with nitrile gloves, or latex condoms, which can be replace with the above alternatives. For projects that use latex balloons, you might try those inflated plastic air pillows that are used for packing. It's all about creativity and ingenuity, and where there's a will, there's a way.

Q&A: Can I get addicted to my vibrator?

Can you get too much of a good thing? Think maybe you're getting spoiled by your vibrator? Or you're worried you might be burning out your clit with vibrator overload?

Some women have concerns about getting addicted to their vibrators - not in the sense of using them compulsively (masturbation addiction is a separate issue). They worry that they may become dependent on the vibrator for orgasms, and become unable to climax any other way.

A related vibrator fear is loss of sensation. Some women worry that using a vibrator regularly will cause their clitoris to become less sensitive over time, and eventually "ruin" it.

These fears are exaggerated but not entirely baseless. You can become habituated to any sort of stimulation if that's the only way you bring yourself to an orgasm. Your body and brain become accustomed to certain things, and it's hard to get them to switch gears and respond to other sensations and stimuli. That could make it harder to come during sex with a partner if you're not using sex toys.

It's also true that after you've gotten used to the strong stimulus of a vibrator, and have been using a vibrator frequently, manual or oral stimulation might not feel like that much to you, and it may seem that you've blown some nerve endings.

The good news is that all this is reversible. You and your vibrator just need to spend some time apart...and then maybe spend less time together while you switch off between different types of stimulation. Take a week or two off from masturbating altogether (if you can!). After a rest, your clit should feel wide awake, sensitive, and respond more easily to less stimuli, like your fingers.

It's easy to get used to the easy buzz and blast-off of a vibrator, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you're concerned that you're getting too reliant on your battery-powered buddy, try mixing things up a little. It'll always be there in the drawer if you need it.

FAQ: Since You Assed

Today we present an all-anal edition of Sex Toy Questions. Because we don't want you doing anything half-assed.
Q: As a guy, I have only just discovered the pleasure of a vibrator and have started to use one in my ass.  I have an important medical shortly for a work-related insurance policy.  When the doctor examines me, will he know I have been inserting a vibrator in my ass?

A: No, he won't be able to tell. When he inserts a gloved finger into your rectum, he's going to be checking your prostate for enlargement or lumps. Using a vibrator won't cause any changes in your prostate (in fact, it may make your prostate healthier!), and inserting a vibrator anally will not cause any changes in your rectal tissue or muscles. Unless you are unusually sore or inflamed, he won't be able to tell a thing.

Q: Can I insert an anal probe into my vagina?

A: Sure, there's no reason you can't use an anal toy for vaginal insertion. But be careful if it has previously been in your ass. If you are going to mix your anal and vaginal toys, you need to be scrupulous about hygiene. Wash everything with antibacterial soap and hot water, or boil them if they're silicone. If your anal probe is long and slender, use some care. The vaginal canal will stretch to accommodate depth, but sudden jabbing could cause internal bruises.

Q: G-spot vibrators and prostate vibrators seem to have some similarities in design. Can a G-spot vibrator be used on the prostate to achieve orgasm?

A: Absolutely. In fact, the prostate is sometimes referred to as "the male G-spot" (or the "P-spot"). Toys that are curved or have a bump designed to hit the G-spot can just as easily be inserted anally and used to put pressure on the prostate. G-spot toys tend to be a little bigger than prostate toys, so start out small if you're new to anal stimulation.

Q: How do you keep an anal toy from popping out while you're moving?

A: We assume you mean moving around in bed, not walking down the street. Either way, if you want an anal toy that stays put, you really need to get a butt plug, or something butt-plug shaped, with a bulbous body, a narrow neck, and a wide flange. A toy with the right shape should stay put by itself. For extra security, get a butt plug harness - a belt-like device that keeps the plug strapped in. If you're not doing anything too vigorous, try the wedgie method - insert the toy, put on a pair of tight undies, and pull them into your crack.

Q: Will anal beads get stuck in my ass?  Will I be able to get them out?

A: Anal beads and similarly constructed toys often have a pull ring on one end, so you can avoid losing them up there. If they don't have a ring or handle, don't insert the last bead or two, so you have something to grasp onto. If they do all go inside, don't panic. Just bear down and you will probably be able to push out at least one bead, then grab them from there.

What Made My Dildo Melt?

dali.jpg Q: I put a couple of my dildos in a box to store them, and now they are goopy and sticky and greasy-looking on the parts where they were touching. I know I put them away clean. What happened?

Uh-oh, dildo meltdown. Don't tell me, let me guess - one of those dildos was made of Cyberskin and the other one was some sort of rubber. The goopiness is a result of a chemical reaction between the two polymers where the dildos were touching. Lifelike Cyberskin materials will react with rubber and start to break down.

Rubber, vinyl, and regular silicone toys don't have this problem when stored together. Cyberskin toys should be stored separately, either in another box, or in Ziploc bags.  Actually, we recommend individually bagging all your toys. It's a great way to make sure they stay clean and free from dust and lint. Just make sure they have been thoroughly cleaned and dried. With Cyberskin toys, give them a dusting with cornstarch before tucking them in. Don't use talcum or baby powder; talc has been linked to ovarian cancer. 

Can I Catch Something from a Cucumber?


Q: If I put a banana or cucumber in my vagina, will I get an infection?

Anything you put in your vagina, if it has bacteria or other pathogens on it, can give you a vaginal infection. So before you insert an object vaginally, whether it's a piece of fruit, a dildo, or a hairbrush handle, wash it thoroughly with soap and hot water. If it's possible, boil it or run it through the dishwasher. Of course, you wouldn't want to do that with a cucumber. Also, don't put anything in the microwave to disinfect it - that could get messy.

Bananas are a slightly different story. Introducing something sugary into the vagina, like a peeled banana or other fruit, can be an invitation to a yeast infection. We recommend covering a banana or any other type of food with a condom. If you're into the messy aspect of using food for masturbation or sex play, or your partner wants to eat the banana out of your pussy or something, wash yourself off thoroughly right afterward, and make sure you clean any residue out of your vaginal canal.

So go ahead and play with your food, just keep it clean.

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This page is an archive of recent entries in the Sex Toy Questions category.

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