Wouldn’t it be nice if all dildos were the same? You could just run to the store or hop online and get what you wanted without any fuss. Unfortunately, it’s not like that in the modern world, and there are more choices than any one woman knows what to do with. However, there is an upside to that challenge: variety is the spice of life.
Among the plethora of plastic penises, there are some that are far better than the others. The reasons for their superiority aren’t always clear at first glance, but synthetic erection experts understand the different between quantity and quality. Rest assured, such a discerning eye isn’t something you can develop overnight. Still, it only takes some careful consideration to separate the good from the bad and the ugly.
In fact, a dildo worth your time and money isn’t as hard to come by as you might think. With so many reputable manufacturers out there vying for your pussy’s attention, someone’s got to have the key that unlocks the flood gates. So, instead of thrusting yourself into a mindless treasure hunt in search of the cream of the crop, use this concise buying guide instead. But first, let’s quickly go over what a dildo is and what it isn’t.
What in the World Is Considered To Be The Best Dildo? No, Seriously.
At least once in our lives, we’ve all probably called someone a dumb dildo when they acted like an idiot, but if we knew what we were saying we’d probably call them something else. Considering a dildo is a magnificent penis shaped pussy poker that’s designed explicitly to provide pleasure, using the term as a derogatory one might not be as much of a sting as we think it should be.
Although the average dildo doesn’t look exactly like a penis, they’re ergonomically suitable for vaginal or anal insertion and they come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. In fact, some even light up. What they don’t do, however, is vibrate (at least not by themselves). So, don’t get a dildo confused with a vibrator because then we’ll all be confused.
Typically, you’ll find dildos made from various materials including silicone, rubber, glass, plastic, metal and jelly. The best part is that these toys are ideal for both girls and boys – gender-friendly and open to interpretation. A well-made version can last for decades, if not longer, and tends to be among the easiest toys in the industry to clean. So, without further ado, let’s get into some heavy petting.
A Quick Dick Buying Guide
Since dildos can be used in several ways, it’s important to find one that suits you and your partner’s needs. And while these genitalia-resembling toys are most commonly used for manual masturbation, that’s not where their resume ends. Interestingly enough, a good dildo can do so much more than just thrust your twat or butt. Some folks like to use them for foreplay, as gags, or to brush up on their oral sex game. For real though, dildo.
So, depending on your intended uses, the right one can make a big difference in your ability to enjoy the moment. When searching, look closely at the following 5 characteristics:
In general, dildos are sized based on their length (or width) and diameter (or girth). Just remember that, while size definitely matters, it’s not the most important factor when deciding on which toy to buy. Bigger isn’t always better, believe it or not. Simply consider the size of your last partner and go from there. If the last person to fuck you had a thick, 9-inch dick and it felt amazing, then by all means go for something larger. However, if your last partner came swinging a moderately-sized wang and it was enough, opt instead for a smaller dildo with a suction cup at the bottom to prevent slippage.
Keep in mind that the total length of some dildos is not exactly how far it can be inserted into your body. Just because a dildo is advertised as 10 inches doesn’t mean you’ll be getting all of that up in ya. Furthermore, the girth of your chosen toy will be hard to fathom without a quick finger test. The average finger is between ½-inch and ¾-inch, meaning if you can fit two fingers inside you then you should go for a dildo with a girth of about 1 ½ to 2 inches just to play it safe. However, if you’re looking for a bit more stretch, don’t be afraid to venture towards the fatter dildos which range between 2 and 3 inches in diameter.
TIP: Be sure to use plenty of lube, especially if you’re going for a tight fit. Stretching can be a lot of fun, but tearing, not so much.
The shape of your dildo matters quite a bit, if not more than the size of it. Many models are designed specifically to stimulate specific parts of the body or to train your holes for bigger and better things, so keep that mind when shopping around. Several dildos are made to help the men and women who use them get used to the size before taking the whole thing. Enter: the tapered toy – a dildo that starts out small and then gradually gets wider the further down the shaft you go.
