10 Questionable Valentine’s Sex Toy Gifts

Buying your sweetheart a sexy toy for Valentine’s can be fun and romantic – as long as you don’t buy the wrong thing. Here are a few “don’ts” to help you avoid a V-Day disaster.

1. Heart-Shaped Anal Beads

heartbeads2.jpgHearts are romantic. Unless they’re going into your butt.


2. Oral Sex Mints
oralmints2.jpgNumbs the gag reflex while it freshens your breath. The passive-aggressive way of telling your mate, “I want you to blow me like a porn-star. And by the way, you have halitosis.”


3. Anal Balloon Pump

balloon2.jpg
Your sweetheart wants a balloon bouquet, not a balloon in the tuckus.


4. Jawbreaker Ball Gag
jawbreaker1.jpgStick to a box of those chalky Valentine hearts.


5. Chocolate Clone-a-Pussy
chocopussy2.jpgNo, nimrod – you’re supposed to get her a box of chocolates, not a kit to make her box into a chocolate bar.


6. Thigh Exerciser Sex Machine
thighmaster2.jpgAgain, as a gift, this sends the wrong message, i.e., “You have thunder thighs.”


7. Mighty Merlin Dagger Dildo
merlin2.jpgIt’s exactly what it looks like: an electric cattle prod.


8. Joy Finger
finger2.jpgThis would be more appropriate for a Halloween party than a Valentine’s date.


9. Vibrating Pleasure Periscope
periscope2.jpgArrgh, matey – G-spot off the starboard bow!


10. Glass Heart Butt Plug
glassheart2.jpg“Oh, a beautiful crystal wine stopper. Wait, it goes where?”

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