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Bed, Bath, and Beyond

ducksoap.jpgI saw a new sex toy today - a vibrator imbedded in a bar of soap. It got me thinking - first about our own soap masturbation toy, then about things people do in the bathroom.

Besides the bedroom, the bathroom is probably the next most popular room of the house for having sex and/or masturbating. It makes sense - some people can't get privacy anywhere else, you're usually at least partly undressed in there, and the running water makes for easy clean-up or disposal of evidence. And if you have a shower massager, sometimes the water is the best way to get off.

The other benefit of the bathroom is a ready supply of slippery substances to use as lubricants. But just because that lotion is safe to rub on your hands, it doesn't mean it won't irritate your johnson if you use it to jerk off.  Here are a few guideline for using toiletries as improvised lubricants.

For male masturbation:
  • Lotion is popular, but the fragrances may irritate your genitals, so use unscented if possible. If you do use scented lotion, wash it off afterwards.
  • Don't use your Axe body wash. Your junk will smell great, but your dick may get irritated and dry. Same goes for deodorant soaps, scented soaps, and shampoos.
  • Use at your own risk: toothpaste, Vicks, Gold Bond powder. It might seem exciting, but jerking off with Ben-Gay or Icy Hot will put you in a world of hurt.

For insertion (girls and guys):
  •  Again, stay away from scented products. Some unscented lotions or creams may be OK to use as lube, but they aren't meant for internal use, so use caution.
  • Soap or shampoo of any kind is not a good lube. It will irritate your vaginal or anal membranes.
  • Water-based lubricants will wash away in the shower, but you can use silicone-based lubes.
  • If someone gets you one of those penis-shaped soap-on-a-rope things, don't use it as a dildo. It will smart.

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

You know what they say about imitation. However, “flattered” doesn’t completely describe the feeling you get when you see someone else selling a dead ringer for one of your creations.


On the left you see our Thigh Exerciser Sex Toy, which we posted in January 2008 (see our writeup on Gizmodo). On the right is the Uniram Sex Machine, which we just discovered the other day, but which seems to have come out sometime in mid-2009.

Granted, we can’t claim that our idea was wholly original. Others have combined exercise equipment and sex toys, such as this “Personal Exercise System” that we included in our feature on Sex Toy Patents.

exercise.jpgMaybe we should have filed a patent for our device, but we’re not in the business of producing toys for mass consumption. We’re here to show you how to make your own and save money.

So go get yourself a ThighMaster off of eBay, a $10 vibrator, and some random nuts and bolts, and check our how-to. There - you just saved $150. You’re welcome.

Household Pervertible: Makeup Brushes

makeupbrush.gifHere's a household toy you may have overlooked, especially if you're a guy: makeup brushes. Women know about them because they use them to put on cosmetics. Some have also discovered how to use them as sex toys. But this is a versatile accessory that works for male and female masturbation, as well as partner play.

You want one of those big fluffy, puffy ones with really soft bristles. Get a new, clean brush, don't just grab a used one from a makeup kit. The chemicals and fragrances in residual makeup powder could irritate your sensitive skin and tissues.

If you're using the handle as an insertible, make sure it's smooth plastic, not wood that's flaking off paint chips or something like that.

The great thing about makeup brushes is that you get two toys in one. The handle can be inserted in the ass or pussy and used as a mini dildo or plug. And the bristle end can be brushed or twirled against the clit, cock, nipples or other erotic areas.

When using a brush handle as an insertible, watch out for edges if there is a metal ferrule attaching the bristles. And exercise caution when inserting anally, especially if the brush handle is short. As with many other things, putting a condom over it is a good idea, both for clean up and safety reasons.

Some men like to masturbate by touching their dick with the makeup brush only, stroking the shaft and twirling the bristles around their balls and cock head. If you typically jerk off using a heavy stroke and lots of lube, a light, dry touch will give you a completely different experience.

The makeup brush is also a great toy for partner play. Blindfold your partner and use the brush to caress their skin and sensitive bits. Then drag the end of the handle over their skin to create a contrast. You can alternate using the brush with other types of sensation play, like ice or fur.

Add this accessory to your sex toy kit and start bristling with pleasure.

A Few Words About Safety

We take safety seriously here at Homemade Sex Toys. We've rejected a lot of proposed sex toy projects as being too dangerous. We even did a feature on dangerous homemade sex toys you should avoid.

So when a reader alerted us to some safety issue with some of the dollar store sex toys we suggested, we listened up:

"Lots of those items may have 'seams' of plastic left over from the molding process, and if these are inserted into the body, may cause damage... Also, some plastics may be one-time use as they are not able to be sanitized after use."

