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10 Questionable Valentine's Sex Toy Gifts

Buying your sweetheart a sexy toy for Valentine's can be fun and romantic - as long as you don't buy the wrong thing. Here are a few "don'ts" to help you avoid a V-Day disaster.

1. Heart-Shaped Anal Beads

heartbeads2.jpgHearts are romantic. Unless they're going into your butt.



2. Oral Sex Mints
oralmints2.jpgNumbs the gag reflex while it freshens your breath. The passive-aggressive way of telling your mate, "I want you to blow me like a porn-star. And by the way, you have halitosis."



3. Anal Balloon Pump

balloon2.jpg
Your sweetheart wants a balloon bouquet, not a balloon in the tuckus.



4. Jawbreaker Ball Gag
jawbreaker1.jpgStick to a box of those chalky Valentine hearts.



5. Chocolate Clone-a-Pussy
chocopussy2.jpgNo, nimrod - you're supposed to get her a box of chocolates, not a kit to make her box into a chocolate bar.



6. Thigh Exerciser Sex Machine
thighmaster2.jpgAgain, as a gift, this sends the wrong message, i.e., "You have thunder thighs."



7. Mighty Merlin Dagger Dildo
merlin2.jpgIt's exactly what it looks like: an electric cattle prod.



8. Joy Finger
finger2.jpgThis would be more appropriate for a Halloween party than a Valentine's date.



9. Vibrating Pleasure Periscope
periscope2.jpgArrgh, matey - G-spot off the starboard bow!



10. Glass Heart Butt Plug
glassheart2.jpg"Oh, a beautiful crystal wine stopper. Wait, it goes where?"


10 Funniest YouTube Sex Toy Videos

sextoyTV.jpg

You'll find a lot of sex-toy-related videos on YouTube. Some are instructional. Some are dirty. Many are sales pitches. You can also find some good DIY tutorials for homemade projects. But just for fun, we've rounded up some of the more entertaining ones for your viewing pleasure.

1. Sex Toy Story

A slick parody of the Pixar blockbuster.

2. The Dildo Song

A classic. You'll have this ditty stuck in your head for days.

3. "It's a Dildo" - The Office UK

Ummm...awk-ward.

4. Granny Finds a Dildo

Oh, these new-fangled inventions!

5. Boys Can Wait

A public service announcement from Technical Virgins.

6. Dildo on the News

Is that a dildo or the SWAT team's battering ram? Watch for it at 0:15.

7. Butt Plug Prank Call

The man has a simple request. Confusion and hilarity ensue.

8. White Water Rafting w/Blow Up Dolls

Not so much rafting as river crossing. You can barely hear the audio, but they're speaking Russian or something anyway.

9. The Factory: How a Dildo Is Made

Repurposed retro film footage used to make an educational short you never saw in grade school.

10. Pineapple-Shaped Dildo

There's no substitute for the real thing. 




About this Archive

This page is an archive of recent entries in the Funny category.

Food is the previous category.

Household Pervertibles is the next category.

This is the blog for Homemade Sex Toys, delivering homemade sex toy projects to you for almost 10 years.

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