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10 Questionable Valentine’s Sex Toy Gifts

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10 Questionable Valentine’s Sex Toy Gifts
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Buying your sweetheart a sexy toy for Valentine’s can be fun and romantic – as long as you don’t buy the wrong thing. Here are a few “don’ts” to help you avoid a V-Day disaster.

1. Heart-Shaped Anal Beads

heartbeads2.jpgHearts are romantic. Unless they’re going into your butt.


2. Oral Sex Mints
oralmints2.jpgNumbs the gag reflex while it freshens your breath. The passive-aggressive way of telling your mate, “I want you to blow me like a porn-star. And by the way, you have halitosis.”


3. Anal Balloon Pump

balloon2.jpg
Your sweetheart wants a balloon bouquet, not a balloon in the tuckus.


4. Jawbreaker Ball Gag
jawbreaker1.jpgStick to a box of those chalky Valentine hearts.


5. Chocolate Clone-a-Pussy
chocopussy2.jpgNo, nimrod – you’re supposed to get her a box of chocolates, not a kit to make her box into a chocolate bar.


6. Thigh Exerciser Sex Machine
thighmaster2.jpgAgain, as a gift, this sends the wrong message, i.e., “You have thunder thighs.”


7. Mighty Merlin Dagger Dildo
merlin2.jpgIt’s exactly what it looks like: an electric cattle prod.


8. Joy Finger
finger2.jpgThis would be more appropriate for a Halloween party than a Valentine’s date.


9. Vibrating Pleasure Periscope
periscope2.jpgArrgh, matey – G-spot off the starboard bow!


10. Glass Heart Butt Plug
glassheart2.jpg“Oh, a beautiful crystal wine stopper. Wait, it goes where?”

About the author

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Despite the fact that John James is quite the character, there is one thing he has in common with everyone else: he likes a high quality sex toy just as much as the next guy.
Noticing that there were no legitimate websites out there reviewing all the amazing synthetic vaginas on the market, John James set out to do something about it. After all, it is painfully obvious that today’s men really need to know more about their options.