These are good points. In our giddy delight over dollar store pervertibles, we did neglect to add some cautionary comments about these potential problems. Because they are cheaply made, some dollar store items, especially plastics, may have sharp edges or seams. They may break easily. They may also have paint or decals that can flake off. Items made of sticky rubber or flocked plastic can be hard to clean, and shouldn't be inserted uncovered anyway.

Carefully examine any object before inserting it into an orifice. Feel for sharp edges or seams and if possible, smooth them off with a nail file or sandpaper. It's always a good idea to put a condom over anything you insert. That will smooth things off and make clean-up easier, and protect you from any weird chemicals. Wash all your dollar store purchases before use. (Hey, they're from the dollar store. You never know who's been handling them.)

Finally, use common sense, and don't just go and do something because it's on a website, including ours.

Household Pervertible: Pool Noodles

We've had a couple of reader suggestions involving this poolside accessory. One resourceful fellow who didn't want to buy a dildo sent us these instructions for how to make one using a foam pool noodle:

Cut a length of hollow pool noodle to the desired length. Slip it over a broomstick or toilet plunger handle (this will be removed and is just to make the noodle rigid for the next step). Take a long latex balloon (the kind used to make balloon animals) and roll it onto the end of the noodle and over its length, like a condom. Slip the noodle off of the broomstick. This should give you a firm but flexible dildo.

If your pool noodle is hollow (and your own noodle isn't too big), you may also be able to use a length of pool noodle as a masturbator. Squirt some lube inside and see how it fits.

The nice thing about foam noodles is that if you mess up or need to make a replacement, you've got a few extra feet of material to work with.

Household Pervertible: Polyethylene Foam Packaging


This week's pervertible was suggested by a reader who discovered that not all bubble wrap is created equal. For superior pocket pussy repurposing, try thin polyethylene foam sheeting. This is the almost papery, translucent white packing material that is sometimes wrapped around electronics or delicate items. Its soft rubbery texture and fleshlike stretchiness make for a sublime experience:

"It has a surface that feels way better than any plastic baggie/latex item. Also way better than normal bubble wrap, and it feels nice warm too. Note that this must be thin polyethylene foam, which has closed cells, not other foam rubber with an open texture. You can combine it with many methods, for example "couch love". I tried your "balloon sex bundle", and it was great, but the water was too hot so I used a polyethylene foam inside it as insulation. The texture of the foam together with the heat was probably the best method I ever tried in terms of feeling."

You can make a simple masturbation sleeve by just taking a piece of the foam sheeting, rolling it into a tube and taping it. Or use it to line a toilet paper tube or our potato chip can Flashlight Masturbator. The thinnest poly foam tears easily, so lube is a must. Oil based lubricants don't cause any immediate degradation of the foam, but if you plan to reuse it, we recommend water-based lube for ease of cleanup. If you find you like it as much as this reader, you can get a roll of it online and it will set you back $40 or so. Otherwise, just hang onto it the next time you get your hands on a piece. It's a great way to recycle.

Household Pervertibles: Exercise Ball

An inflatable exercise ball, or Swiss ball, is a great sex prop. You can use it as a piece of sex furniture by incorporating it into your lovemaking positions, and you might get a little actual exercise while you're at it.

exercise-ball.jpgFor extra stability when starting out, you can place the ball in a corner or against the edge of the bed, and either partner can sit or lay against the ball. After you get more comfortable with using the ball, you can try using it freestanding, without support. Depending on the position, bracing yourself while fucking on or against the ball will engage your quads, hips, glutes, obliques, and abs. Feel the burn!

Of course, you need to exercise some caution. The internet is littered with videos of exercise ball mishaps. The ball can roll out from under you or possibly pop. Keep both feet on the floor, don't make any sudden moves, and don't bounce up and down. At the same time, the degree of control that you have to muster to balance and keep from sliding around can help build arousal - all that slow, steady thrusting will get you both hot and bothered. 

Don't have a partner to play with? No problem! Make a solo toy by attaching a dildo to the exercise ball. You'll need one with a flat, flared base - the kind that is made to go into a strap-on harness. It will take a bit of duct tape, but you should be able to attach the dildo securely to the surface by taping the base down tightly and adding more tape layers around it. Saddle up and ride and rock your way to orgasmic bliss.

About this Archive

This page is an archive of recent entries in the Household Pervertibles category.

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This is the blog for Homemade Sex Toys, delivering homemade sex toy projects to you for almost 10 years.