Shape is also important for the type of orgasm you’re looking for. Dildos are designed to stimulate the g-spot, the clitoris, the perineum, or the prostate, with some of them having attached balls, clitoral tabs, and curved forms to suffice your sexual needs. Buying a straight dildo is great for those who enjoy a good thrust, but it won’t do much for people who need their sweet spots massaged. On the other hand, bent toys are terrific for customized pleasure but are usually smaller, less thick, and more tailored to the bodies they’ll be in.
TIP: It’s possible to get a good dildo for stretching AND sweet spot stimulation if you buy one with all right features.
While dildos come in all shapes and sizes, they also have features which make them stand out from the competition. Although many look and function the same, they’re not all created equally. Aside from having various curvatures, lengths, and widths, many dildos have unique textures and detailing that make them ideal (or not) for a variety of users. For example, ribbed or studded toys tend to offer more of a stimulating entry and exit while smooth textured dildos are designed for simplistic thrust and pull parties.
Moreover, dildos shaped for the expressed purpose of reaching your g-spot or p-spot are a feature all on their own. Knowing what each dildo is designed for will ensure you get the most bang for your buck. And while standard dildos don’t usually offer vibration, there are some models that do. Most of those models also feature numerous vibe functions as well as life-like heads, shafts, and balls to make the experience as real (and surreal) as possible. You might also find a dildo that warms to match your body heat – a relatively new invention by the most innovative manufacturers in the industry.
Furthermore, there are dildos out there that have suction cup bases which support hands-free play. They can be attached to chairs, floors, walls, and sides of shower stalls to ride like a pony. Not only do the best among these types stay put even when the going gets rough, but they also allow you and your partner to get handsy while thrusting freely on the shaft. Of course, there are always the famous double-ended dildos that are perfect for some super kinky partner play, but those are self-explanatory and not recommended for folks who are new to the whole fake dick thing.
TIP: Be sure to buy a waterproof dildo if you plan to take it to the shower with you. Not all dildos are water-friendly, especially the ones with included vibrators.
While you may be thinking that any old dildo material will do, you’re wrong. In fact, the difference between plastic, silicone, glass, metal, and rubber is so great that you’d be hard pressed to get the same experience out of them all. Although rubber and silicone versions are the most popular, the variety doesn’t end there. Be sure to carefully consider the type of sensation you want before spending any money.
Usually, silicone dildos are most desired because they’re not only realistic but also seamless, nonporous, latex and phthalate free, and hypoallergenic. They’re also the toy most likely to have insertable vibrating bullets, suction cup bases, and lifelike balls. That option may be your safest and sexiest bet, but don’t be afraid to venture out a bit. Even though glass tends to scare some people away, breakage never occurs and they’re super smooth, not to mention ultra-easy to clean. Oh yeah, and glass dildos can be quickly heated or cooled to your liking, so there’s that.
While both silicone and glass dildos have extremely long shelf lives when maintained properly, perhaps the most durable material is metal. Rubber and plastic are much more pliable, but metal is extra efficient at stimulating the G and P spots. Metal can also be warmed or cooled easily and some of them even come with their own detachable vibrating bullet. The choice is yours, so choose wisely.
TIP: The type of material you choose will determine the kind of lube you can use.
Here is something you should write down while you’re at it: dildos are not interchangeable with the vagina and anus. Men who use a dildo shouldn’t buy one designed for women, and women using a dildo shouldn’t buy one designed for men. Furthermore, once that bad boy is inserted into your hole, that’s the one and only hole it should go in.
Also keep in mind that vaginal models usually aren’t designed for easy removal because they bottom out at the cervix and take care of that themselves. Anal dildos aimed are typically aimed at men and don’t work the same. Inserting a dildo into your anal cavity and having it travel too far can ruin a perfectly good evening. Purchase a toy that’s made specifically for your intended uses and never swap back and forth with it unless you want a nasty infection.
TIP: Buy a dildo that’s relatively easy to clean and maintain so it lasts longer, allows you to do more, and keeps you from worrying about awkward rashes and impromptu visits to the emergency room.
The Top 5 Dildos of 2018
Now that all the homework is done, it’s time to play. Below are the top five dildos on the market today, arranged in no particular order so you know there isn’t any hidden agendas. It’s just straight-up information, recommendation, and vindication, nothing more. Check these bad boys out before you miss the boat:
The Tracy Cox Super Sex Set (Glass)
Two for the price of one is never a bad thing. The Tracy Cox Super Sex Set features dual dildos with 4 ½-inch circumferences and 7-inch insertable lengths – each with its own unique texture and sensual shape. Made from borosilicate glass (so hypoallergenic, sturdy, and easy to clean), this dynamic duo is waterproof, shatterproof, and disappointment proof. The set includes a sexy velvet storage bag and detailed instructions written by Tracey Cox herself.
KEY FEATURES: Good for temperature play, bulbous for G and P-spot stimulation
The Lifelike Lover Luxe (Silicone)
If you’re in the market for something uber-realistic, the Lifelike Lover Luxe might be the right dildo for you. Not only does it feature a set of firm yet flexible balls and a pronounced head for a sensational entry, but it also has a suction cup base. With 5 ½ inches in girth and 7 inches of insertable length, this funny bone is not for newbies. The skin-safe, medical-grade silicone material used in its making uses no latex or phthalates, yet its super smooth exterior is both temperature sensitive and easy to clean.
KEY FEATURES: Harness compatible, waterproof, and curved for a good G-spot massage
The Icicles No. 8 (Glass)
This fabulous dildo is almost too beautiful to use – almost. Possibly doubling as a piece of functional art (not suggested), the Icicles No. 8 features a stunning design that’s both gorgeous and gratuitous. It has a wavy, curved shaft that’s perfect for vaginal or anal play, plus a gentle ribbing that heightens pleasure internally as well as internally. With 5 ½ inches of insertable length and 3.15 inches of girth, this latex and phthalate-free dildo can be used as a body massager too.
KEY FEATURES: Waterproof, good for temperature play, ideal for sweet spot stimulation
The Fetish Fantasy Double Delight Strap-On (Jelly Rubber)
Twice the action and double the fun, the Fetish Fantasy Double Delight Strap-On is the king of kink. Made from flexible yet firm, skin-safe materials, this dildo features a slightly ribbed and realistic texture. Ample size and shape are in the package too, with 6 inches of insertable length on either side, a dual circumference of 4 ¾ inches, and a curved shape that massages both male and female pleasure centers. Easily attached to a harness and featuring an ample handle on the bottom, it’s up to the imagination what you do with this sexy Siamese twin.
KEY FEATURES: Splash proof, free blindfold included, adjustable 30-inch elasticated harness
The King Cock (Rubber)
Although this mega chubby dildo looks a lot like a real dick because of its skin tone, veins, and texturing, it’s certainly not lifelike unless you know a man who’s hung like a horse. It features a 3 ½-inch flared base with powerful suction to hold up its massive 10-inch girth and 6.8-inch insertable length shaft. Made from skin-safe materials, it does not contain latex and it’s free of phthalates, not to mention extra firm and easy to clean. The manufacturer suggests using an excellent water-based lube with this big boy to prevent pain and increase pleasure.
KEY FEATURES: Good for stretching, waterproof, has realistic balls for added pleasure, harness compatible
Relatively new to the dildo scene is the already famous Clone-a-Willy. This 100% customizable sex toy is made by you through the molding of your favorite partner’s private parts, but that’s not all. The crafting kit also comes with an optional vibrating bullet for the center of your creation which, surprisingly, can comfortably accommodate dicks as large as 11 inches in length and 2 ½ inches in girth. You can pick your favorite color for the molding powder or keep it realistic as well, which is super easy considering it makes a Hollywood-grade cast of the cock in less than 24 hours. Furthermore, it’s super durable, hypoallergenic, easy to clean, and perhaps the most innovative sex toy on the market thus far.
KEY FEATURES: Fully customizable, vibrating (optional), waterproof, hyper-realistic